The Morning According to Us

A talented rider can finally stay awake. Legally.

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Ah, ah, ah, ah stayin' awake, stayin awake!

Frenchman Franck Bouyer is going back to work after a near four-year absence. The proven, professional cyclist is a narcoleptic whose drug of necessity, modafinil, is banned by the International Cycling Union, listed as a performance-enhancer. Without it, Mr. Bouyer would be held helpless in the stranglehold of a seemingly sinister sandman, unable to perform even the most mundane of daily tasks, let alone pedal a bike competitively hundreds of miles at a time. No meds says the Feds! Let's just all continue to sleep on this. This coming from the feckless, governing body of a sport that's dirtier than Pigpen in Larry Flynt's bedroom.

The 34-year-old cyclist can't reclaim prime cycling years lost while embroiled in a legal tug-of-war with the UCI and WADA. Bouyer displayed the patience and endurance of a true champion, making pedaling up the Pyrenees seem like a walk in the park. Inconceivably, he was assessed a multi-year ban for a medical condition, while doping riders amassed fame and fortune.

His doctor salvaged his vanishing cycling career by prescribing a new medication to combat narcolepsy; one which is not on the scroll of banned substances. In some respects, a tough pill to swallow, serving as a raw reminder of what could have been, what should have been, for Bouyer these last few years.

Certainly, a narcoleptic's return to the cycling circuit will pique the interest of a curious public, providing ratings with a bit of a vitamin B-12 shot. And the media will selfishly salivate over the possibility of capturing timeless footage of Mr. Bouyer nodding off in a cluster of riders, sparking a human domino effect on the hard pavement. Move over, Vinko Bogataj, there may be a new "agony of defeat" master comin'!

So, a journeyman cyclist rightfully rejoins the ranks to ride elbow-to-elbow with the best in the world. Maybe not as notable as Sir Lance's return. Of course, Mr. Armstrong never ingested a banned substance…did he?

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