The Morning According to US

You had Tiger, and you put him in a Buick?

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"Yeah, tell them it does 0 to 60 in fuhgettaboutit."

There is little happy-happy, joy-joy in Detroit these days. The Lions are slouching toward infamy, the crooked mayor's case is clogging the court system, the son of the former governor is prescribing the auto makers' imminent bankruptcy. And now Tiger Woods wants nothing to do with the city.

Specifically, he wants nothing to do with the Big Three and any future endorsement deals they might offer him. Tiger just cut ties with GM and his agent, Mark Steinberg, says, "There's too much uncertainty in the market" for Tiger to entertain other offers. This from the golfer who, when he came on Tour, wore approximately 48 Swooshes on his person at all times. The man will shill for you, in other words. Tiger's present-day restraint is one of those rare times an athlete has turned down a big-time corporate partner. Usually, the do anything practice is so commonplace that no one balks at even small-time sugar daddies. Michael Phelps may be the hottest endorsement commodity of the year and even he is endorsing a sports drink start-up that apparently doesn't have an ad budget. The company just gives him a cut of its profits.

But the move makes sense for Tiger. No other athlete has worked as feverishly to perfect the image he presents to the world; it's like there's a team of Germanic drolls, forever buffing the golden statue. If you're Tiger, why affiliate yourself with a company that reeks of death? If anything, Tiger has shown a business acumen that GM never had. After all, you nab Tiger and the best you can is align him with a Buick? A Buick?

No wonder the White Stripes left town.

Elsewhere…

When the English go back to India to resume a cricket series, security is going to be beefed up, big time.

The Portuguese start the trend of mandatory school for professional stars. Mr. Iverson, welcome back to Georgetown.

Insane. A guy finds his old high school ring inside a bass he catches from the lake in which he dropped the ring years ago.

Dakar rolls into South America.

Getting creative with the dimples on a golf ball.

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