Dear Flem

FLEM: It is strange to think that a whole new generation of fans weren't actually around to see one of the most dominant teams in NFL history. I think when people talk about the truly great teams it's the 1970s Steelers and the 1985 Bears and then everyone else.

ANDY: I still remember that ESPN commercial when Tom Jackson says to Chris Berman, "You still think the 2000 Ravens defense is better than the '85 Bears?" Berman nods. Tom Jackson then stoically punches his sandwich and walks away. And I thought to myself: I don't really know why Tom Jackson punched that sandwich.

FLEM: Well, for most of us, the 1985 Bears represented NFL perfection: they were dominant, nasty and scary good but they were also explosive, brilliant and crazy too. They had it all. And they perfectly defined Greatness: they took something extremely difficult and made it look so so easy. Have you ever thought about changing your birth certificate? It's gonna be kinda hard for the Bears to win again in your lifetime unless they find a quarterback, right?

ANDY: It's going to be impossible for them to win again, unless Jerry Angelo drafts a time machine and sets it to 1985. What I can't understand is how Sid Luckman and Johnny Lujack can still hold career and single-game passing records. I wasn't even sure the forward pass had been invented then. I think Kyle Orton could be a solid quarterback, but he has to outscore our putrid defense and fight 60 years of terrible quarterbacking history.

FLEM: And the best might be yet to come. In my wildest dreams, I never thought the names Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton could be contained in the same sentence as "QB controversy."

ANDY: Well, you might have missed some classic Bear QB "controversies" like the 1999 battle among Jim Miller, Shane Matthews and Cade McNown. Or 2003's match-up of Kordell Stewart vs. Chris Chandler. Or, my personal favorite, 2004's Jonathon Quinn vs. Craig Krenzel vs. Chad Hutchinson to replace our current boo-magnet, Grossman. Now those were controversies.

FLEM: I think most Bears fans just threw up in their mouths a little reading that list. If you could go back in time what would you like to re-live from 1985?

ANDY: I would have wanted to see the Bears drub the Cowboys in Texas, 44-0. Dallas has always been known as "America's Team" and it would have been nice to see Chicago tell them in person that this was the year of the Bear. I know I should probably say Super Bowl XX, but I don't know if I could watch the Fridge bust into the end zone knowing Walter Payton wouldn't get a touchdown in his only Super Bowl.

FLEM: So does the current season come down to this weekend at Minnie? Didn't some Bears fans tape a Vikings fan to a stop sign a few years ago—or was it a Packers fan? I can't remember.

ANDY: The Minnesota game and the Green Bay game are pretty much the whole season. You can't lose both of those and expect to make the playoffs. As for the taping, I think the incident you are thinking of was in the 1990s with a mouthy Packer fan outside a Chicago bar. It was in the Dave Wannstedt era, so I have to believe he was being a sore winner.

FLEM: Nice one. Okay, I'm making you the GM for a day. What three moves do you make?

ANDY: The Bears could get back into the NFC elite with these three moves: (1) I'm throwing draft picks at the Cincinnati Bengals for T.J. Houshmandzadeh. The Bengals need a lot of help and the trend in the league says throw draft picks at a struggling team if you want an elite player. (2) If they don't bite I'm using the picks to trade up for Jeremy Maclin from Missouri. I'm graduating from Mizzou in December, and Maclin is going to be a stud. (3) I'm looking to sign a good guard to make up for not signing a lineman last season, maybe kick the tires on Jon Runyan and see if he has a few more years in him.

FLEM: Good call on Runyan—if it were 1998. How about the defense?

ANDY: Yeah, I'm telling Lovie Smith to overhaul the Cover 2 or start searching the classifieds. If he can't innovate the scheme and inject some life into it, he needs to scrap it and move on. The Bears eventually had to give up on the once-mighty 46 defense when they couldn't execute it. Maybe Lovie should take a page out of history and move on as well.

FLEM: To be fair, though, he's kind of added his own twist on the Cover 2 by implementing so much "man-under" coverage. But you're right, because I think the problem is sticking with a scheme that you don't really have the personnel to run. Anyway, so what three moves do you unmake? And, yes, you have special powers.

ANDY: I wouldn't have drafted Cedric Benson, because we all know how he turned out. I wouldn't have let Ron Rivera go as defense coordinator—I don't think Bob Babich gets the most out the team like he did—and I would undo not signing Alan Faneca last off-season. If your team has a major question at QB, which the Bears did prior to the season, the best thing you can do for an offense is shore up that line.

FLEM: Good stuff. Let's do a Chicago Bears version of Mad-Libs. First one: The Bears are to football what __________ (fill in the blank) is to music.

ANDY: The Bears are to football what the bagpipes are to music. They are really good only once in a while, and usually with "Amazing Grace."

FLEM: If Matt Forte keeps playing like this he'll be ________.

ANDY: Eating Campbell's Chunky Soup with LT.

FLEM: Kyle Orton reminds me of ________ (a cartoon character).

ANDY: Merlin from Disney's Sword in the Stone. Both rock a sweet beard and have the ability to perform magic when needed.

FLEM: The Bears need to win _________ more games to win the North.

ANDY: The Bears need to win four games to win the North. (Minnesota will not win more than two, and Green Bay will not win more than three—unless they beat the Bears.)

FLEM: I would trade my _________ for a real No. 1 receiver.

ANDY: My 1995 Buick LeSabre. It ony has 60,000 miles and rides like a yacht.

FLEM: Brian Urlacher isn't getting older and slower he's getting _______ and _______.

ANDY: Old Spicier and more neckless.

FLEM: Neckless? Classic. Okay, last one: The Bears are good, but we're not ________.

ANDY: 1985. Nobody's 1985 good.

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