The Weekend Counsel

The best game Saturday is Florida vs. South Carolina? You need other things to do.

For most of this decade, it seems every fall has given us one "Game of the Century of the Week!" That's parity on the college gridiron for ya. Unfortunately, this week doesn't seem to live up: the best tilt is probably the absolutely-on-a-roll Florida Gators vs. (their) Old Ball Coach Steve Spurrier and his South Carolina Gamecocks. If you're giving SC a chance in this game, you're probably taking too much Ambien on the side. (Then again, stranger things have happened.) Basic sports layout of the weekend: monitor the MLB free agent situations excessively, watch that Gator game at 3:30 Saturday, get some culture Saturday evening (yea!) and Sunday do it up like this: watch NEXT 2009 candidate Matt Ryan shred the Broncos' swiss-cheese defense, check out Chargers/Steelers at 4:15 and wring your hands incessantly about the Norv Turner Curse, then back-end the entire thing with the return of Tony Romo at 8:15 and hence, the return of the Jessica Simpson Curse. Let's move away from bats and balls now and talk about that culture you're getting Saturday night.

MUSIC VIDEO TO REWATCH ONLINE: NOVEMBER RAIN
As music videos go, this thing is iconic. It's close to ten minutes long, it features Axl Rose at his depressive finest in the beginning, it has more dramatic camera work than the first half of Casino, Slash's guitar solo in that field is legendary and it might make you feel a little better about today's music videos and the somewhat shoddy rebirth of GNR. Why watch it now? Because it's November, and much of America is going to see rain this weekend. Ha. We take things super literally around here.

VIRAL CLIP TO WATCH ONLINE: JAY Z AND TIMBALAND IN STUDIO
This is old, but it needs to be seen. If you want to understand the transition of Sean Carter from "drug dealer" to "one of the world's richest entertainers and husband of Beyonce," watch how he operates in a studio setting. And about midway through the clip, check out Timbaland—in a 1970s Oakland A's jersey, natch—talk about Jay's genius. Inspiring.

VIRAL CLIP TO WATCH ONLINE NO. 2: JIM VS. DWIGHT PRANKS ON THE OFFICE
This clip is ten minutes long. It's very funny. What other promotion are you looking for out of us?

THING TO DEBATE WITH YOUR FRIENDS: THE TOP 25 ENTERTAINERS OF THE YEAR
If you go out with your friends on the weekend, here's the typical conversational gamut: "Work sucks" ----- > "My love life could be better" ----- > "This Barack Obama thing is cool, eh?" ------- > "Want to go to DC for the inaugaration?" ------- > "President Bush? Ugh." --------- > "So in the Paltrow/Martin relationship, who outkicked their coverage?" ------- > "Seriously, why didn't Val Kilmer's character in Top Gun get in more trouble? He basically destroyed a government plane!" (Seriously, we had all those conversations last weekend.) If you want to see how much your peeps know about the outside world, bring up Entertainment Weekly's Top 25 Entertainers of 2008 list and invite debate on it. "Robert Downey Jr at 1? Over Tina Fey? C'mon!" It'll be fun, we promise. Why EW's list and not someone else's? Easy: everyone knows you should trust everything that a national magazine says. Heh. Ouch.

THING TO BUY( IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ONE SERIOUS PURCHASE): THE SPALDING NBA OFFICIAL LEATHER MEN'S BASKETBALL
This thing is the the lamborghini of basketballs. Full grain, Gunnison leather construction. Wide channel design. Its equally fun to handle on your couch as on the court. Also it's the only piece of sporting equipment that you can use without additional pieces of equipment or a partner. All you need is the ground, and that's pretty much everywhere.

THINGS TO RESEARCH THIS WEEKEND: DARPA
It's basically the weird science arm of the Pentagon. Responsible for such fantastical inventions as the Sea Shadow, remote control planes, and the internet. Look for the forthcoming flying car that it's developing.

TEAMS TO ROOT FOR: GARDNER-WEBB The other, other, other basketball program in North Carolina. Last November they knocked of Kentucky. In Kentucky. Their game is unpretentious and they play with their hearts in their mouths—Coach Scruggs makes sure of it. Who can't root for that? Plus, we owe them something for giving us Aris Gimore. They play Va Tech tonight at 8:00.

NFL GAME TO BET ON: TITANS -2.5 @ JACKSONVILLE
The Titans are undefeated and could go 10-0 for the first time in franchise history. The Jags are below .500. The Titans 8-1 against the spread this year. A no-brainer, right? Well, they don't call them trap games for nothing. Read our new blog "The Betting Life" and see for yourself.

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