A 2009 National League preview: Viral Video Style

Ever wonder which NL club would best represent "Monkey Smells Finger?" We are here for you with the previews. And the videos.

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The Priates are rebuilding. Again. Time to bring in this guy for an explanation.

From The Hampster Dance to The Farting Preacher, there's nothing quite like a good Internet fad to get you through your work day. But did you know that the most popular 'Net fads of all time share similar qualities with baseball teams? (At least, that's the excuse we're making to link to our favorite videos.) So let's preview the upcoming MLB season by going team-by-team and looking at their fad comparisons. Here now: the National League.

THE NL EAST

The Braves: "Diet Coke + Mentos"
The Braves have a nice mix of veteran maturity (Chipper Jones and Javier Vazquez) and the carelessness of youth (Brian McCann and Jair Jurrjens). With the correct preparation and planning, the two elements can merge and become a wonderful combination of scientific study and stone-cold-just-having-fun, like the video. But be warned Braves fans, there's also a chance all that planning will be for naught and you'll be left with a huge mess to clean up.

The Marlins: "Little Superstar"
One of the youngest teams in baseball, no one expected much from the Marlins last year. But like the diminutive Indian dancer, there was no holding them back once the music started. The question is, will this be the type of team that just continually dances nonsensically, year-after-year, without any payoff? Or will they learn some new moves and start kicking ass?

The Mets: "Scary Maze Prank"
Like the unfortunate soul in the video, Mets fans have no reason to expect anything horrible because the team's combination of quality talent, an expansive payroll, a GM who isn't afraid to take chances, and a spiritual guru/coach overseeing the proceedings from his perch of tranquility should be enough to get them in the playoffs. Which makes it all the more hilarious when the collapse happens and shatters the fans' worldview forever.

The Nationals: "Leroy Jenkins"
Since their awkward move into our nation's capitol, the Nats have just been running head-first into battle without anything resembling a plan. And while there's something to be said about improvising, even Curb Your Enthusiasm has a vaguely sketched out direction of where each episode is headed. The Nats, meanwhile, now have to deal with this: Having about nine starting outfielders; one decent starting pitcher; a 19-year-old prospect who's really 23; and no GM. That last one might actually be a positive.

The Phillies: "Katana Sword Infomercial"
Tempting fate like the infomercial pitchman, last year's champs want to prove how tough their product is by partaking in some very questionable moves, particularly signing Chan Ho Park and paying way too much money for Raul Ibáñez. Don't be surprised if the end result turns out about the same, with someone eventually calling for "emergency surgery".

THE NL CENTRAL

The Astros: "I Like Turtles"
Nearly the oldest team in baseball, there's something enjoyable about the Astros "damn the torpedoes" approach when it comes to player management in today's environment of sabermetric snobs. However, like the kid in the video there's also something very unsettling and sinister lurking beneath the surface, even if you can't pinpoint it exactly.

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Skateboarding dogs, rolling into Milwaukee.

The Brewers: "Skateboarding Dog"
Since the Brewers weren't expected to ever get into the playoffs again, it was kind of fun to see them participate in a postseason, like watching a dog skateboard. But in the end, when you remove cuteness from the equation, it's not like the dog is doing anything special. Even worse for Brewers fans, expecting the dog to do something even a little more difficult—say, riding a bike—is completely out of the question.

The Cardinals: "T-shirt guy"
Like the video, the Cards are a team with one actual star and a bunch of interchangeable parts. Unlike the video, they can't use creative editing to make watching them more interesting.

The Cubs: "RickRoll'D"
Ever find a post on some random message board with a link to the long sought-after "nude photos of Jessica Alba", only to be given an immediate cold shower when you click the link and hear those first few electronic drum beats of "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley? Congratulations. Now you know what it's like to be a Cubs fan.

The Pirates: "Monkey Sniffs Finger"
No further analysis necessary.

The Reds: "Laughing Baby"
The team technically has the potential because of its relative youth  headed by Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Johnny Cueto and Edinson Volquez  but until they actually achieve something, they're a one-trick pony. Like that foolish, foolish child. For now, they're just kind of giggly to be in the big leagues at all.

THE NL WEST

The Diamondbacks: "Breakdance Baby Video"
Based on talent alone, the Diamondbacks should once again be the favorites to run away with the division. But no matter how professionally put together they are, don't be surprised if the performance is derailed by an uncontrollable outside force, namely the recklessness of a youthful lineup.

The Dodgers: "Star Wars Kid"
While they play in a division by themselves when it comes to payroll—last year the Dodgers had the 8th highest in the majors while the Giants, second highest in the NL West, had merely the 17th—when you step back and take a moment to look at them, the team is really just a lot of strange motions and noise (see: Ramirez, Manny) signifying nothing important in the grand scheme of things.

The Giants: "Dramatic Chipmunk"
The original video is kind of cute on its own, but when the editorial decision was made to add the dramatic score and cut the clip to a mere five seconds, it becomes the perfect example of why Al Gore invented the Internet in the first place. In the same way, the Giants wouldn't be worth much consideration in most other divisions, but in the NL West, if that pitching holds up and a few youngsters become consistent run-producers, this team must be taken as seriously as that chipmunk.

The Padres: "Grape Stomp"
There's so many levels of hilarity to examine in the video: The reporter gets into the mess because she's trying to cheat; the cameraman instinctively follows the fall before realizing he shouldn't be videotaping the horrific event; that amazing sound; the female anchor trying to keep a straight face at the end. It's a mess of amazing proportions, just like the Padres this past offseason. Unfortunately for Pads fans, expect the team to also get increasingly funnier the more you watch them.

The Rockies are "Leprechaun in Alabama"
Playing in the zero gravity of Denver must feel a lot like this surreal tale of magic, gold, investigative journalism, and the innocent citizens of Alabama. Is this an actual news story? Do these people really believe in leprechauns? Can the Rockies compete for an extended period of time and not just get into the playoffs with an occasional lucky run? In all cases, the answer will prove to be no. Or will it? (Yes, it will.) (Maybe.)

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