Auction Block: Rained Out

Mired in a nightmare sports scene, we find Seattle some gems.

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Cheer you up, Seattle?

If you read Bill Simmons' most recent column you know that Seattle fandom is at a very low point right now. Simmons predicted that national sympathy would be coming around soon, so let us get in line behind the Sports Guy to say "We feel your pain".

The Emerald City has had some good times, but only for those with long memories. The Seattle Metropolitans hockey club won Lord Stanley's Cup in 1917, and the Sonics took the NBA title in '79. But in and around those times, the overall experience has been sort of a downer.

Only Chuck Knox and Mike Holmgren have ever coached the Seahawks to the playoffs, with no championships since the team came in with the 1976 NFL expansion. The franchise sports an overall winning percentage of .474, though most of that can be blamed on Tom Flores. The team fared better following a move from the AFC to the NFC in 2002, making their way to Super Bowl XL, but the Seahawks are currently mired in a 2-7 hole in the putrid NFC West.

As for the Mariners, they owe the Washington Nationals a thank-you note. The D.C. team lost 102 games, just edging Seattle's own for the worst record in 2008. The team has never won an AL pennant, let alone a World Series. The M's debuted in 1977 as part of an effort to settle the lawsuit that ensued after the Seattle Pilots fled the city after one year, becoming the Milwaukee Brewers. Looking on the bright side, at least they're no longer paying A-Rod to not win championships, having yielded that pleasure to the Yankees by way of the Rangers.

In the days before the NHL, the Seattle Metropolitans were the first team based in the U.S. to win the Stanley Cup. They accomplished the feat in 1917, and returned to the finals in 1919, when bad news struck the team and the nation. The cup final was suspended after five games, tied 2-2-1, when the Spanish flu pandemic struck. Another finals trip in 1920 ended in a loss to the Ottawa Senators, and the team folded four years later.

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Actually, it rains more in both Chicago and New York than it does in Seattle.

The Sonics have the distinction of being the most successful franchise in the city's history. Founded in 1967, and named after a jet that was never actually built in the area, the Sonics won an NBA championship in 1979 under legendary coach Lenny Wilkens. The 90's were kind to Seattle basketball, with Rain Man and The Glove playing under George Karl, but the Sonics still made history in a bad way by becoming the first #1 seed to lose to an eight, forcing the entire world to stare at Dikembe Mutombo's epiglottis as he celebrated with his Nuggets teammates.

Now, with the Sonics and new star Kevin Durant hijacked over to Oklahoma City, fans have dubbed this The Worst Season in Seattle Sports History. Even college sports are no help, with the Huskies winless in football, and coming off of a 7-11 Pac 10 finish in hoops.

So, in this environment, it must take a lot of chutzpah to sell Seattle sports memorabilia, right? Not really. Because memorabilia is the perfect outlet for the homer who loves his team no matter what. Classic logos and unforgettable individual players never go out of style, even when an entire city is reeling. Heck, sometimes, those mementos of the good times and charismatic stars are all that get us through.

So, to help Seattleites remember the good times, we'll start off with one of our favorite athletes from the area.

Seattle Slew Kentucky Derby Photo: We're guessing Slew is the one out front. Born in Kentucky, like most thoroughbreds, the legendary horse was based in White Swan, Washington when his legend was made.

1988 Topps Brian Bosworth: This mint Boz card is listed for the low, low price of one cent. In an economic downturn, the market for ironic collectibles is bound to take a hit.

Seattle Pilots Framed Placemat: "The Hustling team…in the Action League!" proclaims this paper memento. When your team is only in town for one year, you don't have a huge pick of collectibles.

Stuffed Sasquatch: This guy is having a rough year. First his local team jumps ship, then he becomes the butt of the joke in a series of beef jerky commercials.

Seattle Metros Hooded Sweatshirt: Not really a throwback, as the hoodie wasn't part of the fashion landscape in the first part of the 20th century. But still kind of cool.

1992 Skybox Shawn Kemp: Harken back to a day when the sight of Rain Man in a basketball uniform didn't make you want to claw your eyes out. Back before he discovered the dangers of throwing down without the Glove.

50th All Star Game Hi-Ball Glass: We dig the old trident logo. And you'll probably want a stiff drink if the M's keep playing this way.

Jay Buhner signed jersey: We love Buhner for two solid reasons—the bald head and beard look, and Frank Costanza's rant to George Steinbrenner on Seinfeld. "What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?! He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year! He's got a rocket for an arm… You don't know what the hell you're doing!"

Kid Dynamite and The Big Unit: Griffey shows up on a cereal-box poster that probably hung on a young Chris Sprow's wall in 1993. We chose this 1994 Randy Johnson card because it shows off the mullet in full effect.

Seahawks Belt Buckle: Because when the team finally pulls its head out, they can glance at this buckle and remember where they are.

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