Fantasy World: NFL Parlay!

Betting on the fantasy winners for the rest of the year.

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"We got the Lions in Week 17? What's the over?"

Last weekend I took a little trip to Vegas, spending some time watching other people get out the vote while drinking and placing small bets on four-game parlays during last weekend's NFL Sunday. And while I didn't win my bet (stupid Texans!) it did give me an idea: What would be the perfect seven-highest-scoring-players parlay for the next seven weeks of fantasy football action? (Once again, I'm ignoring the non-fantastical Week 17.)

So let's take a look at who will be the top performers for the rest of the season. If you want to play along in the comments, feel free. The more, the merrier. We are uniters, not dividers in these parts. And hey, since we're just making up rules as we go along, let's say that you can only pick a player once. Go!

My picks:

Week 10: LaDainian Tomlinson vs. Chiefs
While he's been disappointing so far—rushing for only about 69 yards a game—the unanimous first overall fantasy pick has to get his lofty season-end statistics at some point this season, and there's no better time than during a home game against the worst rushing defense in the league. The Chiefs are giving up an average of 182.4 yards a game on the ground. It only helps that LT2 seems to have gotten warmed up last week by putting up 170 total yards against New Orleans.

Week 11: Steve Smith vs. Lions
The futility of the Lions has already been well-documented, so I won't go into too much detail here. Suffice it to say, just know that the Lions are bad and Steve Smith is very good, as evidenced by his 117-yard, 2-TD day last week. It doesn't hurt that he historically smacks around the Lions defense, to the tune of an average of 92 yards per game. Sure, it was only in three games, but that's something.

Week 12: Peyton Manning at Chargers
Manning hasn't had one of his signature games this year in which he wins the week for his owners on his shoulders alone—he's only thrown three TDs in a game once thus far in 2008—but there's a good chance he'll be able to find his groove in this Week 12 matchup under the warm sun of San Diego, the place of residence for the league's worst past defense.. Added bonus: his confidence is obviously doing well after brutalizing Bill Belichick's general wizardry last week by going 21-for-29 for 254 yards and 2 TDs. Go ahead and circle this date on the calendar.

Week 13: Tony Romo vs. Seahawks
According to all projections, Romo's itty-witty pinkie boo-boo will be healed up by Week 11, meaning he'll have a few games under his belt before this tilt against the Seahawks, who currently have the 2nd worst passing defense in the NFL. The hope here is that the two weeks will give him enough time to find a way to spread the wealth around to his two All-World receivers. (Socialist!)

Week 14: Brandon Marshall vs. Chiefs
Hey remember when Brandon Marshall started off so promisingly with 321 yards in his first two games? And then kind of calmed down by only averaging 61 yards in his next five games? Good thing there's a matchup like this on the schedule, one which may see the Broncos still fighting hard for a playoff spot. It certainly helps that the Broncos have their own defensive woes, hopefully meaning they'll be tossing the long ball through the 4th quarter.

Week 15: Maurice Jones-Drew vs. Packers
He hasn't been quite the game-breaking running back folks imagined when they drafted him in the 2nd or 3rd round—he's only averaged 11.25 fantasy points a week so far this year—so he might not be the smartest pick for the highest performer of the week, but you can't win a multi-sectioned parlay without taking a gamble or two. This contest at home against the 27th ranked rushing defense looks like a perfect under-the-radar matchup for MJD.

Week 16: Drew Brees at Lions
Sure, this is cheating a bit—I already laid out the case of Brees v. the Lions in my aforementioned critique of the Detroit defense, so I'm not offering any new analysis here—but it's too good of a matchup to ignore. In summary: The highest scoring quarterback in the most pass-heavy offense against the second-worst passing defense in the league. It could only be better if the Saints were playing at home, but in a dome during your championship week will have to do.

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Player on My Team of the Week: Tim Hightower, who should have Edgerrin James resting on the bench for awhile after putting up 109 yards—including a bruising 30-yard TD run—in his first start for the Cardinals. Coach Ken Wisenhunt ought to give him another shot this week.

How to Heckle One Of My Players of the Week: "Fame is a fickle mistress, is she not Mewelde Moore?"

The Van Wilder Award of the Week: Ken Mink, the 73-year-old full-time college student at Roane State Community College in Tennessee, who made some headlines after making a pair of free throws while playing for the junior varsity basketball team.

Buy High: The Washington Redskins Presidential Deciding Barometer, which gets back on track after a poor showing in 2004, when it let Bush beat Kerry despite the Redskins obviously tanking a game to the Packers on purpose.

Sell Low: Unused Joe the Plumber jokes, of which undoubtedly there are many. Odds are you won't need any of them ever again. We hope.

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