Cute pooches and crazy humans
In case you were too busy getting your Independence Day on, here's the best of the email and Gchat fodder you missed from the sports world and beyond.
Peaceful as he wants to be
Dennis Rodman: NBA Hall of Famer, cross-dresser extraordinaire, best-selling author, hair-dye aficionado, Madonna's ex, former Lingerie Football League commissioner, "Celebrity Rehab" alum, B-level wrestler, "Simon Sez" actor, partier for hire, PETA spokesman, Finnish wife-carrying contestant and … potential Nobel Peace Prize winner!?
Somehow, despite the varied aforementioned résumé, that last one is still startling.
In an interview with Sports Illustrated released this week, Rodman oh-so-eloquently shares exactly why his travels to North Korea should warrant his consideration for the coveted honor.
"My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it's been left to me to smooth things over, I don't know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job. It's the black guy's [President Barack Obama] job. But I'll tell you this: If I don't finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something's seriously wrong."
I'm sure The Worm's thoughts on the award will be a breath of fresh air for the panel in between researching distinguished human-rights activists and doctors working for health care in impoverished areas around the word. I'm sure they're just going to love the story of his boozy dinner with a brutal dictator.
Rodman is reportedly scheduled to return to North Korea in August to "chill, play some basketball and maybe go on vacation with Kim and his family." I'm sure that will help his chances of scoring the prize.
Since you asked so nicely …
Chris Davis has shocked the baseball world with his incredible offensive prowess this season. But after years of average play, this unprecedented success has prompted many to wonder about steroids because, duh. Perhaps you've heard that baseball has this slight little problem with performance-enhancing drugs.
Davis had never addressed the presumably baseless allegations, until a fan asked him on Twitter on Sunday. His answer was short and to the point.
So that answers that question, right? I'm sure that will totally stop skeptics from ever wondering about this again. Somewhere out there, Barry Bonds is wishing he had been able to use social media to dismiss those pesky steroid rumors.
Awaiting reaction from Georgetown's Jack the Bulldog
Butler University officially joined the revamped Big East on Monday. So naturally that means all aspects of its athletic department need to step up their game. Starting of course with the mascot, Trip the Bulldog. ADORABLE ALERT!
Hogan knows best
Like many women dream of, Brooke Hogan got engaged over the weekend in front of the Eiffel Tower. Oh sorry, did I say Eiffel Tower? I meant a fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas. Romance!
Hogan, the 25-year-old best known for her reality shows about being Hulk Hogan's daughter and … well, being Hulk Hogan's daughter, said "yes" to Cowboys center Phil Costa and promptly posted pictures of the moment on Instagram. Because what better way to celebrate than sharing the occasion with thousands of strangers who worship your father? Amirite?
Can't wait for the inevitable reality miniseries featuring Brooke, Phil and Hulk as they go over table settings, guest lists and menu options. WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, GET THE VANILLA CAKE OR THE RED VELVET CAKE?
Hope Homer Bailey gets a thank-you card
The Reds' Homer Bailey notched his second career no-hitter Tuesday, yet somehow he still wasn't the night's biggest winner. According to a tweet from an employee at the online betting firm William Hill, one incredibly lucky -- or, on any other night, incredibly foolish -- gambler made $16,000 off the feat. The anonymous customer bet $400 with 40-1 odds that a no-hitter would occur on Tuesday in the majors.
While our $16,000 man (or woman) undoubtedly had a better Fourth of July barbecue spread than you and I did, I have to wonder how many times he's unsuccessfully made this bet. Considering Bailey's no-no was the first of the season, a $16,000 gain might not have even put him back in the black. Apologies for that Debbie Downer moment. I will now step off my soapbox and allow you to resume your degenerate ways, judgment free.
And now for your weekly 'Oh, Lolo' moment
Lolo Jones angered people on Twitter because the day of the week ended in "y." This week, the world's most famous hurdler/bobsledder provided her ill-advised commentary on the televised George Zimmerman trial. Referring to the testimony of Trayvon Martin's friend Rachel Jeantel, the last person to speak to him before his death, Jones tweeted the following:
"Rachel Jeantel looked so irritated during the cross-examination that I burned it on DVD and I'm going to sell it as Madea goes to court."
Like most people on Twitter, I am now SMDH. Jones has since deleted the tweet. Probably because it was disrespectful, inappropriate, in extremely poor taste … I'll stop there because I'm guessing you have things to do today.
Her followers' responses were exactly as you would expect them to be. Things like, "Lolo Jones' attempts to be funny are as successful as her attempts to win a medal," "Rachel Jeantel and Lolo Jones have the same number of Olympic medals" and "Please, please stop tweeting."
I'm thinking of just adding a dedicated segment to this column titled "Who did Lolo Jones make mad this week?" There's certainly more than enough content.
If O.J. Simpson can't help Paula Deen's case, nothing can
The cover of the current issue of the National Enquirer features the following headline: "From his Nevada prison cell … O.J. Simpson contacts The ENQUIRER & demands: LEAVE PAULA ALONE!" Just felt like that needed to be shared so we could all feel ashamed together. Feel free to carry on with your day and forget this ever happened.
It's a dog's world; Miley is just living in it
If you still find yourself baffled by the new and, um, new Miley Cyrus and her "We Can't Stop" video, please allow these cute puppies to break it down for you with their recreation. They can bark. And they will bark. They are puppies; they can do what they want. Please just watch it so I can stop quoting lyrics.