TWSS: Home runs for Halloween
When it comes to Halloween, Paralympian Josh Sundquist has perfected playing the cards he's been dealt. The ski racer, who lost his left leg to cancer at a young age, tweeted out this shot Tuesday afternoon:
Crushed it. Guy must be taking home Best Costume cash every year.
We can't all be Sundquist (I certainly couldn't pull off that flamingo pose all night -- or long enough to snap a photo, for that matter), but we can at least try to do a little better than that costume-in-a-plastic-bag crap. (Especially if said costume is described as "sexy." Nobody, and I mean nobody, should be wearing a "Sexy Slice of Pizza" get-up.)
Put a little thought into it, people. You're not winning any awards rocking the same old pirate costume for a third straight year or acting too cool for school with that "This is my costume" T-shirt.
And no matter how brilliant you think your pop culture-inspired costume is, trust me, someone else already thought of it. So if you're OK with running into a handful of other people dressed just like you, then by all means, dress like Walter White from "Breaking Bad," a "Game of Thrones" character, the dudes from "Duck Dynasty," the guys from Daft Punk or Miley Cyrus (with or without bespoke Beetlejuice Robin Thicke).
But if you wanna really stand out, why not try one of these sports-inspired costumes that don't suck.
"Disrespectful" Dodgers Player -- When the Dodgers clinched the NL West with a win at Chase Field, they celebrated with a dip in the Diamondbacks' pool. It was everything great, fun and right with sports, but old fuddy-duddies and reporters with nothing else to write about took offense. Relive the moment (and give those fuddy-duddies a sly middle finger) with a Dodgers jersey, goggles and a kiddie pool. Simply carve a hole in the bottom of the pool and wear it around your waist like an inner tube. If you're feeling extra jubilant, grab a bottle of bubbly from the bar and douse strangers as you walk by.
Chiefs' Win Streak -- The Kansas City Chiefs are the last remaining unbeaten team in the NFL. Celebrate their 7-0 streak with a little streaking of your own: Throw on a Chiefs hat and rock a nude bodysuit (or, if you've got serious cojones, just your birthday suit). Note: If you're more of an Andy Reid than an Alex Smith, you'll truly make a BIG, bold statement with this one.
Mike Tyson -- The boxing shorts and gloves look has been done, but I've yet to see anyone dress as the new, zen Mike Tyson. All you need is a face tattoo, a couple pigeons and a Playbill from his one-man show, "Undisputed Truth." Nail the voice and you're in business.
Red Sox Player/Homeless Guy -- This look is both topical and extremely easy to pull off; all you need is a Boston jersey, one of those hippie-dippie rope necklaces and an unkempt beard. Bonus points if it looks as though small woodland critters might be living in your face without your knowledge. (Party-thrower is a Cardinals fan? No problem -- just say you're dressed as a hobo.)
The Ghost of Julius Peppers -- Sometimes when an NFL player gets older, he doesn't seem to be all there anymore. Take a guy like Bears defensive end Julius Peppers, who used to dominate on Sundays, but now looks like a shell of himself -- a ghost, if you will. Pay homage to his precipitous drop by wearing a No. 90 jersey, cleats, pants, a helmet and ghostly makeup. This costume works for many other players, too, including Albert Pujols, Deron Williams and almost all of the New York Giants.
Diana Nyad and an Angry Jellyfish -- The 64-year-old distance swimmer inspired and awed the nation when she swam from Cuba to Florida without the protection of a shark cage. Previous attempts had been thwarted by jellyfish stings, but in September she managed to defeat the jellies -- and Father Time -- with her incredible feat. All you need to play Nyad is goggles, a swim cap, a one-piece swimsuit, Vaseline for your face and the heart of a champion. Your significant other just needs a jellyfish costume and a frustrated expression.
Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un -- When the hard-partying former NBA star headed out to North Korea to coach a basketball friendly, he formed an unlikely bond with the North Korean dictator. The rest is diplomatic basketball history. A Rodman costume is easy: Tattoos, eyeliner, a ladies' scarf, tight pants and a lot of facial piercings. A (totally on-trend) military jacket and an awful haircut are all you need to play Kim.
A-Rod and His Lawyer -- The Yankees star, suspended 211 games for the use of performance-enhancing drugs, is embroiled in a nasty lawsuit with MLB. Sounds like his lawyer may be suffering from a little 'roid rage, too -- he nearly got into a fistfight with an opposing attorney at A-Rod's September appeal. If you and a buddy are both pompous, self-important, delusional rich guys, then this one's for you. Note: Whichever one of you looks most like a mythical centaur gets to be A-Rod, other guy plays the lawyer.
Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko -- The diminutive actress and the world heavyweight champion are proof that opposites attract. Their 13-year age difference is almost as noteworthy as their 16-inch height difference. Couples can rock this look together or a guy going solo can simply slap a "Hayden" nametag on a Skipper doll and stash it in the front pocket of his silk, hooded warm-up robe.
Jay-Z and Skylar Diggins -- The rapper and business mogul shocked the sports world this year by teaming up with CAA to form Roc Nation Sports, a new sports management firm. Among his high-profile clients? Former Notre Dame star and current Tulsa Shock point guard Skylar Diggins. All you need to play Jay-Z is enough bling to buy a small country; Diggins rocks Nike gear and her signature headband.
P.S. No, I didn't forget to include an Aaron Hernandez costume. Someone died (whether by his hand or someone else's) and that's a tragedy, not costume fodder. Don't be that guy.