Fantasy World: State of Urgency

Who to start and who to bench based on who still cares.

Getty Images

"Keep this on the D-L, but I think I found a plot flaw in Twilight."

So it's all come down to this. Roughly five months ago, you started preparations for your fantasy football draft, purchasing a number of draft guides and scouting a handful of preseason games in an effort to know everything possible about the upcoming season—from the new additions to the Browns offensive line to the height of the Bills rookie wide receiver. Then came the draft, perhaps a number of trades and ultimately, tracking your team on a week-to-week basis, trying to fix any weaknesses before, as Vince McMahon would put it, "The Big Game at the End of the Season". And now, after all that, you have to worry about your best players possibly sitting because certain teams have clinched playoff spots.

Or do you?

The common thinking is that Week 16 is usually when a handful of teams are already sitting players as they get ready for their own playoffs. But that just isn't the case this year. In fact, let's go through the slate, game-by-game, and see just why you don't need to worry about benching your studs heading into the championship week.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville, Thursday night
A win by the Colts will clinch a Wild Card spot for them, meaning all of their marquee players should be playing the full 60 minutes, which is really just a full 12 minutes and 8 seconds anyway. The Jaguars, meanwhile, will be donning the "playing for pride" mantle, which apparently means something to them after watching last week's dismantling of the Packers.
Bench: Nobody

Baltimore at Dallas, Saturday night
Two teams still in the thick of the wild card hunt—a loss here gives either team an uphill climb to the playoffs—is as good as it gets for fantasy purposes. No further analysis required.
Bench: Nobody

San Francisco at St. Louis, Sunday early
In any contest between two completely out-of-it squads, you have to be wary of coaches giving their premiere players a rest, especially if they're banged up. In this case, that specifically means Mr. Frank Gore. Even if he's cleared to play—he sat out last week, and this one's still up in the air—it might be safest to bench him. There's really no reason for him to get even more banged up; if the Niners were smart, they'd deep-freeze him in Carbonite until next year.
Bench: Frank Gore

Cincinnati at Cleveland, Sunday early
Let's just say that if you have to count on a Browns or Bengals player to help you in your fantasy championship, you're either cheating or playing with such a strange collection of rules no advice would help.
Bench: All, based on principle alone.

San Diego at Tampa Bay, Sunday early
Amazingly, the 6-8 Chargers are not only still mathematically eligible for the playoffs, but they actually control their own destiny. If they win this week, then next week's game at home against the Broncos is essentially a one-game playoff for the division title. The Bucs, meanwhile, are among a handful of teams still sorting themselves out for the NFC wild card spots. This is one of those games where both teams will be playing with that "sense of urgency" nonsense, which is always great to bank on, except for the other half of the time when it turns out to be completely meaningless.
Bench: Nobody

Miami at Kansas City, Sunday early
Who would've guessed that in a division with the Jets and Patriots, the two media darlings, the Dolphins could actually steal the title out from under the Jets' noses by simply winning their next two games? The first step to the Bernie Madoff-like heist will be winning this week against the Chiefs, who, while they haven't been playing for anything since Week 13, hasn't stopped them from trying.
Bench: Nobody

New Orleans at Detroit, Sunday early
Strangely enough, the Dome might actually have a playoff atmosphere booming inside, since this will mark the last time Detroit fans have a chance to help their team thwart the embarrassing 0-16 mark. Or, there could be only three people there and the game will be blacked out. Who knows? Just don't bench Drew Brees against the Lions, please.
Bench: Nobody

Pittsburgh at Tennessee, Sunday early
A Week 16 matchup basically for home field advantage throughout the playoffs? Yeah, the starters will probably be playing this one all the way through.
Bench: Nobody

Arizona at New England, Sunday early
This is going to be interesting. The Patriots are fighting for their playoff lives, while the Cardinals have clinched hosting a first-round playoff game, pretty much the best they can do. So all signs point to the better Cardinals players riding the pine while the Pats go all out. But that's before you consider (a) the whole "sanctity of the game" argument; and (b) the fact that it'd be sweet to be the ones to knock Belichick out of the playoffs. That said, Ken Wisenhunt seems like a smart guy.
Bench: All Cardinals, no Patriots

Getty Images

Is this head set a prop?

Buffalo at Denver, Sunday afternoon
Now is where it gets interesting. If the Chargers lose earlier, the Broncos will have clinched their division by default. If that's the case, Mike Shanaha will be getting his stars out of the game as quickly as possible, maybe keeping them out altogether after witnessing the running back mishaps that have hampered his team this year. If you have a viable option for Jay Cutler or Brandon Marshall, see how the Chargers game is going before making a decision. Buffalo, meanwhile, was mathematically eliminated from the playoffs last week, but there's a good chance Dick Jauron isn't aware of that yet.
Bench: Possibly all Broncos, depending on the early game

New York Jets at Seattle, Sunday afternoon
The Jets are part of that feisty 9-5 triumvirate with the Pats and Dolphins, meaning they'll save any rest for the offseason. Seattle is playing for nothing other than for Mike Holmgren sticking it to his protégé one last time, which is as good a reason as any to play intensely.
Bench: Nobody

Houston at Oakland, Sunday afternoon
Two mathematically eliminated teams, two more chances for coaches to pull their best players in order to (a) give some of the youngsters a shot; and (b) keep their stars fresh for next year. That said, judging by last week's coaching decisions from these two teams, those don't seem to be viable options.
Bench: Nobody

Atlanta at Minnesota, Sunday afternoon
A win by Minnesota clinches a division title for them, and Atlanta needs a win to stay in the wild card hunt. Yeah, they might want to play this one out.
Bench: Nobody

Philadelphia at Washington
While the Eagles don't control their own destiny, closing out the season with two wins means a lot has to happen for them to not make the playoffs. Washington, meanwhile, needs so much to happen to get them in that they'll probably be eliminated by the time you finish reading this sentence. But, as Jim Carrey said in Dumb and Dumber, "So, you're saying there's a chance", meaning Jim Zorn will be obligated to get Clinton Portis his touches.
Bench: Nobody

Carolina at New York Giants, Sunday night
Looks like the NFL figured out how to put this "Flex Game" thing to good use. This matchup will decide home field advantage throughout the playoffs. And seeing as teams tend to enjoy playing their games at home, let's just assume they'll be playing their starters all the way through.
Bench: Nobody

Green Bay at Chicago, Monday night
Depending on what happens in the earlier Vikings game, this game could mean everything to the Bears, or just be another battle of two mathematically-eliminated teams. That said, since this is a Bears-Packers game, there's always something at stake.
Bench: Nobody

---

Players On My Team of the Week: Although none of my five teams made it to their championship game, this final spot will have to go to Reggie Wayne, who rewarded my trust in him with a 104-yard outing.

How to Heckle One of My Players of the Week: "Hey Jay Cutler, maybe it's best to put those John Elway comparisons to bed for awhile, at least until you stop choking during the fantasy playoffs."

The Bill Buckner of the Week Award: To a group of Japanese workers at a "major transportation firm", after they celebrated a 60-year-old co-worker's retirement by throwing him into the air. Unfortunately, they failed to catch him.

Buy High: Sibling rivalry, after the Shircel brothers of Sheboygan, Wisconsin both bowled perfect 300s in the same game.

Sell Low: Childhood innocence, after a British schoolteacher was fired for (hilariously) telling a classroom of 7-year-olds that there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Print Article . Email Article. Subscribe to The Magazine