The Morning According to Us

Montana to Smith, coached by Matthews and Clausen.

Getty Images

Clausen gives way to Montana.

Oh, this is fair. For Oaks Christian academy in L.A., it wasn't enough to have the son of Joe Montana at quarterback, the son of Wayne Gretzky backing him up, and the son of Will Smith at wide receiver. No, the team had to go add Joe Montana as a coach, "advising" the offensive coordinator on Friday night. Opposing coaches, feel free to wet yourself.

Nick Montana is expected to be the star of this absurdly star-ridden team, and Dad apparently didn't want to take any chances with a D-I scholarship. (This is, after all, Nick's senior year, and the University of Georgia, among others, is "up there," on Nick's list.) So he'll sit in the booth Friday nights, the greatest quarterback in NFL history, and pick apart, say, Venice High's 4-3 defense. This is roughly akin to Sergey Brin critiquing the websites kids make in their computer skills class.

But the embarrassment of riches doesn't end with Joe Montana. Oaks Christian defensive coordinator Clay Matthews -- All-American at USC, 18 years in the NFL -- won't be able to coach this year. Clay Jr. is now with the Packers and Casey Matthews with the Oregon Ducks. Clay Sr. wants to watch his sons. So Oaks Christian has moved its longtime offensive coordinator to defensive coordinator and Casey Clausen -- the former quarterback at Tennessee and older brother to Jimmy Clausen, now at Notre Dame -- to offensive coordinator. So to repeat: On Friday nights, Oaks Christian will have a former four-year starter at UT and Joe Freakin' Montana deciding which plays the son of Joe Freakin' Montana should run, a son, by the way, who looks and throws just like Joe Freakin' Montana.

And here opposing ADs thought they were giving their players a chance by adding a fourth squat rack to the weight room.

Elsewhere…

56,000 pounds? No problem: Man pulls two buses 100 feet. I'm sure there was a fulcrum involved somewhere. It's always a fulcrum.

Saudi women pioneers brave the bloodthirsty clerics with ball games.

China's dominance may make badminton boring, they worry.

Nude Belgian cyclists compete with Cannes red carpet.

Print Article . Email Article. Subscribe to The Magazine