The Sporting Equivalency:
Laura Bush

77 days left as First Lady? Time to equate her to some athletes.

by Ted Bauer

[Ed's note: Not sure what 'The Sporting Equivalency' is? Please click here.]

On the day that her husband officially becomes a lame duck (insofar as he wasn't once the campaigns officially started), First Lady Laura Bush turns 62 today. Just because we're obsessed with this: she's sixty-two and Oliver Stone really had Elizabeth Banks play her? (Within three weeks of W, Banks played girlfriend-type roles to Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd.) We're turning 'Sporting Equivalency' to Ms. Bush, which means we're basically going to pick the First Lady of every sport. Should be fun.

Laura Bush's MLB Equivalent: Alyssa Milano

We had a few choices here. Started our thinking with Mia Hamm, but the problem is, it's not 1999, so Nomar lacks the relevance he once did. (That Dodgers team is good, though.) We thought about going with someone linked to Derek Jeter, but (a) how do you even pick? and (b) we love Jeets, but the dude doesn't have a ring since 2000. Then, we gave a cursory moment of thought to Anna Benson, briefly vomited in our mouth and moved onward. Alyssa Milano came next. She's been linked to a ton of baseball dudes, does work for Turner and seems to legitimately be a fan of the sport and its history. That's a good ambassador. That's what a First Lady does, right?

Laura Bush's NBA Equivalent: Savannah Brinson

We had some options here as well. Thought about Vanessa Bryant, considered it a good choice (she's the wife of possibly the most important player in the NBA), then dumped out because while Kobe has several good years left, he also has a ton of miles on him and we're not sure how much longer he'll unequivocally be at the top. Meanwhile, LeBron James is about 24 months from the biggest contract anyone has ever been able to fathom. Savannah Brinson seems classy and elegant, which we always thought about Laura Bush as well.

Laura Bush's NFL Equivalent: Gisele

Blasphemous? Maybe. Even though Gisele hates talking football, her man is the face of the NFL in many respects. With him down and out, the entire AFC landscape is altered (sure, the Colts' slow start has helped the parity too). They are almost undoubtedly the "First Couple" of the NFL, although trying to find any press conference transcript where Bill Belichick even utters her name is like trying to find a good movie with Jason Biggs since 2000.

Laura Bush's College Football Equivalent: Katharyn Richt

We love Ms. Richt, even if the Dawgs have been less-than-great in spotlight games this season. We were gonna go Carol Stoops here. You know she works for Mary Kay Cosmetics? You think there's anyone in Norman, OK who wouldn't buy cosmetics from Ms. Bob Stoops? Also: read this on being a football coach's wife. (We could have gone Suzanne Paterno or Ann Bowden here, too.)

For more Sporting Equivalencies, CLICK HERE

Print Article . Email Article. Subscribe to The Magazine