The pecking order of sports
By Jason SmithLet me begin by saying this: I love the NHL. I've been a hockey fan since I was seven years old -- when Mike Bossy was the boss of the nets, Marcel Dionne was just this guy in Los Angeles who would always have his name in the box score and Wayne Gretzky was an 18-year old trying to make it in the big city (kind of like when Lisa Bonet moved out of the Huxtable residence and into "A Different World"). And now we're getting ready for a rematch of last year's Stanley Cup finals which was the best the league can hope for this year. The league is once again getting some buzz. But much like Marisa Tomei, I have to give a very big "My Cousin Vinny" "howevah."
When I was a kid I used to watch the "Laff-A-Lympics" cartoons every day on TV, kind of a spoof of "Battle of the Network Stars." There were three teams -- the Scooby Doobies, the Yogi Yahooies and the Really Rottens. They'd compete in crazy Olympic-style events. I remember one episode featured a rocket ship race to the moon. (I'd like to have seen Jamie Farr and Dick Van Patten participate in that!) The Rottens, of course, were the bad guys. (I was a Scooby guy, and I remember being visibly upset when they wouldn't win.) As far as the Rottens went, they would compete, do fairly well, and then make a horrible decision that would make them come in last place. The NHL is the Really Rottens of sports. Every time they do something good, they wind up getting embarrassed and losing out to other sports.
If you were ever constantly being told how you don't measure up (which I have a little experience with), or how there are more valuable employees where you work (which I had a lot of experience with), then you know what it's like to be the National Hockey League. Just last week the pro sports food chain reminded us of who was King of the Laff-A-Lympics Sports Jungle -- as the NHL, the NBA, the WWE and Yanni all intertwined and battled with each other like in an Altman movie. (Yes, that Yanni. Like there's another one?)
First of all, I give the nod to the Cleveland Cavaliers for noticing a potential conflict when they see one. Quicken Loans Arena, the Cavaliers' home, was scheduled to host a Yanni concert on June 3rd. All well and good -- however the NBA Finals begin the next day, and there's still a chance the Cavaliers could be playing in them. So the powers that be moved the Yanni concert to another arena, rather than risk having a fast turnaround and not having the arena ready for Game 1. Using math fractions and symbols I remember from 3rd grade:
NBA > Yanni
The NBA also stood as firm as it could against Vince McMahon and the WWE. (Boy, we had to dig for information on this one. Vince McMahon didn't do any publicity for this story!) When it was announced that Game 4 of the Lakers-Nuggets series would be played Memorial Day at the Pepsi Center, McMahon blew a gasket, since the WWE had booked the Pepsi Center for Monday night back in August of 2008. After a back and forth in which McMahon alternately wanted Stan Kroenke arrested for being a bad businessman to challenging him to a steel cage match, he squeezed every drop out of the cow's udder that was the Debacle in Denver. Eventually, McMahon moved his event to Staples Center in Los Angeles and Kroenke was allowed out in public again. So, let's go back to the math:
NBA > WWE > Yanni
WWE gets the nod over Yanni because even though they changed venues, they got much more publicity as a result. But don't fret for Yanni. He can "Dare to Dream" he's not at the bottom.
In the previous round of the NHL playoffs, both the Penguins and Capitals organizations were upset at having to play back-to-back games. Seems as if Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh was booked on May 12th for a concert by Yanni. Goodness, the guy is everywhere. Is he the only one on tour right now? Apparently, Yanni was the immovable force and the NHL the completely movable object. Either lacking the guts, foresight or the muscle to move Yanni's concert so the teams could have normal rest, they decided to play two games in two days and let Yanni keep his tour schedule intact. Playing two games in two days never happens in the playoffs -- it's way too much to ask a team to do. Yet the NHL chose that alternative over telling Linda Evans' former boyfriend he had to kowtow. (You read that right, Yanni and Linda Evans. Look it up.) So, our final math looks like this:
NBA > WWE > Yanni > NHL
Boy, the NHL just keeps getting the fuzzy end of the sports landscape lollipop. They couldn't reschedule a Yanni concert? It's not like the Beatles were re-forming (or even Oasis or the Eagles) and it was a lock down date they couldn't move! I don't even think the guy sings. Hopefully, Sid the Kid and Hockeytown: The Sequel can move them back up that equation However if a John Tesh concert interrupts Game 7, then the NHL will just continue to enjoy the company of Muttley and Dick Dastardly in the Penelope Pitstop of life at the bottom of the sports totem pole.
Jason Smith is the host of "AllNight with Jason Smith" (weekdays 1 to 5 a.m. ET/10 p.m. to 2 a.m. PT). Get in touch with him at allnight@espnradio.com.
