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Fatheads: What athletes need one of these things?

Fatheads are an interesting social commodity, no? Yet, some athletes lack them. Who deserves one that currently doesn't have one?

by Various Sports Observers, via Ted Bauer

Getty Images

That isn't actually Carson Palmer. It's an adhesive pic of him on a wall. What a society we live in, eh?

In the new issue of ESPN The Magazine, there is a feature on Fatheads (). Got us thinking: what athletes deserve their own Fathead that don't currently have one? We went to the experts. Before you can consume that info, though, here's a look at who does have a fathead in the four major US team sports:

NFL | NBA | NHL | MLB


THE NBA

RIC BUCHER, SENIOR WRITER, ESPN THE MAGAZINE:

Za Za Pachulia: because he has, literally, the biggest melon in the Association
Derek Fisher: biggest perimeter melon
Allen Iverson: if only because he told me recently he gets teased for having a tiny head
Charles Barkley: in jail garb on an exercise bike?

Seriously, though, it should be Manu Ginobili. Guy has three rings!

ISHITA SINGH, ESPN THE MAGAZINE INTERN:

Do you realize Shaquille O' Neal, who averages almost 25 points a game for his career, doesn't have a Fathead? He doesn't. Criminal. Granted: it's a lot of wall space (it's more like a "mural" than a simple Fathead). But how entertaining is this guy? He can also seriously bust a move.


MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

MATT MEYERS, ASSOCIATE EDITOR (MLB), ESPN THE MAGAZINE:

As someone with an actual fat head (size 8, what of it?), I'd like my large-domed brethren in MLB to get the honor of a Fathead. Kevin Mench might be relegated to Triple-A, but his 8 1/4 hat size deserves recognition. Same goes for Giants manager Bruce Bochy's melon. Dude wears 8 3/4, and legend has it that when he was first called up to the majors, they couldn't find a helmet to fit him, and had to send the helmet he used in the minors. I feel his pain.

ED MCGREGOR, SENIOR EDITOR (MLB), ESPN THE MAGAZINE:

It's an outrage that Mark DeRosa doesn't have his own Fathead. Guys plays six positions and stars for Team USA and what does he get? Traded (and no Fathead).

And no Dustin Pedroia? They're going to fix that, right?


THE NHL

MARK GILES, SENIOR EDITOR (NHL), ESPN THE MAGAZINE:

Dion Phaneuf (Flames): big, ugly (what Cuthbert sees in him I'll never know), menacing, booming shot
Donald Brashear (Caps): Fatheads desperately need a goon
Scott Niedermayer (Ducks): Fatheads desperately need the ur-playoff beard


THE NFL

TED BAUER, ASSOCIATE PRODUCER, ESPN THE MAGAZINE:

If you go to the "view 24 at a time" option on the NFL players page, there are still four pages to navigate through. What is that, 96 Fatheads? Ugh, my parents wasted some tuition money. Here's what I do know: JaMarcus Russell has a Fathead (semi-ironic), Matt Leinart has a Fathead (semi-awkward) and yet, Kurt Warner—who has won a Super Bowl and been to two others—does not. He also makes enough money next year to buy 40,000 Leinart Fatheads. Ha.


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