The Morning According to Us

Sloppy seconds can get you suspended?

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"I've said worse."

Of all the terms we have left, apparently one that could easily describe the remains of our oatmeal is the most wicked. It's true. Yesterday, a league that gives a ten minute timeout to a player that chooses to take his gloves off and mash in the face of an opponent, or a whole two minutes of private time to a player who decides, "Ya know, this dude needs to feel a large chuck of graphite across the back of his neck!", told a player to take a break for a throw-away insult.

Sean Avery, who is usually modeling something around here, got himself into trouble last night for what is generally just a decent putdown.

"Sloppy seconds."

That's it. That's all he said. Avery was just doing an interview. "I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada," he said. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight." He then walked out of the locker room.

And for that, Avery got a suspension from the league. Really. For a dis on Elisa Cuthbert, an actress whose best on-screen moment involves pink Hanes. We're talking about a sports landscape where Plaxico Burress just drew a 4-game suspension for shooting himself—was he going to play soon anyway?—and the sport of the tough guy sees a player fall prey to a snide remark about the ex-girlfriend. Was Avery wrong? Come on, dude.

You want this oatmeal?

Elsewhere…

A player banned for taking garlic is back in the game, but gets dropped. Where's the justice?

You can be a free agent with a country! This opens up some doors.

We lose breasts all the time. Wait, did Gary Bettman just suspend us?

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