Scary Stories to Tell in the Park

These tales will horrify you. Don't read them alone.

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They aren't even drinking yet.

It was a dark and stormy New York night back in 1984. The wind howled through the hulking edifice, populated once again, as it was every year, by elite executives in designer suits, meeting to determine the fates of others. But one such puppet-master was feeling a bit nervous. Mr. Stu Inman had the second choice in this "draft", following the esteemed gentleman from Houston who just chose a 7-foot-tall man from Nigeria. It was now Inman's turn at the podium to decide the fate of his franchise for the next decade. Choose wisely, and championship banners would grace his team's arena, coming three at a time. But choose poorly, and his name would forever be associated with one of the greatest sports blunders of all time. Sweat dripping down his forehead, Inman stepped up to the pedestal and delivered his choice: "With the 2nd pick in the draft, the Portland Trailblazers select Sam Bowie from Kentucky". Michael Jordan's name would be called next.

But this is just one story in a long litany of ghastly tales that have given fans nightmares for years to come. In celebration of the upcoming Halloween season, let's take a look at a few other real and horrifying yarns that have haunted sports fans, causing them to spend many a slumber with the night light on.

I Know What You Did Last Winter … Again
Synopsis: The Buffalo Bills spend the early 90s going through Groundhog Day-like motions of plowing through the regular season and the playoffs to get to the Super Bowl four years in a row. But instead of coming away with a Lombardi Trophy or two, they lost every single time.
Horror Index: 6 out of 10. There's something inherently creepy about this scenario in a "you can't control your own destiny no matter how hard you try" kind of way. No matter what variations they attempted, they were sent to the gallows at the end of each year just the same.

The Montreal Work Stoppage Massacre
Synopsis: The long-suffering Montreal Expos, a team who never won anything of value throughout their entire franchise history, get off to a hot start during the 1994 season with the best record in baseball, even though they had the second-lowest payroll. But things go horribly wrong 114 games into the season, when the league decides to go on strike, canceling the postseason and ruining their best chance for a championship ever.
Horror Index: 9 out of 10. The horrifying part of the story is that it involves a common fear that most everyone has at some point throughout their life: "Is this the last chance I'll ever have?" Seeing as they no longer exist, for the Expos it was.

Seven Minutes Later
Synopsis: An average man's aspirations for his fantasy football team to succeed rely almost entirely on the performance of one man: Tom Brady, who he chose with the 1st pick in the draft. But disaster strikes almost immediately when the New England MVP goes down with a season-ending injury seven minutes into the first game.
Horror Index: 4 out of 10. While the story is universal—every veteran fantasy owner has had a moment like this at some point in his career—that works as a disadvantage in the Horror Index because most everyone's got through this hardship somehow. Plus, how upset can one get about their fantasy football team without feeling like a dork anyway?

Music City of the Living Dead
Synopsis: The second entry on the list by perhaps the most sports-haunted team in America, the Buffalo Bills are already making travel plans for the second round in the 2000 playoffs after getting a 16-15 lead over the Tennessee Titans with only 16 seconds left. But the zombie Titans just will not die! In a play forever dubbed as the "Music City Miracle", tight end Frank Wycheck grabs the ensuing kickoff, moves slightly to his right and throws completely across the field to an open Kevin Dyson, who runs down the sideline for a 75-yard touchdown return.
Horror Index: 9 out of 10. The event is the perfect encapsulation of why no sports enthusiast feels safe about their win until the clock ticks down to only perfectly rotund numbers. The only reason it doesn't get a perfect 10 on the HI is because an even more horrific event awaits.

Little Swap of Horrors
Synopsis: The Giants try to acquire that last cog by dealing three obscure pitchers to the Twins for catcher A.J. Pierzynski. Two of those pitchers go on to be the best starter (Johan Santana) and closer (Joe Nathan) for the next half-decade, while Pierzynski has an awful year and is shipped out immediately. The Giants spend the next few years in the cellar.
Horror Index: 7 out of 10. This is the Worst Case Scenario that keeps GMs of any sport up into the wee hours of the night, before complete exhaustion finally takes over and allows them a few brief hours of sleep.

A Nightmare on West Addison Street
Synopsis: A lifelong fan of a long-suffering baseball team finally realizes his dream of getting a first-row seat to a playoff game. And not just any playoff game, but one where his Cubbies can clinch their first World Series appearance in decades. But things take a turn for the worse when he makes the mental gaffe of reaching over the rail and distracting his own team's player, leading to their swift unraveling.
Horror Index: 10 out of 10. This cautionary tale plays on the biggest fear any fan has: to somehow blow it for your own team. There can be no greater psychological trauma, which is why it earns the highest score possible.

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