The Sporting Equivalency: Christina Applegate
If you didn't have a crush on Kelly Bundy, you're not human. Or, well, at least male.
Christina Applegate turns 37 today. The woman is massively underrated. This is the same person who played Kelly Bundy—arguably the most iconic "teen vixen" character of the early 1990s—and held her own with Will Ferrell in Anchorman. Lesser-known fact: she won an Emmy in 2003 for a guest turn on Friends and now she's rocking out on Samantha Who? If you're confused as to why we keep talking her up, just watch this. As for who she's like in the major sports, click through.
Christina Applegate's MLB Equivalent: Jim Thome
Logic: when Thome first came into his own, around 1995 (25 HR, 73 RBI), he was a fairly "sexy" power hitter for an up-and-coming team, much as Kelly Bundy was the sexy part (depends how you feel about Katey Segal, honestly) for the burgeoning FOX Sunday night line-up. Thome was generally considered a masher for most of his time in Cleveland, including cranking a 511-footer out of Jacobs Field. As his career progressed to Philadelphia (where he was kinda put out to pasture for Ryan Howard, similar to how Applegate can't get some roles anymore) and Chicago, he became an even more complete player. We'd argue he's a Hall of Famer. Applegate has been around since 1981 (she was 10 then) and has played some of the better female comedy roles out there, so we'd put her in some type of "HOF" too (she paved the way for Elizabeth Banks!) Bonus: Thome rocked a pink bat for Breast Cancer, which Applegate sadly had, on Mother's Day 2006.
Christina Applegate's NBA Equivalent: Vince Carter
People may disagree here, but our logic is simple: when VC was at UNC and in his early NBA career, while always a good player, he was more sexy than anything. There wasn't a ton of depth aside from "French Toast" and the like. Now, even though the Nets are 6-6 (and Samantha Who? is doing better than an equivalent .500 record), VC is a captain (replacing J-Kidd) and finding more ways to contribute, while still remaining a Top 15 scorer in the league. Transition from this to this makes VC = CA.
Christina Applegate's NFL Equivalent: Matt Cassel
Preposterous, but here's why: we love Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead. It's one of those movies you can watch start-to-finish no matter when it comes on. (Don't deny it.) David Duchovny before fame? Holla! Seriously, though, what's the plot of that movie? "Young woman grows into herself with the leaders of the household away." Seems like Matt Cassel the last couple of weeks, no?
Christina Applegate's College Football Equivalent: Eric Berry
It's hard to find good comedy roles for women (read this). Similarly, it's hard to find super-outstanding performers on teams in tailspins whose long-term coach is getting axed. However, that's exactly what Eric Berry is (read this). In fact, we got an e-mail this very morning claiming our feature in the current issue about Taylor Mays and Kevin Ellison being the best safety duo in America was "garbage." People stand up for Berry's excellence, just like they do for Christina's.
For more Sporting Equivalencies, CLICK HERE
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