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Thursday, November 19

Editor's note: You can now listen to Stats Don't Lie as well as read it. Click the play arrow in the box underneath the photo to listen.

The life of an NFL head coach - Jon Gruden and Adam Schefter mentioned the life of an NFL head coach briefly on Thursday and I think it needs to be brought up again here considering all the NFL coaching rumors swirling right now. Apparently, the Bills are targeting Mike Shanahan and Bill Cowher for their coaching vacancy. Whoopee.

If you think there's any way that Mike Shanahan or Bill Cowher are going to coach the Buffalo Bills next year, you're a few wings short of a dozen. Being an NFL head coach is hard. To quote Jerry Maguire, "It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about." Even though he was talkking about the life of an agent, the same holds true for coaches. There's film review, meetings with other coaches, meetings with players, press conferences, practices and, oh yeah, coaching the games! And you've got six days to do it. Unless you play on Monday. Or Thursday. Or Saturday.

So when you see Patriots coach Bill Belichick go for it on fourth and two on his own 28-yard line, don't tell me he got caught up in the emotion of the game or that his ego got the best of him. The guy has spent hours in a dark room somewhere contemplating his every move in the game that week. He knew what he was doing.

That's why it's laughable when we hear the rumors about the Bills targeting Mike Shanahan and Bill Cowher to be their next head coach. Do you think that after living the life of luxury for at least a year that they're going to go through all of that in Buffalo? Millionaire coaches and millionaire players don't want to live in Buffalo. So go ahead, call them up and interview them. It won't matter. Here's how that call is going to go:

Bills: Coach, we'd like you to take over our football team next year.

Shanahan: That's nice. What's your offer?

Bills: Three million dollars.

Shanahan: ... and?

Bills: Umm, wings?

Shanahan: Right. Well, "30 Rock" is on, so I think I'm going to go.

Nobody wants to say it, so I'll say it: The only people that care about the Buffalo Bills are the Buffalo Bills. To everyone else, they are the team people forget plays in New York. I do feel sorry for Perry Fewell, though. The only position in sports less powerful than the interim head coach is the one I have. Good luck with that.

One last thing:

If you play any holiday music within earshot of me, you will be getting pummeled. It's November. It's not even Thanksgiving. Who decided it was okay to just ignore a major holiday and jump right to Christmas, Chanukah and all of the other December celebrations? We wouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day in January or Independence Day in June, so let's just stop the madness.

Monday, November 16

Editor's note: You can now listen to Stats Don't Lie as well as read it. Listen

LeBron James wants to change his number - After his game on Thursday night, LeBron said he wants to change his jersey number and that the NBA should retire the number 23 to honor Michael Jordan. Okay, that's it. I've officially had enough of all of the "LeBron wants to" or "LeBron is going to do something" stories. At this point we're reporting when the guy picks his nose. Enough! Nobody really needs to know what LeBron James thinks about every single subject. And retire Jordan's number? Give me a break. That reeks of so much bull I can smell it all the way in Bristol.

First of all, let's get one thing straight. Michael Jordan isn't Jackie Robinson - not even close. Jackie Robinson's jersey is retired throughout baseball because he transcended the game and became a significant symbol for civil rights and Michael Jordan starred in "Space Jam." Yeah, those are the same. Did Jordan's accomplishments just suddenly dawn on LeBron? Jordan retired after the 2002 season. If LeBron wanted to honor Jordan, he could have done that before he ever came into the league.

If you think LeBron wanting to change his jersey number is about honoring anyone other than himself, go stick a fork in the nearest light socket. This is a guy who openly admitted he wants to be the first billionaire athlete. When everyone thought he said winning was more important than a max contract, he quickly made sure to correct that by telling the AP on Monday, "Let's get this clear: I said the max contract doesn't mean more than winning. I didn't say, 'I don't need a max contract' or 'I'm not going to get a max contract.' All I'm saying is that winning is more important to me than money at the end of the day." If that's true, why did you feel the need to "be clear?" What a joke. LeBron wants to change his number so he can sell more jerseys - anything about Jordan is pure fiction. Stop giving us young people a bad name. Ever hear of a couple guys called Larry and Magic? Dr. J? Wilt? Pistol Pete? The NBA existed before Michael Jordan ever laced up a pair of sneakers.

Let's look back. First, LeBron talks about his impending free agency. Then, he plays in Madison Square Garden. After that, he says he's not talking about free agency anymore and the next day he announces plans to change his number. Wall, meet writing. New York, meet the King, and Cleveland, meet your lottery pick for the next three years.

Wednesday, November 11

Editor's note: You can now listen to Stats Don't Lie as well as read it. Listen

Andre Agassi bears his soul in his book - Andre Agassi recently admitted that he used crystal meth and intentionally lost matches during his career. Mike & Mike were confused as to why Agassi would reveal something that damaging to the world now. Lucky for you, I'm here to bail them out.

Why would Andre Agassi write an autobiography with some juicy nuggets about his career that no one has ever heard before? Here's a hint: it's green and there's a lot of old, dead white guys on it. Of course the answer is money. It's always money! It's like Gordon Gekko said in the movie "Wall Street," "What's worth doing is worth doing for money."

The guys kept saying that Agassi doesn't have to worry about money, but the truth is that everyone worries about money. Have we learned nothing from the cautionary tale that is MC Hammer? What about Antoine Walker? He squandered $110 million dollars! Sports is full of people who wasted their fortunes. Of course Andre Agassi could need money. Besides, even if he doesn't need it, have you ever heard anyone say, "No thanks, I have all the money I need already?"

And don't try and feed me this bogus idea that Agassi needs to cleanse his conscience. You want to talk to somebody, you get a dog. You don't put your entire career on paper, submit it to a publisher and distribute it to the public.

The only thing crazier than questioning why he wrote the book is the criticism coming from the tennis community. Some people even want Agassi to forfeit all of his accomplishments, which is also bogus. Last time I checked, recreational drugs don't let you run faster, jump higher or hit harder. If anything, they make it more difficult for you to do those things. People are so worried about drugs in sports right now they have a panic attack if an athlete takes a Flintstones vitamin.

I'm not saying I'm giving Agassi a free pass for anything he's done. If he has lost a ton of money and he really did struggle with guilt for all these years, I won't shed a tear. I just don't expect athletes to be great human beings. I expect them to be great athletes and Agassi was just that. Even if he did mail it in a few times. People need to get over that, too. Here's a hard truth: Anyone that says they've never had to go to work a day in their life is lying to you. At some point, everything becomes a job. Think about it. Haven't you had days when that alarm goes off and the last thing you want to do is get out of bed to go to work? There's always going to be days when you get to work, go through the motions, and go home whether you're an athlete or an actuary.

This isn't any different than any other tell-all book. If Khloe Kardashian wrote a book, people would be calling her just another greedy celebrity. Andre Agassi writes a book and no one knows what to make of it. Don't outthink the room. He's rich and famous and he'd like to stay rich and famous. Done and done.

Thursday, November 5

The Yankees didn't buy a championship - I'm usually first in line when it comes to hating the New York Yankees, but after Thursday's show, even I'm coming to their defense. I can't take all of the snide comments from whiny fans who say the Yankees bought a World Series title. Stop it. Spending money doesn't equal wins. Trust me, I know. Last year my Mariners spent $117 million dollars and lost 101 games. The Astros $102 million payroll got them 88 losses this year and the Indians paid $81 million to lose 97 games. How is this possible if spending money guarantees success? Nobody complained when the Yankees were blowing all their money on Randy Johnson and Kevin Brown.

Big money doesn't guarantee wins; it allows you to make mistakes. For example: $40 million for nine Carl Pavano wins in New York. If a small-market team makes that deal, it sets them back for years. The Yankees can recover in less than half a year.

Enough of these woe-is-me owners. If they spend half as much time researching players as they do crying poverty, they'd be in the playoffs every year, too. Yes, the big-market money makes it harder to sign the best players. Too bad. Be better. The Yankees don't sign everyone.

Russell Branyan cost the Mariners a whopping $1.4 million this year. He was 11th in the AL with 31 homers in just 116 games.

Bobby Abreu didn't sign with the Angels until February. That means every single team in baseball had a chance to get his 15 homers and 103 RBI. Did the Royals, Padres or Pirates pony up the 5 million? No, but somehow Kansas City found $36 million to flush down the toilet on Jose Guillen (.242, 9 HR and 40 RBI).

Every single person on this planet operates on a budget. Rich people's budgets are higher, but they still exist. Do those of us who can't afford a personal jet throw up our hands and resign ourselves to a mediocre life? No, we stop sucking down Starbucks every morning and figure out ways to stretch the money. Why should we expect less from baseball owners?

And by the way, it's not like the Yankees are stealing all their money. They make money the same way everyone else does: merchandise, ticket sales and television deals. Sure, the YES Network helps a lot, but that's one of the perks of being in the Big Apple. Without it, all those other owners wouldn't be able to cash that big, fat revenue sharing check every year.

The Yankees have been spending money my entire 24-year life. Do the other owners change their ways and sign undervalued players? No, they just sit on their butts and cry like Greeny after a bad mani/pedi. Until they change their ways, all those other teams deserve everything they get ... or don't get.

Wednesday, November 4

The Phillies' Game 7 dilemma - With the possibility of a Game 7 of the World Series looming large, everyone is wondering who the Phillies should start if they make it. The answer is simple: Not Cole Hamels.

I said this in the pre-show meeting on Tuesday and Golic poo-pooed me. Then we heard former Phillies closer Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams say the same thing on the show, and suddenly the Big Guy is seeing the light. As Tim Hardaway might say, "it's not rocket scientry."

This shouldn't even be a debate. Cole Hamels stunk this season. Look at his numbers: 10-11, 4.32 ERA and a .273 batting average against. Stink, stank, stunk. His playoff numbers? Even worse: four starts, 1-2, 7.58 ERA and a .316 batting average against. Oh yeah, that's just who I want pitching the biggest game of the season.

And yet, when we asked Buster Olney who he thought Charlie Manuel would give the ball to, Buster said the skipper would look into Cole's eyes and make a decision. What's to decide? He stinks this year! Apparently, Charlie is struggling with the decision so much because Hamels is the reason they won the World Series last year. Big deal! Let me know when it's 2008 again. When it is, I'll give the ball to Cole Hamels. Who cares what he did last year?! If the previous year was so important, why didn't Manuel go to Brad Lidge at the end of Game 5? Lidge was perfect last year, so he should be all set this year, right? Oh, wait ...

Hamels himself said he wanted no part of this season, wishing it would be over. Golic harped on the fact that he also said he wanted the ball for Game 7 in the same interview, but I'm calling shenanigans on that one. When you say, "I can't wait for it to end" and "It's been mentally draining," you really don't want to pitch again. Everything else is just window dressing. Ask yourself this: when there's two on and no out in the 4th inning, do you want the mentally drained guy who is thinking "here we go again" on the mound or do you want someone who is going to buckle down and get the job done?

I'm so done with all of this "look into his eyes, heart of a champion" talk. You know what you see when you look into someone's eyes? Their eyes! And possibly a little tiny image of yourself - that's it! People need to stop thinking with their hearts and start thinking with their heads. If a guy gets ripped all season, gets ripped in the postseason and gets ripped in his first start in the World Series, he's going to get ripped again and that's all there is to it. Sometimes guys just have years when things are different. Two years ago, you could have thrown A-Rod a beach ball in the playoffs and he wouldn't have hit it out of the infield. Now, he's so hot he's practically hitting home runs from the on-deck circle.

Don't overthink it, Charlie. Otherwise Cole will get his wish and your season will be over (and yes, I know that it'll be over anyway after Game 7, but come on, work with me here, people).

Tuesday, October 27

Eating on the sidelines - It doesn't matter how far removed from his playing days Golic gets, he'll still always think like a defensive tackle. On Tuesday's show, Golic said Mark Sanchez was in the wrong for eating a hot dog on the sidelines during the Week 7 game against Oakland. Many other people, including Sanchez's coach, Rex Ryan, said he should have eaten a PowerBar instead. Seriously?!

Why is it okay to choke down a PowerBar but blasphemy to chow down on a hot dog? I've only heard two arguments against Sanchez, the first being Golic's, "It just doesn't look right." If that's the best you've got, pipe down. "It just doesn't look right" is yet another example of Mr. Back-In-My-Day getting his hosiery in a twist because the game has passed him by. And no, I'm not implying that the game has passed Rex Ryan by. He had to say what he said in order to save face with all the crazies out there. Ryan let his team talk trash before playing the Patriots. Do we really think he cares about this? Besides, has anyone ever tasted one of those energy bar things? No one looks right trying to eat one because they taste like the bottom of your shoe. If you had a choice between an energy bar and a hot dog, which one would you take?

The other argument I've heard is that Sanchez "disrespected the game." Throw that right next to "he's a winner" and "aura and mystique" as the dumbest sports clichés of all-time. As soon as I get an angry letter from, "the game," I'll start worrying about whether I'm respecting it. Mark "Stink" Schlereth played offensive line for the Redskins and Broncos for 12 years, won three Super Bowls and played the game about as hard as anyone ever has. On our show, Mark has admitted that he routinely urinated on himself on the field during games. Everyone we've ever asked about Stink has had nothing but great things to say about him, including Hall of Fame coach Joe Gibbs. I wonder where "the game" comes down on that one?

We shouldn't care if our quarterback is doing Pilates on the sidelines. If he wins games, he's fine. The only thing that surprised me about the Sanchez hot dog was the fact that the NFL didn't fine him for not eating an officially licensed and league sanctioned meat product.

Jay Cutler's body language - Hall of Fame coach Mike Ditka came on the show on Monday and said he didn't like Bears QB Jay Cutler's body language during the Bengals 45-10 beatdown of the Bears. Neither did Greeny or Golic. Apparently, the entire team is going to take their cue from the quarterback, so he needs to hold himself higher. Body language was also mentioned after Mark Sanchez looked a bit down during his five interception game against the Bills in Week 6. Too bad it was just as much of a crock then as it is now.

Body language doesn't mean anything. After the Jets lost to Buffalo all everyone wanted to talk about was how Mark Sanchez was going to struggle forever because he was so pouty and upset on the sidelines. What happened next? Oh yeah, that's right, Oakland. Sanchez threw for 145 yards, a TD and no picks and the Jets hammered the Raiders 38-0.

Now we're doing the same thing with Jay Cutler? Why? Newsflash: Quarterbacks are human. When things go bad, they get sad. If a team is down by 28 points, do you really think players are going to be all rainbows and puppy dogs on the sideline just because their quarterback isn't pouting?

We've got to stop overthinking everything, otherwise we end up with analysis of things like this. When a team loses, people love to pile on, especially the fans. They live and die with their team, so losses really hurt. Usually, they look for someone or something to change so they won't have to feel that bad again. Hence, discussions like the one on Tuesday. If you're that concerned with body language go get Rosetta Stone. In the meantime, look at what takes place on the field, not on the sidelines.

Monday, October 26

Expanding instant replay in baseball - Tim Kurkjian's comments on instant replay on Thursday practically made me pop a blood vessel. I don't have anything against Kurkjian, I just think what he said is representative of what all those opposed to replay say and it just doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

Whether you ask Tim Kurkjian, Bud Selig, or anyone else about replay in baseball, you always get a laundry list of supposed obstacles standing in the way. Personally, they all sound like what I tell my wife when she asks me to do something off the "honey-do" list. "Take out the garbage? It takes too long to get to the dumpster, I like the rotting food element of the garbage and, besides, the Romans never had to take out the trash." That's when I get a look that could melt my face. Allow me to dismantle the anti-replay arguments (apart from the human element, which I already wrote about here, scroll down to July 21):

The disrupting the flow of the game argument - Seriously?! We're talking about baseball here! The only "flow" at a baseball game is the woman sitting in the outfield bleachers (Technically her name is "Flo"). How could there possibly be any flow in a game where batters can stop the action to adjust their batting gloves, re-strap their body armor, clean their cleats and grab themselves between every pitch? Where is the flow when pitchers can check the runner, step off the rubber, shake off the signs and throw to first as many times as they want? Worrying about the length of a game that doesn't use a clock makes less sense than "The Chevy Chase Show." We're not splitting the atom here, people. Fifty thousand people in Anaheim took about two seconds to see Robinson Cano and Jorge Posada get tagged out before touching third base in Game 4 of the ALCS. Are you telling me a Major League Baseball umpire couldn't do the same thing?

The slippery slope argument - Where does it end? Outfield catches? Balls and strikes? This is the classic exaggeration-to-prove-a-bogus-point strategy. No one (including Kurkjian) has advocated using instant replay for balls and strikes, because no one is that crazy. Let's try that argument in another scenario, shall we? I requested certain holidays off at the end of the year. Did ESPN panic and say, "Where does it end? What's next, Flag Day? Arbor Day? Earth Day?" No. They created a system of earning time off and moved on with their lives. Somehow the NFL managed to pull it off, too. Try it, baseball.

The "Who would be in charge of challenges?" argument - Managers? Umpires? Is this really the big hangup? Get a guy in a room with a television and you're done! Cocoa the Space Monkey could do that job! All he has to do is stare at the screen during the replay of any reviewable play. If there's a blatant mistake, he buzzes the home plate umpire and the call gets overturned. Don't tell me there's not enough time, either. The television broadcasts shows three angles of any play between pitches. By the way, any umpire that doesn't like it can cram it. If they spent as much time paying attention to the calls as they do watching each other's back we wouldn't have this problem in the first place! When is the last time someone criticized an NFL referee because he had too many calls overturned? We don't need the umpires' permission to change the game. Did anybody ask librarians how they felt about the internet? Baseball could also put the umpires with the least amount of overturned calls on the field for the biggest games, which reduces the likelihood of using replay anyway.

Wednesday, October 21

On the hot seat: Jeff Fisher or Norv Turner? - Six weeks into the NFL season and some coaches are already feeling the heat for their teams' terrible starts. Everyone (except Golic) wants to point to Jeff Fisher's 0-6 Titans, but I'm looking further west to Norv Turner's San Diego Chargers.

Before we send the torch and pitchfork mob after Jeff Fisher, let's take a look at his tenure with the Titans. In 14 complete seasons, he's 127-97. That's 30 games over .500. Only four active coaches are more games over .500 than Jeff Fisher. Over his career, he's averaged about 9 wins a year with 4 division titles and one AFC Championship. If you want to say that the team just needs a new voice, I won't put up a huge fight, but let's not pretend like all of a sudden Jeff Fisher forgot how to coach.

If the angry mob is going anywhere, it's going to sunny San Diego, where the Chargers have gone from super to sorry during Norv Turner's tenure. The team has gotten worse every year since they fired Marty Schottenheimer and hired Norv Turner. Marty was 47-33 in five years with the Bolts, had just one losing season and even went 14-2 the year he was fired. If it wasn't for Antonio Cromartie fumbling away a Tom Brady playoff interception in 2006, he might even have a Super Bowl ring. Since then, however, the team has regressed, especially the defense. In Norv's first year, the defense was No. 7 in the NFL in points allowed. The next year they fell to No. 15 and this year they're No. 28 in the league. All this with supposedly the most talented team in the NFL.

The Chargers barely beat the Raiders in Week 1, lost to the Ravens, lost to the Steelers, and lost to the Broncos on Monday Night Football. The only other team they've beaten is the Miami Dolphins, who are in year two of a massive rebuilding project. Unlike Jeff Fisher, however, Turner doesn't have the impressive head coaching resume to warrant such patience. He was 10 games under .500 in Washington, 14 games under .500 in two years in Oakland and just 5 games over .500 in two plus years in San Diego. Hardly inspiring. Even their own general manager, A.J. Smith, says the team plays softer than Golic's midsection.

Under Jeff Fisher the Titans have been a physical, hard-nosed team that competes every year. Under Norv Turner, the Chargers have been an underachieving tease that sinks lower by the game. Don't be fooled by the next couple of weeks, either. After essentially two bye weeks at Kansas City and Oakland, the Chargers play the Giants, Eagles and Broncos in consecutive weeks. What reason do we have to believe that they'll be anything better than 4-6?

Personally, I can't wait until Week 16 on Christmas Day, when the Chargers and the Titans play each other. By then, the Chargers will likely be about .500, while the Titans will have long since been eliminated. I'd bet my rent money that the Chargers come out flat and get pounded by Tennessee. That's the difference between a Fisher team and a Turner team. The Titans will come to play, while the Chargers will have one foot on the bus by the second quarter. It's time for a little more heat in San Diego, and a little less heat in the Music City.

Thursday, October 15

John Wooden turns 99 years old - I know I'm the guy that likes to rip on everyone, but after looking at all of John Wooden's accomplishments and hearing Bill Walton talk about him on the show Wednesday , I don't think it's possible for anyone not to respect the former UCLA coach.

Imagine a coach that stayed in one spot for 13 years, winning five titles and three Coach of the Year awards. That guy would be making millions of dollars and sought after by every school in the country. He'd also be exactly half as good as John Wooden was. Jim Calhoun isn't better than that. Calhoun has two titles and a .702 winning percentage in 22 years. Coach K isn't better than that, either. He has three titles and .753 winning percentage in 28 years. Not even Bob Knight can match that with three titles in 29 years at Indiana and a .708 winning percentage.

Wooden won 10 championships in a 12 year period at UCLA, six Coach of the Year awards and had an .804 winning percentage in 27 years. In other words, John Wooden is the greatest coach. In anything. Ever. The only person who even has an argument is Vince Lombardi. Lombardi won five titles in seven years (three NFL championships and two Super Bowls) and had a .738 career winning percentage. I'm still giving the edge to Wooden because he coached more games, had a higher winning percentage and had four undefeated seasons (including two in a row). And even though Pat Summitt has eight titles and an .834 winning percentage, I'm putting her behind Wooden based on the fact that the only team she has to worry about every year is Connecticut. The women's basketball landscape isn't as balanced as what Wooden faced. Edging out one good team every year doesn't cut it.

More than all of the accolades, however, is the way people talk about him. Bill Walton sings his praises on our show. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tweets about how great he is. How did a tiny little 56 year-old man relate to a 7'2" 19 year-old Jabbar (at the time known as Lew Alcindor) who had talent shooting out his eyeballs? Yet Wooden made it work. I've never heard or seen anything negative about him anywhere. Who else can say that? Google "John Wooden quotes" and see what pops up. "Be quick but don't hurry" is one. Another is "Never mistake activity for achievement." And another is "The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team." The guy is like a human fortune cookie. All that success and not a single chair-throw, crazy press conference or back room deal with another team. Even after 34 years, it looks like John Wooden is still showing us all how it's done.

Friday, October 9

There's no crying in baseball! - Tom Hanks' "A League of Their Own" character Jimmy Dugan had it right. Just shut up and play ball. I don't know if it's something to do with pitchers or if all baseball players are this whiny, but hearing Cole Hamels and Adam Wainwright cry about fairness makes me want to stick a fork a light socket.

Let's start with Cole Hamels. Greeny read his quotes on Thursday about how terrible it was starting the game in the afternoon instead of at night, and I could practically smell the BS all the way from Bristol. What is he, a vampire? Cole said the start time was disrespectful to the champions and broke their routine and blah blah blah. Yeah, it could be that, or it could be the fact that Hamels is 0-6 with a 5.44 ERA in day games this year. Whoops, make that 0-7 after Thursday's clunker.

What a load of garbage. What's the problem with day games? Does the mound get lower? Does the strike zone get smaller? No? Then just shut up. Going into this year Hamels was supposed to be the ace of the defending champions so he should act like it. Don't insult our intelligence. Hamels has a losing record this year for a team that went 24 games over .500. He knew he was going to get ripped again. Deal with it.

I could say the same thing to Adam Wainwright of the Cardinals. After Matt Holiday dropped a fly ball that would have ended the game, he complained about the white towels the Dodgers' fans were supposedly waving in the stands. I understand that he was trying to protect a teammate, but he couldn't even do that right.

If you want to protect a teammate, you don't blame the fans for cheering! All he had to say was, "It was a tough play on a line drive. Matt is a good fielder. That stuff happens to all of us." Don't tell me he lost the ball in the white towels the fans waved. Do NBA players ever complain about the fans waving thunder sticks behind the basket for every free throw? What about a cloudy day? Should we only play games when there are clear skies? Pretty soon we'll have marshals in the crowd holding up those "quiet please" signs they use at golf tournaments. He probably lost the ball in closer Ryan Franklin's hideous goatee. And speaking of Ryan Franklin, how about getting somebody out! The error only put a man on second. St. Louis had ample chances to win that game and they wasted them all.

The bottom line is this: Everyone has to face adversity. Whether it comes in the form of a hostile crowd, a terrible boss or even the dreaded sunlight, things will inevitably get tough. It's not about fairness and it's not about bad things happening to good people. It's about bad things happening. Period. The true test of a person is not the obstacles they face, but how well they overcome them. The Cardinals and Cole Hamels faced their tests already and were found wanting.

Thursday, October 8

Braylon Edwards and Michael Crabtree get new addresses - Between my glee over Crabtree agreeing with San Francisco and Greeny's glee over Edwards getting traded to the Jets, today's post-show meeting was the happiest scene since Mario rescued Princess Toadstool. I'm not really sure how I feel yet about either move, so I'll borrow something that Erik Kuselias used to do to help him figure things out in these situations. It's called "High Road/Low Road."

Braylon Edwards -- High Road:

In 2007, he burst onto the scene with over 1,200 yards receiving and 16 touchdowns - second only to Randy Moss's record-breaking 23 TD grabs. Even though his performance has dipped since then, Edwards still averages 15.5 yards per catch in his career and he's headed to a place with a better offensive line, a better running game, a better quarterback and a better head coach.

Braylon Edwards -- Low Road:

Braylon Edwards is the Lou Bega of NFL wide receivers - he's had one good year! In the 20 games since 2007, Edwards has 65 catches for just over 1,000 yards and a whopping 3 touchdowns. In other words, the Jets just acquired a receiver who's been averaging 50 yards and 0.15 touchdowns a game! Sweet! The only difference this deal will make is that now Edwards can drop passes in New York instead of Cleveland. I think I'll wet my pants.

Michael Crabtree -- High Road:

Michael Crabtree represents a significant upgrade at wide receiver for the 49ers. In college, Crabtree caught 231 balls for 3,127 yards and 41 touchdowns. He is the only player in history to win the Biletnikoff Award as the nation's top wide receiver twice. He'll miss the game against Atlanta and then have a whole bye week to learn the playbook and make an impact on the field. With luck, he could really be a boost to the team down the stretch of the regular season.

Michael Crabtree -- Low Road:

Learn the playbook?! This guy wasn't even smart enough to get signed on time! San Francisco went 3-1 with a wideout who is older than dirt and quarterback that most people couldn't pick out of a lineup if he was wearing a name tag. Crabtree's response? Sit around and do nothing for two months, then sign basically the same contract that was offered right after the draft. Way to go, Einstein. How do we know he's even good? This isn't Texas Tech and the last time the 49ers took a wide receiver in the first round (Rashaun Woods), he had 160 receiving yards in his entire one year career.

Quick Thoughts:

1) Twins-Tigers was awesome on Tuesday night. No other sport can match the drama of meaningful baseball. And no, crazy Twitter guy, soccer doesn't even come close.

2) The NHL season is officially underway. And that's all I'll say about hockey until the Stanley Cup finals.

3) Go see "Zombieland." It was awesome and it features a cameo that is top five all-time.

Wednesday, September 30

Solving the mystery of the Dallas Cowboys - The guys touched on problems for the Dallas Cowboys throughout the day on Tuesday, but they didn't quite connect all the dots. Araham Lincoln had it right over 150 years ago when he said "a house divided against itself cannot stand."

This will be breaking news for everyone who has tunnel vision on Tony Romo: The Cowboys are smashmouth team! Look at the them for a second. What do they have? They have three good running backs in Marion Barber, Felix Jones and Tashard Choice. Dallas is averaging almost 194 yards per game on the ground, which is about 25 more yards than anyone else in football. They have a tight end in Jason Witten who is easily among the top three tight ends in all of football. Witten is fifth in yards and second in receptions this season. Plus, they have a defense that's in the middle of the pack when it comes to giving up points.

Sound familiar? It should. That is how all smashmouth teams are composed. When the Chiefs were good every year, they had Priest Holmes running, Tony Gonzalez catching and a defense that kept them in the game. When the Ravens won the Super Bowl, they had Jamal Lewis running, Shannon Sharpe catching, and an all-time great defense. When the Steelers beat the Seahawks in the Super Bowl, they had Willie Parker running, Heath Miller catching and one of the most physical defenses in the game. They also had one other thing in common: a quarterback who protected the football.

Tony Romo does not do that. Entering his fourth year as a starter, Romo has 46 interceptions and has lost 12 of 32 fumbles in 39 career starts. In other words, he's given the defense a chance at the ball 78 times in 39 starts - basically twice a game. Smashmouth teams cannot do this and hope to win games. So yes, Tony Romo is the reason Dallas looks so pedestrian so far this year, but only because he doesn't fit their style of play. If you threw Chad Pennington behind center for Big D (pre-injury, of course), the Cowboys would look a whole lot better. Conversely, if you put Romo on a team with enough offensive firepower to overcome turnovers like the Chargers or Eagles, he'd be walking on water.

Bottom line: Gunslinger quarterback + smashmouth team = you screaming at the TV.

(Finally, a math problem that even Tony's ex could handle!)

Changing baseball's playoff structure - Peter Gammons started the discussion about adding an additional wild card team last week, and we asked Jayson Stark about it Wednesday. Jayson liked the idea, but Greeny was way too eager to penalize the wild card teams. If you're that worried about the wild card team knocking out a division winner, don't put them in the playoffs in the first place.

Where does it say in baseball's rules that the wild card team should be treated like second-class citizens? I'm not sure if anyone noticed this, but the wild card winner in the American League will have a better record than whoever wins the AL Central. Why do they deserve to be punished, again? The wild card teams often have more difficult roads to the postseason because they're trying to stay ahead of the best teams from an entire league, instead of maybe one or two from a particular division. Essentially, the wild card becomes a division unto itself, filled with far better teams than the bottom of any other single division in baseball.

I do agree that division winners are entitled to something, but not at the direct expense of their opponents. That's why home field advantage is the perfect solution. You still have to face the other team's best players, but you can to do it in your home park.

Forcing a team to burn their best starter just to earn the right to face their league's best team defeats the entire purpose of changing the playoff structure in the first place. Baseball is built for drama. The best part of the sport is the buildup of tension between games, between innings and between pitches. If a team has to use their best starter in a wild-card playoff game, you've just destroyed all the drama created by an additional playoff berth. Playing the Giants without facing Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain is like going to see Bruce Springsteen and not hearing "Born to Run."

Thursday, September 24

Peyton Manning vs. Johnny Unitas - Peyton Manning passed Johnny Unitas on the Colts' all-time wins list and the debate began. Listening to Bill Curry on this topic (or any topic) was great, but some of his reasoning for why Unitas was better wasn't.

I'm all set with e-mails from Grandpa Yesteryear going on and on about how Unitas would dominant in today's NFL. Spare me. I can hear the arguments already, "with today's advanced training methods and technology ... " and blah blah blah. I always laugh when I hear that. Advanced training methods? Tuesday on SportsCenter I saw Chargers cornerback Antonio Cromartie work out by dragging a tire through the dirt. Jerry Rice was the greatest wide receiver ever and he trained by running up and down a big hill a bunch of times - all very sophisticated stuff. Too bad none of that existed by in the '50s. Oh, wait.

"Well, Unitas and those guys didn't work out like they do today." What stopped them? Were there no gyms back in the day? Did they not have heavy things for people to lift back in the '50s? What did people do if they wanted to get stronger, pop open a can of spinach? "Yeah, but they had to work other jobs in the offseason." So what? I work 360 days a year and I still find time to go to the gym. What stopped all those players? You can forget supplements, too, because if you think the difference between Ray Nitschke and Patrick Willis is supplements, you're just lost. Why do we always give the players of the past a pass for not doing everything that today's players do?

Allow me to snap you out of the romanticism of the past and into the reality of the present. The elite football players of today are better than the elite players in Unitas' era, and that's just the way it is. That doesn't mean Unitas wasn't great, and it doesn't mean those players don't deserve all the honors they were given. It does, however, mean that if you give me the option between Peyton Manning and Johnny Unitas, or DeMarcus Ware and Jack Lambert, I'm taking Manning and Ware and I'll boat race you every time.

Other Quarterback Ratings - How is it that Greeny is wrong every time he gets into a hypothetical debate about player rankings?

During the show on Tuesday, Greeny ranked Terry Bradshaw ahead of Steve Young on the list of all-time quarterbacks, and I almost popped a blood vessel. Seriously?! How can you even argue that?

Let me guess: Bradshaw has four rings, right? Wrong. That's just the kind of drivel that someone throws out at cocktail parties to impress people who wouldn't know Vince Lombardi from Vince MacMahon.

In the same number of games, Steve Young threw 20 more touchdowns than Bradshaw, 5,125 more yards and 103 less interceptions. Bradshaw completed 51.9% of his passes, while Young was at 64.3% - good for the best in the history of the league when he retired. Not to mention Young's 2,982 more rushing yards.

Now, if you're one of those "stats aren't everything" people, let's look at the teams they played on. Terry Bradshaw played on teams with 8 other Hall of Famers, including two Hall of Fame wide receiver, a Hall of Fame running back, and a Hall of Fame center. Steve Young played on a team with two Hall of Famers. Jerry Rice and Deion Sanders.

During the break, Greeny argued that Bradshaw faced tougher competition, which is true, but as I just showed, Terry was surrounded by a much better team. If you give me Steve Young with four other Hall of Famers on the offensive side of the ball I'll beat any team you want to throw at me.

Greeny also said that Young's offenses were among the greatest of all time, and he was again correct. The reason those offenses were so great was because Young made them that way. Look at it like this: If Young played on the Steelers are they winning four Super Bowls? Absolutely. If Bradshaw was on the 49ers in 1994 they wouldn't even beat the Cowboys in the NFC Championship game. Other than throw right-handed, what could Bradshaw do that Young couldn't?

Super Bowl championships continue to be the most over-valued thing in all of sports. We've heard countless former players talk about how one player is better than another because he has more rings, and that's a bunch of bull. Players spend their entire careers chasing those rings, so of course they place too much value on them. They're too close to the situation to be objective about it. I've said it once and I'll say it again: the bling ain't always the thing!

Wednesday, September 16

Serena Williams' outburst at the U.S. Open - Greeny and Golic were a lot more understanding about this than I'm going to be.

Serena Williams threatened and verbally assaulted an official at the U.S. Open and was then cheered after winning the doubles title two days later. I can't believe how fans are generally so quick to chalk things up to the ol' "heat of the moment" or "I lost control" excuse. I know you lost control! The whole world knows you lost control and that's why we're mad at you. Try taking some personal responsibility for a change. How about saying, "I was upset because I was getting my butt handed to me in front of a stadium full of people and I didn't know how to express my anger." That's not too hard, is it? Instead, we get these pathetic, cookie-cutter "apologies" that are about as meaningful as Kansas City Royals games in September.

Why is it that things that would never be tolerated anywhere else are brushed aside simply because a professional athlete did it? And I'm not talking about breaking the law because lawyers have more to do with that than athletic prowess. I'm simply talking about behaviors that wouldn't be tolerated anywhere else in the world being quickly brushed aside for no reason at all.

What's the big deal? You play a sport so you can say and do whatever you want? Says who? What's so different about your job? Don't give me the "they've got a lot of pressure on them" excuse, either. I've got stress at my job, too. We all do. I have to make sure the show goes out live to millions of people and hundred of affiliate stations around the world every day, but that doesn't give me the right to threaten to shove sporting goods in people's body cavities. We all have stress, we all want to perform well at our jobs and we all try as much as we can to meet those expectations. Yet somehow we get through the day without belittling a completely innocent person. If anything, we have more stress at our jobs because we don't have millions of dollars sitting in a bank somewhere earning interest faster than Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the VMAs.

I'd better move on to something else before Kanye West interrupts me. By the way, Kanye? Other than when you're recording songs, don't get in front of a microphone. Ever. It doesn't end well for you. Thanks.

LaDanian Tomlinson doesn't look like his old self - Greeny and Golic joined the many people who don't like what they're seeing from Tomlinson these days. And no, I won't call him "LT" because that name is already taken by the greatest defensive player of all time, Lawrence Taylor.

Surprisingly, there are a large number of fans who refuse to believe that Tomlinson isn't the same player. What people don't realize is that the difference between breaking off a huge run and getting stuffed at the line is tenths of seconds. I'll never forget the episode of the old ESPN show "Playmakers" where the coach is showing the aging running back (who looks like Dr. Dre) why he isn't starting anymore. The film the coach plays shows a back running through a hole in the offensive line that closes in about three tenths of a second. If you believe the NFL moves any slower, you're crazy. Earlier this month on the show, Mark Schlereth and Marcellus Wiley told us that the difference between pass protection and a sack was the cadence from the quarterback. Believe me, running lanes close just as quickly. That's why running backs can't hold a job once they turn thirty. It isn't because they can't run fast or break tackles like they used to. It's because sooner or later, you can't hit that hole at the split second you need to anymore. LaDanian Tomlinson is going into his ninth year in the NFL. He's carried the ball 2,670 times and probably has been hit at least twice as many times. I don't think it's so inconceivable that he hits the hole three tenths of a second slower than he used to. And in the NFL, three tenths of a second is all that separates the haves from the has-beens.

Friday, September 11

My battle with Buster Olney - Greeny said I got slaughtered in an e-mail debate with Buster Olney, but as usual, he didn't let me give my side of the argument. Take a peek behind the curtain at Mike & Mike in the Morning. Here are the e-mails:

BUSTER OLNEY

Jeter is 35 years old, and he plays another five years and averaged 170 hits a year, he'll set the AL record for hits, and he'll probably finish his career ranked in the top 3 or 4 in runs scored.

So who, then, would make up the Yankees' Mt. Rushmore?

I would have Ruth, DiMaggio, Jeter ... and Rivera. Over Gehrig, Mantle and Berra...

Mariano is the single biggest difference-making player in the majors in the last 15 years... I've talked with players on Atlanta who believe that if the Braves had Rivera, rather than the Yankees, then it would've been the Braves who won three or four titles, rather than the Yankees.

STATS

Wait.. Jeter OVER Gehrig?! Come on! Why do we just assume that Jeter is going to have 5 more good years? Last I checked, 35 wasn't young.

BUSTER OLNEY

I'm saying five years with an average of 170 hits, which is a fairly conservative projection. The guy is going to wind up with 215 hits this season...

MIKE GREENBERG

stats hates jeter...

BUSTER OLNEY

And the reason Stats hates Jeter is... why, again?

Because he's good?

Because he plays hard?

Because he treats fans well?

Because he has dated all the women Stats had on his wall as a teenager?

Please clarify, Mr. Guerrera...

STATS

He's a great player, but.....

The problem is, he's just more fun to hate. He says the same things in interviews that A-Rod does, but never gets ripped for it. For years he couldn't field any ball to his left and was still considered a great SS. Any time he moves a runner over on base he's praised like he just gave someone a kidney. Every clutch hit he has ever got is immortalized, while his failures in those situations are forgotten (which is also the opposite of ARod).

That help?

BUSTER OLNEY

Wait a second... he does the same things that A-Rod does in interviews?

What are you hearing?

A-Rod: Says head-scratching things that require follow-up press conferences.

Jeter: Never says anything interesting, on purpose.

STATS

Doesn't A Rod get ripped for being too "vanilla" and "fake"? You just admitted yourself that Jeter goes out of his way to be just as boring, yet he's seen as the professional and ARod is the jerk. Why?

BUSTER OLNEY

Dude -- A-Rod's not ripped for being bland... A-Rod is ripped because he constantly steps in it, as he tries to please everybody. A-Rod's best career decision this year was to mostly stop talking.

A-Rod is a great player.

But the question stands: Why do you hate Jeter? What is there really to hate?

Let me guess: You hate sunny days, Girl Scout cookie drives and the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, right?

STATS

Too much sun is bad for the skin, and girl scouts are annoying, but the Grinch is a GREAT movie.

And that was it, but this is my blog so I get the final word on Jeter. I'm not saying Jeter isn't a good player, because he is. I'm saying he gets way too much credit. I'm not the only one, either. In 2008, a Sports Illustrated poll of almost 500 players named Jeter the most overrated player in the game. So all the, "you don't know what you're talking about because you never played the game" people, chew on that.

When any broadcaster says the words, "Derek Jeter" on any broadcast, the next word out of his mouth is, "intangibles." People go on and on about what a great leader Jeter is and how integral those intangibles were to the Yankees' dynasty. First of all, it's hilarious how people try to quantify intangibles, which by definition can't be defined. That's why they're intangible! Second of all, since being named captain in 2003 and having the most money and the best players in baseball every year, Jeter's wondrous leadership has produced zero World Series titles for the Yankees. You know I don't think championships are everything, but if you're going to tout his intangibles as the reason for their titles in the past, you've got to hold it against him now.

Also, if he is such a good leader, why didn't he stand up for A-Rod when A-Rod was getting ripped for not being clutch? Jeter could have put his arm around him and told everyone to back off, but instead, he disappeared like Bill Cosby in "Ghost Dad." Wouldn't that be when the team needed a leader most? And don't tell me it was because he knew A-Rod was using something, because if he was really the good Samaritan people make him out to be, he would have spoken up about it.

Jeter is also always mentioned as the ultimate team player. Any time "the captain" moves a runner over, he gets praised like he just gave someone his kidney. But if he was such a team player, why didn't he change positions when the Yankees acquired A-Rod? Rodriguez was clearly the better shortstop (and still is), yet anyone who suggested that was called a blasphemer and practically stoned to death. Jeter should have gone to second base. And don't give me anything about Robinson Cano, because he wasn't even on the team in 2004. Miguel Cairo played 113 games at second that year.

Let's keep going. Every clutch hit he's ever gotten is immortalized, while his failures in those situations are forgotten. Does anyone even know Jeter has a .262 career average in league championship series (or that A-Rod's average there is .315)? The last time we saw Jeter in the playoffs, he was hitting .176 against the Indians in the ALDS. More Derek Jeter facts: He's never been an MVP. He's never been a batting champion. He's never been the best player on his own team (thank you, Mariano Rivera).

Some people think he might be the third best shortstop ever - big deal. That's like being the best song by Celine Dion. Let's look at the top three without Jeter: Honus Wagner is No. 1 and Cal Ripken Jr. is No. 2. Quick, who is No. 3? Exactly. Most people can't even name a third option.

The thing that bothers me the most is that people think I have no right to dislike him. Unfortunately for all the emotional Yankees fans, you can't factually prove to me why I should like someone. Let's save all that reverence for players who actually deserve it.

Wednesday, September 9

Matthew Stafford is named the starter in Detroit - Here we go again. The Lions have decided to name Matthew Stafford their starting quarterback for 2009. Personally, I can't say for sure whether he deserves the job or not. Some people look at Stafford's 44.4 passer rating this preseason and call this a bad move. Other people I've heard from say the rookie is the real deal. What I don't want to hear is how much of a disaster this move was if the Lions start the year 0-5. And if the stars align and they happen to start the year with five wins, I don't want to hear tons of praised heaped on Jim Schwartz, either.

I'm sick of everyone changing their cliché whenever a new quarterback starts. If he plays well right away, they say how great it was that he was able to start playing quickly, get reps and learn the speed of the game. They point to guys like Peyton Manning and Dan Marino and say, "See, this strategy works!" For what it's worth, former Ravens coach Brian Billick said on the show today that he supported the Lions' decision.

On the flip side, when players like Aaron Rodgers come in after being the backup for a while, all we hear about is how much they learned while holding the clipboard on the sidelines. Suddenly, GMs are telling all their coaches to sign a veteran QB to tutor their prized rookie signal caller.

Stop this madness. Anyone who judges the value of decisions based on their outcomes is probably the same person who thinks "Real Housewives of New Jersey" is a good TV show. The truth is that good decisions don't always turn out good and bad decisions don't always turn out bad. Franco Harris missed his block on the "Immaculate Reception" and scored the game-winning touchdown. The Raiders traded for Randy Moss and he didn't do squat. Starting Matthew Stafford from day one is either a good decision or a bad decision right now. The Lions record in the first couple of games this season won't change that.

If I had to pick an option, I think I'd start Stafford. The Lions aren't going to be very good this year anyway, so he's not under any pressure to carry the franchise to a championship or anything like that. Stafford doesn't have to be good this year. He's got to be good two or three years from now when he's got better talent around him to really make his mark. Take this season to adjust to the game at the NFL level and re-evaluate things after the season.

Quick thoughts after producing the show last week:

1) I now completely understand why Liam doesn't have time for a blog of his own. This show will swallow you if you're not careful.

2) Tennis in person is a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be. Watching Roger Federer toy with the best college player in the nation wasn't too bad, either.

3) Tennis in person from a stadium suite is even better. I always said I'd give my suite away to the common fan if I ever owned a sports team. After my experience last week, I seriously have to reconsider that one. Full buffet, leather couches, and your own bathroom? Sign me up, especially when there's outdoor seating attached to the suite. Definitely the best of both worlds.

4) Dunkin Donuts needs a new way to transport a single donut. That brown paper bag just isn't working out anymore. Every day I get a chocolate frosted doughnut with sprinkles on it in the morning, and every day it's in the bag frosting-side down. And Mike and Mike wonder why I'm so bitter.

Tuesday, September 1

The Cowboys' scoreboard creates controversy - Only the Dallas Cowboys could build the most expensive stadium in the history of football and end up with a 160 by 53 foot obstruction over the field. Now owner Jerry Jones doesn't want to move the thing because it's expensive and could affect the view of the highest-paying fans. Boo hoo.

This situation epitomizes the Cowboys as an organization. Instead of worrying about how they're going to replace Terrell Owens' offensive production, or about how their head coach almost lost the team last year, the team is answering questions about a part of the stadium that interferes with the game on the field. I shouldn't be surprised anymore, though, because their owner has always been all flash and no substance. Jerry Jones didn't even get a punter there during construction to make sure the scoreboard was high enough. Instead, he just looked at the NFL recommendations and continued right on down the road. Gee, for $1.2 billion, wouldn't you want to make sure everything was just right? Before the Colts invested $720 million in Lucas Oil Stadium, they had Hunter Smith punt at a metal pole above the field. Before Jerry Jones invested over $300 million more than that in the new Cowboys' Stadium, he had a coffee.

I'm not saying the Cowboys' play on the field is all Jones' fault, but don't fool yourself - owners matter. Look at the teams that have won Super Bowls. Teams like the Colts, Patriots and Steelers win. Do we see their owners behind a microphone all the time? Did we hear as much about the Colts are moving into a new stadium last year? When was the last time we heard anything about Jim Irsay demanding the Colts sign a particular player?

Teams with meddling owners don't have real success, and if they do manage to have a good year once in a while, they do so in spite of their ownership, not because of it. The last time the Cowboys won a playoff game was 1996. I was 11 years old. The only time the Cowboys were ever really successful under Jones was when Jimmy Johnson (who joined us Thursday ) was there telling him where to stick it. All it took to sustain success in Dallas was one of the greatest talent evaluators of all time. In Oakland, Al Davis' Raiders haven't won more than 5 games in a season since 2002. And I don't even want to hear any noise about George Steinbrenner, because Joe Torre kept him at bay during all those championships in New York.

The bottom line is this: when you want to look at the health of an organization, look at the person who signs the checks. It's like my grandfather always said: the fish stinks from the head (it sounds better in Italian). If the CEO at the top doesn't have his stuff together, you can bet your mortgage that the rest of the company will be in disarray, too. You should raise that scoreboard, Jerry, because you and the fans sure aren't going to like what they see on it as long as you're around.

Wednesday, August 26

Michael Vick gets scolded for drinking - Anyone who reads this blog knows how I feel about Michael Vick. I've made no secret of the fact that I didn't think he was a very good quarterback with the Falcons and I don't think he'll do much of anything with the Eagles. That said, I find myself coming to his defense right now about his apparently scandalous drink at the airport.

Golic was wrong before the show in the green room and was wrong two hours later on the air. I get that Vick is on thin ice right now. I understand that he will be under the microscope throughout his entire "conditional reinstatement" period. The thing is, whether you're looking through a microscope or a telescope - there's nothing wrong with having an alcoholic beverage.

Let me get this straight. Vick goes through his first practice with the Eagles. It's probably hotter than Jessica Alba in a bikini outside, and afterwards, he'd like a cold beverage. He heads to a restaurant for a drink and people think it's national news.

This just in: Michael Vick did not violate his parole after practice. Back to you.

Now all of a sudden you've got Tony Dungy scolding him and people ripping him left and right. Isn't that how we want our athletes to handle their alcohol consumption? I'm not saying Vick is going to be a model citizen, but in this particular case, he was fine. The fact that this even became a story is sickening. We're in the middle of the baseball pennant races, NFL camps are in full swing and we're wasting our time with Michael Vick's vodka and pineapple juice? No, thank you. On my list of worries, Vick's drink ranks slightly below my morning yogurt. Let's move on, shall we?

A couple nice things, for a change:

They call it "CrackBerry" for a reason - Due to yet another cell phone going belly up, I found myself in the market for a smartphone this weekend. After some search (and some financial wrangling), I ended up going with the BlackBerry Tour and I haven't put it down since then. I'm pretty sure there's nothing it can't do. Who knows, maybe with a quick download it can even get Tony Romo to win a playoff game!

Just as addicting - Even though I've worked at ESPN for 5 years now, I still get giddy for fantasy football. Setting the pre-draft rankings for all three of my leagues gets me way happier than it probably should. Now if I can just manage to actually win more than 4 games this year (thanks for last year's debacle, Braylon Edwards), I'll really have something to cheer about.

Sunday, August 23

Plaxico Burress is going to jail - There is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. - Monsignor, "The Boondock Saints"

I can't believe how many people e-mailed and texted about poor, poor Plaxico Burress on Friday. Are you kidding me? Didn't you see "The Boondock Saints?" In order for our laws to mean anything, we must enforce them. It's not our job to sit around and wonder whether Burress knew the law, whether he intended to hurt anyone or whether he thought twice about wearing sweatpants to a night club. He. Broke. The. Law. Period. Why should we care that he's going to jail? That's like feeling bad for the burglar who hurts himself while he's breaking into your house.

Burress is going to jail for the most avoidable crime in the history of illegal activity and there's simply no reason why his sentence should have been anything less than the two years he got. You can't use the, "he didn't hurt anyone," defense. Even if the only person hurt during a crime is the criminal, he's still breaking the law. If you're driving drunk and you hit a telephone pole, you still get charged with a DUI.

You also can't say, "he didn't intend to hurt anyone," either. Donte' Stallworth didn't intend to hurt Mario Reyes, but I didn't hear all the cries for Donte' when he was sentenced. Yet for some reason his intentions don't matter while Burress' intentions absolve his sins. And speaking of Stallworth, the "Donte' killed someone and he only served 20 days" defense doesn't hold up either. In case you haven't noticed, our justice system doesn't hand out sentences by comparing crimes with everyone who has ever done something wrong. Nobody thinks Bernie Madoff should have gotten the same sentence as a guy who stole a Gatorade from a 7-Eleven. Sorry, it just doesn't work that way.

And to crazy Second Amendment guy - you might want to try reading the Bill of Rights before trying to use it to support your stupid arguments. The Second Amendment says "A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." Nowhere in there does it say anything about obtaining permits for those arms. We might have the right to own them, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be rules for doing so. Burress isn't going to the clink simply because he brought a gun to a club. He's going to jail because he didn't have a permit for that gun. And if he thought his expired 2008 Florida permit was good enough, he deserves to sit in the pokey. If you're too lazy to read and obey all the rules for owning a gun, you don't deserve the freedom of walking around in public with a loaded weapon. Peace out, Plaxico.

As usual, a couple things ticked me off during my vacation:

Online technical support - If a company has a "virtual chat" option and you feel the urge to use it, save yourself a lot of time by smashing your head into the nearest blunt object as hard as you can. That was more useful than the advice I received after 45 minutes of "chatting" on Monday night. Also, here's a tip. Don't ask me to fill out a customer service survey after jerking me around for almost an hour. It doesn't end well for you.

Businesses that don't accept debit cards - I don't care if you're Walmart or a mom-and-pop store, it's time to step into the 21st century. Suck it up and pay the transaction fee, people. Otherwise you don't deserve my business. That includes you, random ice cream places.

Thursday, August 13

Dear Kevin Youkilis,

If you're going to charge the mound, make sure you don't get owned by the youngest player in the Major Leagues. I guess they taught him self-defense in that gym class he was probably taking 3 years ago, huh? Bummer.

Love,

Stats

Why is it that every player who gets beaned becomes an instant martyr? - Anytime someone gets plunked he's all up at arms about how he's a "target" and "that's not how you play the game." Get over yourselves. You would think a guy who is lauded for getting on base so much would love a free trip down to first. Craig Biggio was hit by a pitch 285 times, which is second in the history of baseball. Want to know how many times he charged the mound? Zero. Youkilis has been hit 52 times - good for 358th on the all-time list. Just shut up and jog down to first base.

Oh, and it was nice to see how Steve Buckley of the Boston Herald framed the incident:

"Youkilis charged the mound, whereupon a terrified Porcello kept backpedaling away, seeming to say, 'What did I do?' Youkilis flung his helmet at Porcello, and when they both went down, the Detroit pitcher landed on top of the Sox batter."

No wonder newspapers are in the stink pot with this kind of fiction! Anyone who saw the highlight saw Youkilis get thrown to the ground like a rag doll - not bad for a "terrified" 21-year-old kid. Even Greeny didn't think Porcello was scared and if there's anyone that knows anything about running away like a frightened turtle, it's Mike Greenberg.

And enough with the "rally the squad" stuff, by the way. If he wanted to inspire his team, maybe Youkilis should try hitting higher than .214 in the biggest series of the year with the Yankees. Three hits in four games against your biggest division rival doesn't really fire up the locker room. Oh, getting an RBI would help, too. Just a thought.

Tiger Woods and I play golf - Someone should tell the PGA Tour that they can't do anything to Tiger Woods. Ever. The guys actually nailed this one perfectly, for once. When a player singlehandedly controls the financial success of your organization, you don't make him angry. Otherwise, Tiger will leave the PGA, start the Tiger Tour and take the game's best players with him. Do you think sponsors would be interested in televising events with Tiger and the other top 20 players in the world? That might work.

As for my golf experience, I played with some other Mike and Mike staffers last weekend. Here's a couple photos that illustrate how I fared. The first is me with Headlam. The second was taken after another less than beautiful drive.

Friday, August 7

Enough of the "he never played the game" meatheads - I was pumped on Wednesday when Greeny played Keith Law's comments on Hank Aaron from AllNight on ESPN Radio. Aaron wants to see Pete Rose reinstated and all the names on the 2003 steroid list released, and Keith said, in so many words, that Hank Aaron's opinion on these topics doesn't mean squat and Keith is 100% right.

Just because you played the game doesn't mean your opinion on everything about it is automatically correct. Before you go crying about how I'm a young punk who doesn't respect history, take a deep breath and read the rest of the post. I don't have a problem with what Hank said, I have a problem with the idea that it matters more than what Keith Law or anyone else says.

I understand that Hank Aaron hit more home runs than any other player in the history of the game before the steroid era. He also has more RBI than any other player in the history of the game. Hank is a first-class person and deserves to be mentioned with the greatest to ever lace 'em up. There's just one problem: None of that means anything for the purposes of this discussion. We aren't debating Aaron's legacy here. We're talking about Pete Rose and the 2003 steroids list.

How does the ability to hit a 95 mile per hour fastball over a padded wall make you any more qualified to decide whether someone who admitted to betting on games should get into the Hall of Fame? When we talk about Pete Rose, all we're really debating is how serious gambling on baseball games really is and whether you think Rose has suffered long enough. Aaron's tremendous athletic ability makes him an expert on this matter? Why? Does his opinion matter more than Ozzie Smith because Hank hit more home runs? What about Jay Bell? He was a two-time All-Star over 18 years. Should he get a say in the matter or was he just not talented enough to earn a vote?

The point is this: If you're asking Hank to debate the greatness of two players or whether 70 homers are easier to hit than a .400 batting average, I'm all ears. I'll defer to "The Hammer" on those. But if you're asking him general questions about baseball just because he played baseball, I'm not going to treat his answers like gospel. That's like asking a fat person about world hunger just because they've eaten more than their fair share of Twinkies. There are certain topics that we can all have an equally valuable opinion on and Pete Rose is one of them. And don't give me the, "Hank Aaron is the foundation of baseball" blather, either. I've got news for you - we've been playing baseball for over a hundred years and it wasn't built by any one person. If Aaron never existed, the game would be doing just fine.

The reason people can't be objective about this is because Hank Aaron is a likable guy. Tons of baseball fans grew up watching him bash baseballs into the bleachers, and he reminds them of the good ol' days when they were kids. You know, the days when all baseball had to worry about was rampant cocaine use. Those fans are angry that Hank's record fell to a likely steroid user, so they rush to defend their victimized hero whenever someone disagrees with what he says.

That bulge on the top of your neck isn't just a hat rack! The next time a Hall of Famer chimes in with his two cents, let's take a second to think about what we're talking about before declaring his word infallible.

Wednesday, August 5

Genius is never appreciated in its own time - It's good to be back after vacation, or at least, it was. Between Monday and Tuesday, Greeny and Golic have ripped me enough to need another week off. I'll get to my list of everything that gnawed at me over vacation in a second, but first, it's time to clear some things up.

The guys got into a conversation on Tuesday about how Golic became a different person out on the football field. As Greeny pointed out, some athletes seem to have trouble reconciling the two personas, which can get them into trouble. I think that excuse is garbage.

If actors can become completely different people for months at a time, football players should be able to separate their game faces for their real faces. Actors have to change the way they look, walk, and talk for hours on end. I never hear Johnny Depp blaming his most recent role for any run-ins with the law.

Both groups are completely immersing themselves in another persona for the sake of getting a job done. Obviously, Hugh Jackman isn't really using adamantium claws and a super healing power to take down an entire unit of mercenaries while filming "X-Men," but you can't tell me he doesn't have to turn a switch on and off. His on-screen image is just as fake as the one Golic had to use on Sundays.

Why not try stepping up and accepting personal responsibility for your actions? We all do stupid things, but nobody tries to play the "I'm really a victim" card more than today's professional athlete. Yes, you have the microscope on you. Yes, everyone wants a piece of your time. Yes, you have a very demanding job. That's no excuse for doing something dumb. You're still responsible for what you do in your life. Stop falling back on stupid excuses that some lawyer or advisor cooked up for you to avoid jail time.

Things weren't any easier for me on Monday, either. - Ed Reed mentioned that he thinks about retirement and I took issue with the fact that he would think about retirement even though he is in the middle of his prime. Golic ripped me again, but allow me to explain why he should stick to just eating instead of talking.

I understand that the reason most players retire is because they don't want to go to training camp every year, and they don't want to work out like crazy in the offseason. But why would anyone stop doing something at the exact moment they can do it better than anyone else on the planet? It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm sure playing in the NFL is an experience that's unlike anything else you can do on this planet. There's nothing like the feeling of playing in front of thousands of people every week. Unless you're a kicker or a punter, once you stop playing football, it's over. You can never return to the field again for the rest of your life. Would you really not regret walking away from that at your peak?

I bumped into Erik Kuselias in the café on Tuesday and he did make the one point that refutes my argument: I am assuming that all these guys love playing the game but maybe they don't love the game. I'm not one to give credit to Kuselias, but I have to admit, that's the only way I could understand someone retiring when they're the best in the world at what they do.

Now, on to the list of things that ticked me off while I was away:

1) Can we please get some Dunkin Donuts in Rhode Island already? There's a Tim Horton's every 30 feet, but if you want a D&D you've got like two options in the entire state. Who is Tim Horton and how did he muscle his way into the coffee industry?

2) There is absolutely nothing to do in Rhode Island if it rains. I never thought I'd say this, but the day it rained, the wife and I actually retreated to Connecticut for something to do.

3) The cable package at the place we were staying had about 12 channels. Three were public access, three were home shopping networks, three more were in Spanish, and just for the irony, one was the TV guide channel. If it wasn't for "Deadliest Catch" on Discovery channel, I might have lost my mind.

Wednesday, July 29

Editor's note: While Stats is on vacation this week, Mike and Mike in the Morning associate TV producer Seth Horwitz fills in.

Seth's Cubs confessional - Hi, my name is Seth Horwitz and I have something to confess. For 25 years, I have been a Chicago Cubs fan.

I know it is crazy. How could one willingly root for a team that hasn't won a World Series since 1908? Heck, they haven't even made a World Series since 1945. A team can have a bad year, even a bad decade, but to have a bad century? Yet, here the Cubs go once again pulling at our heartstrings.

The Cubbies actually made an appearance as "The Good" in Buster Olney's "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" with Mike and Mike on Monday. And then, Alfonso Soriano's game-winning grand slam on Monday night put the Cubs in first place by half a game over the Cardinals. Since then they've dropped back a half game behind the Cards. Sure, the Cubs have vaulted into the mix in large part by sweeping the lowly Nationals and the slumping Reds. But Aramis Ramirez is back and starting to get healthy, Soriano is coming back into form after a dreadful couple of months and Rich Harden is finally finding his groove. On the other side of things, the Cubs' lone All-Star Ted Lilly is on the DL, Ryan Dempster missed three starts after injuring his toe celebrating a victory and Geovany Soto apparently changed his name to Rick Wilkins over the offseason.

Then there is the small matter of history. The Cardinals have won 10 World Series including one as recently as 2006. This decade has actually been quite successful for the Cubs as they have won three division titles. The playoffs have not been so succesful. In 2003 they blew a 3-1 games lead in the NLCS and followed that up by being swept out of the NLDS in their next two playoff appearances. Is it a surprise the Cubs are riding a 9-game losing streak in the postseason? What else would one expect from the Cubbies? And to think, the last two years I actually requested the last week of October off just in case the Cubs made the World Series. Needless to say, that wasn't the wisest decision on my end.

But for some reason, hope springs eternal for us Cubs fans. Just the other day I was thinking what it would be like if the Cubs made the World Series. Of course, then I remembered the American League will have home field advantage and I don't trust Kevin Gregg in the bottom of the ninth in a potential Game 7. But, I may be getting ahead of myself just a little. I'm not asking for sympathy as a Chicago sports fan. I've witnessed the Bulls win six NBA titles in the '90s and vividly remember Super Bowl XX. I just want to one see the Cubs win one World Series. Having the nickname "Lovable Losers" is only cute when it isn't your team stuck with such a tag. After all, it is getting hard to talk up how the Cubs may have been the team of the '00s. The 1900s that is. Few people remember that Cubs dynasty. Sure, there is the chance the Cubs could win the World Series this year. But even if they don't and whether I like or not, I'll be feeling optimistic about the team's chances in 2010. Eventually, it has to be our year.

Monday, July 27

The value of a championship - "Ricky Bobby" was wrong. Just because you aren't first doesn't mean you're last.

Cris Carter co-hosted the show on Friday and was all fired up because of a column about the best players never to win a Super Bowl. I don't blame CC. In all sports, and especially football, players don't win championships - teams do. To say you didn't accomplish anything without a ring is just ridiculous.

If you win a title, you have proven that for that season, you are the best team in the league. Imagine if there were Lombardi trophies given out at your job. You're a salesman who works on commission and the highest selling employee receives a huge trophy at the end of every year. Does that make everyone who doesn't win the trophy a terrible salesman? What about a guy that wins the trophy one year, but then finishes last in sales every other year? Is he better than the guy who finished second every year?

Championships do mean something, they just don't mean everything. Brandon Stokley won a Super Bowl with the Ravens in 2000, but there's no way you can argue that he was a better receiver than Cris Carter! It's not Carter's fault Gary Anderson missed a 38-yard field goal in 1998. If he makes that kick, Cris and the Vikings are in the Super Bowl and he could very well be walking around with a ring today.

By the way, if Cris kept ripping the music I was choosing for the rejoins on Friday, we were going to have a serious throw down after the show. Sure, he might have the height, weight, reach, experience and speed advantages, but I have the ... umm ... nevermind.

I'll be on vacation this week, but the perpetually-happy Seth Horwitz is filling my shoes. Enjoy all the merriment. We all know I won't.

Tuesday, July 21

The case for expanding MLB instant replay - I've already written about how baseball moves at glacial speed, so I'm not going to rehash all the reasons why we won't see instant replay expanded in the near future. After Tuesday's show, my wrath is pointed at the countless e-mails about keeping the human element in baseball.

I guarantee if you don't want instant replay expanded in baseball you're over the age of 30, enjoy reading an actual newspaper in the morning and have no idea how to tweet. People who get it realize that if we had instant replay when we were inventing this game we would have used it from the beginning. I've said it once and I'll say it again: you have to evolve with the times.

In what other area of life would we shun modern technology in favor of the "human element"? Would you want your surgeon using a machete and a pair of pliers when he operates on you? I bet you wouldn't be a huge fan of the human element if you saw the doctor standing over you looking like "Crocodile Dundee" just before the anesthesia kicked in.

In reality, we're all fans of the human element until our team gets hit with a bad call. I bet former Mike and Mike producer Scott "the Gnome" Shapiro was in favor of instant replay after his Twins lost Monday night's game on a blown call at home plate. Or what about the Padres losing the one-game playoff to the Rockies in 2007 for the same reason? I'm pretty sure Trevor Hoffman wasn't walking around saying, "at least we still have the human element in the game" after that one.

What all the baseball purists need to realize is that technology upholds that sanctity of the game, it doesn't tear it down. Technology helps us get the calls right and lets us play game the way the it's supposed to be played - by the rules. Baseball has been around for over a century and in that time every single aspect of the game has evolved, except the umpiring. The ballparks are smaller, the mound is lower and the balls (and the players) are juiced. It's time we give the umpires some help, too.

Michael Vick's future in the NFL - Serving your time doesn't wipe the slate clean.

Greeny and Golic both think Michael Vick should be reinstated by Roger Goodell, but there's one important distinction they didn't make. As usual, I'll pick up the slack.

I hope all the crazy "Michael Vick served his time" people read this slowly so they understand it. Vick does not deserve to get another shot to play in the National Football League. He is simply allowed to play there if the league (and a team) will have him. It should not be, and is not, against the law for Michael Vick (or any convicted felon) to play professional sports. However, if the league decides it doesn't want to be partially represented by someone who committed a felony, it is totally within its rights not to hire that person. You can call it hypocritical if you want to, but there's nothing wrong with Roger Goodell telling Michael Vick not to let the door hit him on the way out of his office.

It's not personal, it's not political and it's not racial - it's financial. The only color that matters is green. If the NFL decides that the league will make more money with Vick playing on Sundays, he'll be reinstated. If it decides that the hit from corporate backers will be too costly, Vick won't be anywhere near the field. That's just the way business works. If ESPN found someone to run the board for Mike and Mike that could do the job at the same level I can for less money, I'd be out on the street faster than you could say "back and better than ever."

Friday, July 17

Greeny rips my all-time baseball team - Who needs Babe Ruth, anyway? With Tim Kurkjian sitting in for Golic, a listener asked him which players he'd put on his all-time team. Being the huge baseball fan that I am, I sent my team to the guys and Greeny immediately flipped out because I didn't choose Babe Ruth in right field. I'm not denying that Ruth is the greatest player of all time. But if the point was to put together the greatest team ever, I don't want a slow fat guy running around in right field, I don't care how well he can hit. Defense matters in baseball and I can get plenty of power from other areas. I want the players that will complement each other the best.

My team was Bob Gibson, Yogi Berra, Lou Gehrig, Rogers Hornsby, A-Rod, Mike Schmidt, Ted Williams, Willie Mays and Rickey Henderson. I don't care that Rickey never played right field. The guy ran like the flash. I think he could handle a corner outfield spot (especially with Willie covering all the ground in center). On any given day, I'm throwing 3,748 home runs at you, so I think we'll be okay without the Bambino. On the other hand, I have almost no speed on the team. Willie Mays is the only real stolen base threat on the squad and Rickey has more swipes than the rest of the team - combined. Even with a team of all-time greats, they still fail roughly 7 out of 10 times. Stolen bases help my team score runs even without hits.

By the way, Tim and Greeny left out the all-time hits leader (Pete Rose), the all-time home runs leader (Barry Bonds or Hank Aaron if you prefer) and the all-time wins leader (Cy Young). Where is all the outrage about that?

Bud Selig gives his "state of the MLB" address on Mike & Mike - Baseball is either incompetent or lazy (or maybe even both).

On Monday's show, Greeny and Golic spoke to MLB commissioner Bug Selig about the state of Major League Baseball. When asked about determining home field advantage in the World Series by record, the commissioner threw up his hands and claimed such a system would be impossible.

Impossible? I think maybe Bud should pick up the phone and call David Stern and Gary Bettman. Somehow they seem to figure it out every year. Hockey can't even get their games on a channel that people know exist, but somehow they manage to get everything set up for Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals! Last time I checked, we don't pick the World Series teams out a hat. Once the league championship series are set, there are only four possible cities the World Series can be played in. In May of this year, Brett Favre's friends reserved 25-30 rooms in a Minnesota hotel for November. Somehow baseball can't manage to figure this out? Get the traveling secretary to jump on the phone and reserve rooms in each of the cities ahead of time. As long as you don't have George Costanza running the show, it shouldn't really be a brain buster!

It's just another example of how baseball takes the easy way out when it comes to their fans. The classic baseball strategy: throw up your hands and do nothing. Instead, they try and justify the ridiculous All-Star Game rule by insulting the fans' intelligence. If you don't want to change the rule, just say so. You're the commissioner of the league - do what you want!

The commish even went on to say that he felt vindicated because the retired players commented on how much they liked the change. Big deal. Here's a thought: try getting the opinion of people that actually matter. Find out what 18-34 year old males think and go with that. Once again, baseball isn't looking at the big picture. You don't follow the old advice, you follow the new advice - that's where all the advertising dollars come from. Basically, when you're on the phone with David Stern about the scheduling, ask him how he runs his league and copy that.

Monday, July 13

Mike & Mike are coming to your house! - I would normally never write something like this, but when it comes to cancer, I'm going to make an exception.

Greeny and Golic mentioned the V Foundation auction on Friday and the chance to have the show broadcast from your home. That is definitely a very cool experience and I hope people that can afford that give it their best shot.

I remember last year that many of you were angry because you felt like you were priced out of many of the experiences. As someone that lives paycheck to paycheck, I can understand that. I'm here to ask you not to let that stop you from helping.

Full disclosure here: I'm passionate about this because cancer has changed my life forever. My father was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease when I was very young. My memories of my dad involve him losing his hair and gaining his walker. I remember when he was so disoriented by the combination of medication he had to take that he asked me to bring him the remote control he was already holding. Turns out he wanted a pillow. I remember the time my mom told my brother and I that we couldn't come with her to the hospital to see him. My dad had gotten so sick that he told his wife not to let his sons see him - he didn't want his boys to remember their father with tubes sticking out of his body and an oxygen mask covering his face. Unfortunately, those are the only memories I have of my dad. He died in 1994. I was nine.

I'm not telling you this to get your sympathy. I'm not telling you this to make you cry. I'm telling you this because I want to take as many steps as possible towards a world where no 9-year-old kid will ever lose his father again because of a disease we haven't researched enough to cure.

Do me a favor. Log on to Facebook and look at the picture of you and your best friend from last year. One of the people in that picture is going to have cancer. According to the V Foundation website, one out of every two men will have cancer in their lifetimes. One out of every three women, too. Three out of every four American families will have at least one family member diagnosed with cancer. At least one family member. I wasn't that lucky - how do you like those odds?

It's not all gloom and doom, though. Our donations are making a difference. We're not fighting some abstract cause that we'll never defeat. For the first time in more than 70 years, annual cancer deaths in the United States have fallen. Sixty six percent of adults diagnosed with cancer will be alive in five years. Among children, nearly 80 percent of childhood cancer survivors will be alive after 5 years. We're getting there.

We can help. It doesn't matter how much or how little you contribute, because 100% of every donation goes towards kicking cancer's teeth in. Let's get to work.

The online auction is under way now and the on-air auction is Wednesday, July 15th.

Wednesday, July 8

Chad Ochocinco wants to Twitter during games - If you're over 35, it's time to evolve or be left behind.

Chad Ochocinco said he wants to step up his tweeting during the season this year and the guys don't really like the idea. Golic was willing to let him go nuts at halftime, but Greeny was having none of it. He never really clarified the reason why, though. Allow me.

The reason athletes are so into Twitter is the same reason some fans (especially older ones) don't like it. Those 140 characters give us a little window into the true personality of the author. Instead of the usual drivel we hear during interviews and press conferences, we can read athletes' true feelings in their own words - something many of them are clamoring for. The more access we have to these athletes, the more we see cracks in their armor. Older fans could never get the same view of their stars because the pedestal they were kept on was too high. Can you imagine if Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth could tell us their plans for the night? Instead of knowing that Babe was going to be at four different parties until three in the morning, all we saw of him was his trot around the bases after another monster home run.

The coverage of athletes in my lifetime has been so intense that I know more about them than fans from earlier generations ever could. When Jerry Rice complained about not getting the ball enough, it might be heard by a lingering beat writer. When T.O. yells at a teammate, it's caught by the sideline camera, the sideline microphone, the HD camera, the overhead remote controlled steady cam and the secret security camera in the upper deck that's controlled by Bill Belichick. Before the offense is back on the field, the whole world wants to know what was said, why he said it and how every coach and teammate is going to deal with it. Younger fans have seen nothing but stumbles by athletes, so we're a lot more forgiving of their foibles.

People just love Manny being Manny - Golic brought this up today, and for once, the big guy nailed it.

There is no one in sports that has had it better than Manny Ramirez. In Cleveland he was in a lineup with more big names in it than in President Obama's blackberry. He signs an 8 year, $160 million deal with Boston in 2000 and helps them win their first World Series since 1918. Then he wins another in 2007. Other career highlights include delaying a home game while peeing during a pitching change and high-fiving a fan in the stands during a play. Then he tanks it for the same team he helped win the World Series twice and gets traded last year. In the process, Manny goes from one of the harshest sporting environments in the country in Boston to one of the most laid back sports cities in the country in Los Angeles.

Once in Los Angeles, Ramirez hits .396 in 53 games - singlehandedly carrying the Dodgers to the playoffs. Over the winter, he signs a 2 year, $45 million deal that makes him one of the highest paid players in the game. He also spawns "Mannywood," which is basically a shrine to him in left field where fans can buy a ticket to worship the Baby Bull.

On May 7th of this year, he gets suspended for violating baseball's drug policy and misses 50 games. During that suspension, his team never misses a beat and practically sews up the NL West title. His fifth plate appearance after the suspension, Manny hits career home run 534 - tied for 16th all time.

During his career, Manny has made about $162 million, won two World Series championships, one World Series MVP and made 12 All-Star teams - all while avoiding any real backlash from fans about breaking two out of baseball's three cardinal rules. The reason? Three simple words: "Manny being Manny."

I don't care about Jim Sorgi backing up Peyton Manning, Stephon Marbury "earning" his check by doing nothing or Carl Pavano's vacation in the Big Apple - nobody has the Midas touch like Manny Ramirez.

Monday, July 6

Terry Francona doesn't like the format of the MLB All-Star Game - When did we turn into a bunch of sissies?

Terry Francona told Derek Jeter last year that he just wished the game would end so no one would get hurt. That's the biggest pile of garbage I've ever heard in my life. No wonder the ratings have gone in the toilet. If the manager of one of the teams doesn't care about the game, it shouldn't come as a shock that TV ratings have gone down every year for practically a decade.

The problem with the All-Star Game isn't whether it counts or how many pitchers are allowed to make the team - the real problem with the game is how it's managed. Managers are so afraid that someone is going to get hurt, they start subbing players almost immediately after whichever fossil throws out the first pitch.

Why is everyone afraid that a player will get hurt? No one has been seriously injured in an All-Star Game since Ray Fosse got run over by Pete Rose almost 40 years ago. Man up, people! Yes, a player could get injured, but anything could happen. Rickey Henderson once gave himself frostbite - in August. Ken Griffey Jr. once missed time because his protective cup pinched his testicle and John Smoltz burned himself ironing a shirt that he was still wearing. Injuries happen. Deal with it.

Anyone who is concerned about breaking a nail during the All-Star Game doesn't deserve to be there in the first place. Fans, managers and players have chosen the people they think are the elite members in the sport - it's time to start acting like it. And if Terry Francona can't handle the stress, no one will shed a tear if he's watching the game from his couch like everybody else.

Jim Brown rips Tiger Woods - There are some people that time has just passed by, and you can add Jim Brown's name to that list.

Jim Brown thinks Tiger Woods doesn't do enough for society, and he's dead wrong. Athletes help more people today than they ever have in the history of sports. What Brown refuses to grasp is the fact that athletes are bigger today than they ever were when he was playing. They don't need to have gang member negotiations at their house like he did, because they can help on a much bigger scale. Tiger's foundation helps millions of kids. Millions. And he's just one athlete. Combine that with other players' foundations and you've got more aid going to more people than ever before.

I'm not sure if Jim notices, but a gangbanger could care less about what Tiger Woods has to say. Can you imagine Tiger showing up to talk to them in his polo shirt and khaki slacks? He'd end up fighting them off with his nine iron. Middle and upper class kids are the ones who care about Tiger Woods because they're the ones that can relate to him.

What I don't get is how Jim Brown doesn't understand how things have evolved. He and Jackie Robinson paved the way for the athletes of today to be able to help society the way that they do. They're the reason that all these foundations can exist. That's why their legacies are elevated beyond the playing fields and into the fabric of American history.

Thanks, Jim. We'll take it from here.

Wednesday, July 1

13-year-old Evan Berry commits to play football at Tennessee - Just when you think sports stories can't get any dumber, the bar reaches a new low.

At 13 years old, this kid is going to change his mind so many times he'll make Brett Favre look like stable human being - which is what any person his age would do. When I was that age I wanted to be a chef and a doctor and a quarterback. A decade later I throw like Johnny Damon and the only food I can prepare is Fruit Loops.

Berry won't be the only one changing his mind, either. Schools change coaches so often it's rare for a senior to be playing for the same coach he committed to three years earlier. If Lane Kiffin's career at Tennessee lasts twice as long as his Raiders career, he'll still be a year away from seeing Berry on the field. What could the kid possibly have done to catch anyone's attention, tie his shoes by himself? I'm sure the scouting report on Berry reads something like, "slightly undersized - should shoot up once puberty sets in." What's next, previewing players in the womb? "That fetus has great body control - he handles the umbilical cord really well." I guess as long as the student section goes crazy and players show more emotion than the pros, people will swear by college sports like a bald guy with spray-on hair. Wake up, people. Greeny's right - this stinks.

Just hearing the guys talk about that story makes me feel like I need to take a shower. I could be wrong, though. Lane Kiffin could be wildly successful and Evan Berry could end up having a great career at Tennessee and a Hall of Fame career in the pros. Forgive me if I'm not hoping for that, though. This has got to stop here or we're headed down a dark and slippery road. In three years, I don't want to see teams on a stakeout outside a Baby Gap looking for the quarterback of the future.

Quick Thoughts:

1) The only thing worse than the grunting in women's tennis is hearing all the noise famous former players are making about it.

2) If you bring food in your car to eat after your date, like our Seth Horwitz, you don't deserve a second date. I can tolerate a lot of things, man, but that's just bad form.

3) Jayson Stark has the best trivia questions ever, but Greeny and Golic are lucky I'm not allowed to guess the answers with them. If I was, I'd crush them like Albert Pujols crushes hanging sliders.

Wednesday, June 24

Donald Fehr steps down as Executive Director of the MLB Players Association - We've seen time and time again that baseball fans are among the most irrational people walking the planet. Throw in five to eight years of righteous indignation about PEDs in baseball and what you're left with is a raging bull ready to charge - and Donald Fehr is wearing red.

It wasn't Donald Fehr's job to protect the sanctity of baseball. It wasn't Donald Fehr's job to make sure the Pirates had a chance to win every year. It wasn't Donald Fehr's job to make sure everyone was clean. For about a quarter-century, it was Donald Fehr's job to look out for the best interests of his players and that's exactly what he did. When he took the job as acting director in 1983, the average salary was $289,000. It's now $2.9 million. The minimum salary was $35,000 in 1985 and it's now $390,000. Fehr took the owners behind the shed for colluding and won a $280 million settlement. Baseball players have the union that every other professional athlete dreams about. It is the only aspect of baseball that makes its NFL counterpart cry like a kid who just dropped his ice cream.

If you're mad about performance enhancing drugs, there are a lot of other people besides Donald Fehr that deserve your anger. I'm not saying Fehr is blameless, but you've also got to throw some heat on Bud Selig, the sports media, and, oh yeah, the players! It's nice to think that one person can be responsible for something terrible, but we're not in kindergarten anymore. In order for something this big to go down, people in power have to turn a blind eye and a thick skull to what's going on around them. Don't waste it all on Fehr, people. There's plenty of blame to go around.

Quick Thoughts:

1) I don't care what anybody says, Lou Gehrig is nobody's wingman. When you hit .340 lifetime and average about 150 RBI a year, the term "wingman" does not apply.

2) If you're a GM in the NBA, and you don't own the No. 1 pick, why would you even want to draft anyone?

3) I didn't see "The Hangover" last weekend, so I guess I am as pathetic as the guys make me out to be.

4) Producing the show for a week takes over your entire life. Even if "Aladdin" was on again, I wouldn't be able to watch it!

Friday, June 19

Clearing up my position on Rocco Mediate - As usual, the guys are way off on how I feel about pretty much everything.

I want to make one thing clear: I never used the word "loser" to describe Rocco Mediate. To me, there are very few things you can call someone that are worse than loser and he doesn't fit that description by any means whatsoever.

What makes me want to stick pencils in my ears is when Greeny and Golic go on and on about how great Rocco's performance was and how close he came to beating the greatest golfer on the planet. For one thing, he wasn't nearly as close to beating Tiger as they make him out to be. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Tiger on one leg? This isn't to bang on Mediate, but Tiger was at half strength and it took the game of Rocco's life just to come in second.

Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with them praising a great round by anyone, but this is ridiculous. The problem is that everyone, including the Mikes and Rocco himself, are acting like he took home the trophy! I even heard someone on radio later that day refer to the performance as (and I'm not making this up) "a triumphant defeat." Don't read that quote too many times or your head will explode.

It is literally impossible for anyone to achieve a triumphant defeat. It's like the Ghostbusters crossing streams or Seinfeld's infamous "roommate switch" - it cannot be done. You can't be both a success and a failure at the exact same thing at the exact same time. Sorry.

Also, I'm not shocked Rocco took home second place. He didn't even think he was going to win. During the interview, he said that it was a privilege to be on the same course as the greatest player in the world. What kind of defeatist attitude is that? Why even compete in the same tournaments as Tiger, then? If he's so much better than you, Rocco, pack up your clubs and take up bridge. You proved to the world that Tiger Woods can't humiliate you at a game you've been playing your whole life. Congratulations.

Why must we continue to praise people who do their best and fail? Learning how to deal with life when things don't go your way is part of becoming an adult. Part of the reason we strive for success is because we enjoy the rewards that come with that success. If we're always breaking our arms patting mediocrity on the back, we're going to end up with a bunch of David Ecksteins. Sometimes you try your best and it doesn't work out. Try harder next time. Losing should hurt, and if you aspire to be great, it should take a long time to get over. Sometimes that means some tears on the way home, but what people don't realize is that those tears make you that much harder to beat next time.

Quick Thoughts:

1) Jose Canseco is trying to sue because he and some other PED users aren't in the Hall of Fame. Just when you start to change your opinion of Jose, he proves just how stupid he can be.

2) Ryan Leaf is now in the custody of the authorities. This is why millions of people watch the NFL Draft every year. One franchise may get one of the top five quarterbacks of all time and another can get a socially awkward NFL dropout who will face decades in prison.

3) Manny Ramirez is starting his minor league rehab assignment on Tuesday, June 23. Is anyone else confused about how a player who is suspended from his baseball team can play with another baseball team before that suspension is over?

4) If I don't go and see "The Hangover" within a week, I will officially be as pathetic as Greeny and Golic make me out to be.

Wednesday, June 17

Shaquille O'Neal trade rumors - Tim Legler wasn't enamored with the idea, but he was only half-right.

Shaquille O'Neal and LeBron go together about as well as David Letterman and Sarah Palin. LeBron's game is driving to the hoop and I don't think that's going to be too easy with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man camping out underneath the basket.

If you're on the "Shaq will be motivated" train, allow me to derail that. Shaq will be 38 next year, so unless he's motivated enough to go back in time, he's not going to be the player he once was. He can't play a full game or a full season anymore, so basically you're banking on Shaq to give you a boost in the playoffs. This year, the Big Overrated put up 18 points and 9 rebounds game. Even current Cavs center Zydrunas Illgauskas wasn't far off those numbers averaging 14 points and 8 rebounds.

That's okay, I guess you can depend on Shaq's stellar foul shooting to get you over the hump - oh, wait. This kind of move is nothing but desperate. Imagine the call to LeBron to share the good news: "Hey LeBron, it's Danny Ferry, you know, your GM? We just got you an out of shape diva who can't even put up a double-double anymore. So ... yeah ... please don't leave!"

Here's a tip to all the GMs out there: Look at the numbers in the book instead of the names on the jersey. If you're trying to prevent the greatest player you'll ever see in your lifetime from making your team disappear into the unwatchable septic tank that is the majority of the NBA, you'd better come at him with more than Kazaam.

Golic "wins" a charity golf tournament - Golic's team won the championship, with the aid of 24 do-overs.

This is what it's come to for the big guy. Golic's athletic resume has disintegrated so much since his NFL days that he now has to fight, scratch, and claw to win a charity golf scramble tournament in which his team had one extra player and two dozen extra shots.

Golic claims the victory was legitimate because it was within the rules of the charity golf tournament to buy mulligans with the money going to the charity, but Greeny and I disagree. First of all, 24 mulligans during 18 holes of golf is more ridiculous than Brett Favre's multiple retirement mulligans. How proud can you be of any "championship" in which you get a "do-over" more than once a hole? That would be like Dwight Howard getting another chance at the free throws he missed in Game 4 of the NBA Finals - as well as every other foul shot he missed in the series (actually only 23 total, not quite as bad as Golic).

And mulligans on the green, Golic? Yeah, sure, technically it's not illegal, but neither is counting cards at a casino - though they'll still throw you out on the street if they catch you doing it. Where's your sense of pride?

Maybe we should sell Golic some of those mulligans for the show!

Friday, June 12

Best coach ever: Phil Jackson or Red Auerbach? - I must admit, I used to trash Lakers coach Phil Jackson, but now I've come around.

Greeny and Golic talked about who the greatest coach in NBA history is with Jalen Rose on Thursday and brought up some good points. When you consider everything that Phil has to deal with today, I don't think Red is even that close to Phil.

When Auerbach was in the league, the coaches had all the power. When the coach said jump, the players asked how high and that was the end of it. If you didn't like it, you were either cut or benched. Now, the players are running the show. They can hold out, demand trades and switch teams via free agency. Good luck holding onto Larry Bird, Bill Russell, Bob Cousy and John Havlicek for all those years under the current system.

Speaking of talented players, you can stop yapping about Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen and Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant. Yes, Phil has had good players, I'll give you that, but there were two other coaches in Chicago that had Jordan and Pippen and five other coaches that had Shaq and Kobe in Los Angeles. Those seven coaches won as many NBA titles as I have so it can't all be the players.

Also, as Greeny said, how many titles did any of those players win without Phil? Shaq is the only one to take home the glory without the Zenmaster, but he was with Dwyane Wade and Pat Riley in Miami.

If you're asking who has smoked more cigars, it's Red in a landslide. When we're talking best coach, it's got to be Phil.

Rex Ryan vs. Channing Crowder - Jets coach Rex Ryan was honest and Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder is an idiot.

I love the little war of words between these two guys. Go at it! Mike & Mike's gambling-addicted researcher Paul Carr has installed Crowder as the early 3-1 favorite, but I'll take Ryan because he's wily.

Plus, Rex is right. The divisional crown does go through New England. Yes, Miami won the division last year, but they didn't exactly beat juggernauts every week. The Bills, Broncos, Seahawks, Raiders, Rams, Chiefs and Jets don't exactly put the fear of God into anyone. Yes, they did beat New England and San Diego, but they also got blown out by the Pats the second time they played and the Chargers only went 8-8 last year.

Next year the Dolphins play the hardest schedule in the league with an opponent winning percentage of just under .600. They could very easily drop their first three games to Atlanta, Indianapolis and San Diego and play probably the most physically demanding stretch of games I've ever seen between Week 9 and Week 15. By the way, five of those seven games are on the road.

The Patriots, meanwhile, play all of their toughest games at home other than the one against the Colts and they're getting this guy Brady back at quarterback. He was pretty good for them two years ago.

Rex Ryan is giving the Jets some personality and I like it. You can't always be the "take it one game at a time" kind of team. If you're going to be boring all the time, you have to win. So far, the only active coaches to do that are Tony Dungy and Bill Belichick. As much as people cry about not wanting to hear people talk trash, sports would be a thousand times more boring is we had leagues full of Derek Jeters.

Like Greeny said, it's only June. Rex can say whatever he wants, especially if he backs it up on the field this coming season.

Wednesday, June 10

Kobe Bryant's new playoff persona - I thought all the fake athletes played baseball. I guess I was wrong.

Even former teammate Robert Horry blew off the new, "Evil" Kobe. He would know better than anyone else, right?

I'm not sure if Kobe realizes this, but it doesn't matter if he pushes his bottom jaw far enough forward to swallow his whole face - his teammates still know L.A. is in control of the series. It doesn't matter what he does on the court or what he says in the press conferences, the team knows what's up. He should stop insulting my intelligence by pretending his isn't happy to be winning the series. Oh, and by the way, when he's on the court making all those faces, he looks like Chunk from the Goonies - just stop.

Stop trying to be Michael Jordan all the time. It's bad enough he's been talking like Jordan since he was drafted, but now he's trying to show everyone that he's just as mentally tough. It just goes to show how aware athletes are of their legacies. Kobe is one of the best players I'll ever see in my lifetime in any sport - but it's still not good enough for him.

If Kobe is this unhappy with a series lead, how unhappy will he be if they actually win it?

Roger Federer shows restraint at the French Open - Haven't we gotten past this whole run onto the field thing?

Let me just say, first of all, Golic is right. If I'm the best tennis player in the history of the game and some weirdo waving a flag comes running at me trying to put something on my head, I'm putting my racket across his face.

Running onto the field during a sporting event is the equivalent of snickering when someone says the word "butt." When we were 12, that may have been great, but now it's just lame. The only reason people cheer when it happens is because they want to see the moron get beat down worse than the Detroit Lions.

As far as I'm concerned, you get what you deserve when you run between the lines. If security just catches you and ejects you, that's fine. If you get your teeth knocked out by a linebacker running at full speed, even better.

I was amazed that Federer didn't do anything to the guy. I have to admit, he's a stronger man than I am. Good thing security didn't take their sweet time bringing this guy down, too. Oh wait, that's right, they let him just waltz onto the court and rub elbows with the biggest player in the sport. I can't get into a Bridgeport Bluefish game without removing everything from my belt to my britches, but this fool can get on the court during the French Open? Something is wrong with that picture.

Thursday, June 4

Sammy Sosa says he deserves to be voted into the Hall of Fame - I never thought I'd be saying this, but Sammy Sosa is right. Other than his physical appearance, we have nothing else even close to evidence linking Sosa to steroids. Even Jose Canseco has said he has no hard evidence against Sammy.

If you're one of those high and mighty voters who is paralyzed by steroid suspicion, I'll never be able to convince you to take the stick out, let alone cast your vote for Sammy Sosa. If you're going to look at players from this era on a case by case basis, there's no argument against Sosa. His 609 homers puts him at No. 6 all-time and his over 1600 RBI puts him at No. 24 above Ernie Banks, George Brett, Mike Schmidt, Mickey Mantle and Joe DiMaggio. He won an MVP award and is the only player to hit more than 60 homers in three different seasons.

What's laughable is Greeny's idea that Sosa didn't look as bad as Mark McGwire at the congressional hearings in 2005. Big Mac may not have wanted to talk about the past, but at least he didn't pretend like he didn't know what was being said. It certainly seemed like Sammy had a good grasp on English when he was holding daily press conferences and we were all kissing his bat during the home run chase in 1998.

Lastly, if you think Sammy Sosa was the only player using a corked bat, you're out of your mind. Between spit, scuffs, and sandpaper, pitchers have been doing essentially the same thing for years - and some of them are in Cooperstown. I have no problem with either one, because the umpires can check for that during the game. The opposing manager can make the request and the player can be busted right on the field. Isn't that why we have officials in the first place, to enforce the rules? Also, consider this: If Sammy was doing steroids at that time, would he really need the corked bat?

Does Kobe Bryant need to win another title without Shaq to validate his career? - When was the last time a guy with three rings had to prove anything to anyone?

Bill Walsh never won without Montana, Jordan never won without Pippen and John Elway never won without Terrell Davis. Who questions their legacies? If Kobe does win the Finals and goes into the Hall of Fame, the first words about his career won't be, "Won four NBA titles, including one without Shaquille O'Neal." So who cares?

The reason this topic has come up at all is because we love to pull apart greatness. The essence of sports talk is the comparison of players and teams. We're desperate to try to rank everyone and everything, and by doing so, we have to split hairs.

Steve Young said it about playing quarterback, but now I think it applies to all great players: it's all about what you can't do. The greatest of the great players have been driven by that thought for years, but now the sports media has made that thought more public than ever before. If you're a scrambling quarterback, you don't throw for enough yards, if you're a base stealer, you don't hit enough home runs, and if you win titles with a good center, you didn't do it on your own.

Take a look at what we're saying here. Kobe Bryant's career would be somehow lacking because he didn't win a fourth championship without another superstar on his team. But somehow, if Dan Marino had won a single Super Bowl he would be the greatest quarterback of all time.

Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Tuesday, June 2

If the fans don't care about steroids, should the writers reflect that when voting for the Baseball Hall of Fame? - Golic only brought this up to be the devil's advocate, but I'm still going to crush it. This is the kind of thought that's just stupid enough to catch on.

Under no circumstances should the Hall of Fame voters for any sport vote according to what the "fans" want to see. People can make some pretty dumb decisions as a group. Need proof? As a country, we've bought more than 4 million Snuggies. At about $15 a pop, that's $60 million spent on a blanket with sleeves!

The only fans that don't care about steroids are the ever-present "casual baseball fans." These are the same people that watch 12 pitches a year and then complain that the game is too long. I'm tired of letting the casual fans run all of sports. It's bad enough they get to dictate TV times, rules and the All-Star Game. Now they're deciding who gets into the Hall of Fame, too? I don't think so.

I can at least understand that leagues needs to accommodate the casual fans to make the most money. That makes good business sense. But the Hall of Fame? The Hall isn't for the casual fans, it's for the die-hards. The Hall is for the people who have spent more hours watching baseball than Golic has eating doughnuts. The Hall is for people who know that Willie Mays was on deck when Bobby Thomson hit the "shot heard 'round the world."

I know I've ripped Hall of Fame voters in the past and I stand by that. What I'm saying here is that the only thing that could be worse than the system we currently have would be for the writers to let the fans dictate their votes. The guy with the beer helmet on his head just doesn't inspire much confidence, sorry.

LeBron James walks off the floor after getting eliminated without congratulating the Orlando Magic - For those who didn't see it, here's what happened: The game ended. LeBron walked off the court. Oh, the controversy.

Greeny and Golic were willing to go easy on LeBron and that's more than I can say for anybody else. Enough with all this sportsmanship talk. We're not in gym class anymore. Grow up, people. We're talking about professional sports here. As long as you play by the rules, that's all that's required. Baseball has more unwritten rules than any sport in the history of athletics, and they stop shaking hands after Little League.

The postgame handshake has got to be the single most insignificant act in all of sports. You've got coaches and players who have spent countless hours thinking about how to completely destroy each other, and you want them to shake hands just seconds after the outcome of a game? If you were counting on a big promotion and then suddenly didn't get it, would you want to go and shake the hand of the guy who just got the corner office? How about immediately after your boss tells you the news? I'll guarantee you someone somewhere once walked off the court without shaking LeBron's hand. Do we care about that at all?

There are just certain people in sports that people get in line to criticize. Stars like LeBron and Patriots coach Bill Belichick get ripped for more things than the average Joe because people are just mad they aren't on the teams they root for. If LeBron was on your team you wouldn't care whose hand he shook after the game. If Belichick coached your team you'd consider him a football genius. Since they're not on your team, LeBron is a crybaby and Belichick is a cheater.

LeBron didn't shake hands, and what's even better, he didn't apologize for it. Good for him. If a player wants to be extra gracious and congratulate the victors, that's all well and good, but stop acting like it's expected. If LeBron had talked to the media after the game, the handshake fiasco wouldn't even be mentioned.

Time to get some perspective, folks.

Rob "Stats" Guerrera received his nickname based on his first job as an intern bringing statistics to on-air hosts at ESPN Radio in 2004. When someone asked who he was, another ESPN Radio employee responded, "I don't know ... Stats."