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If you're anything like me -- and I hope to god you're not, for your sake -- you spend a lot of free time reading these tail end-of-the-season fantasy columns, if not for fantasy advice, then for pure entertainment value. My team in the GMC Professional Grade League, for instance, famously flamed out after I put my money where my mouth was and threw some … nah, who am I kidding? I had a bad team. I'm not going to blame it on Hail Mary. My mistress. My love. But still, I read the columns to both steal material from other unsuspecting writers, and to have the occasional good chuckle. This time of year, though, tends to turn your average fantasy writer into a pun machine, painting clever turns of phrase that usually include:

1. An '80s movie reference
   
2. A Santa Claus joke
   
3. Eli Manning

So, as a bit of an oasis for you readers, I have decided to make "Hail Mary" a Christmas-free zone this week. And pause for irony.

This is not because I'm lacking in Christmas spirit (I'm wearing snowman boxers as I write this … under my pants, of course), but because in order to really appreciate the columns with the Santa references, you may need a few without. I will be your huckleberry.

That being said, I give you this week's Hail Mary picks. I'm hoping that if you're playing this far into the season, you have a bench deep enough to withstand a Jeremy Shockey injury, or something of that ilk. But if you're playing in that all-important fifth-place game, or if you have a series of grudge matches to finish off the last couple weeks of the season, these six players could prove to be a beacon of hope for a team in late-season disarray.

Kevin Boss, TE, Giants: Let's start with half of the replacement for this week's biggest injury. Boss was a fifth-round draft pick from Western Oregon, whom the Giants admittedly had to bulk up in order to get him up to "NFL tight end" size. Boss won't be playing the full set of downs every time, in fact, he'll most likely be in the game only when there are plays designed for him to catch balls. The Giants have another tight end, Michael Matthews, whom they prefer as the blocker. In short, they'll be telegraphing the plays with whichever tight end enters the game, much like teams know that the Jets will always run when Brad Smith is under center.

Still, the telegraphing of Boss will not offset the fact that he has great hands; almost all scouting reports (including the always-reliable New York Post) may question his size -- although he did put on 17 pounds since the 2007 draft to get up to 253 pounds -- yet throw nothing but praise his way concerning his hands. With Sinorice Moss banged up, and the Giants having a myriad of plays designed to throw to the tight end, Boss will see some balls thrown his way, and should be a decent tight end play for Week 16.

David Tyree, WR, Giants: On that same note, with Moss' back acting up, and Shockey's large frame being absent, Tyree makes an interesting -- although risky -- play. The special-teams Pro Bowler has been absent from the box scores for most of the season with an injury, but popped up in Week 13 with two catches for 32 yards. It looks insignificant on paper, but these were two big fourth-quarter catches to bring the Giants back against the Bears. Eli Manning, for reasons unknown to mankind, seems to like Tyree from time to time, but only from time to time. Still, if this is one of those "times" -- with Shockey and Moss out and Toomer dropping sure-thing touchdown passes --Tyree's size and athleticism make him an easy target on pass plays, and he could be a breakout pick for Week 16.

Troy Smith, QB, Ravens: So we're all familiar with how Heisman winners bomb in the NFL (Gino Toretta, Eric Crouch, Jason White, Chris Weinke), but Smith could be an exception to the rule. At least for this week.

Baltimore is historically inept offensively. But that ineptitude is usually paired with a stifling defense. This is not the case in 2007. Baltimore's defense has taken a step back, while its offense has a few chin-stroking prospects. Willis McGahee has the ability to gain 100-plus yards per game. Devard Darling is developing into a surprisingly effective receiver. And Troy Smith sparked a late-game rally against the Dolphins that was overshadowed and mostly forgotten thanks to Greg Camarillo's scamper into the end zone (and out of the history books).

What's the knock on Smith? Well, he's young, and people complain that he's short. But so was Tom Cruise in 1986, and he seemed to do just fine in "Top Gun." In 20 years, when Smith is practicing a religion based on the pilot of "Star Trek," and stealing hot girls from our age bracket, then we can complain. But for now, the proof is in the pudding, and Smith seemed calm and professional in his handling of the offense against the Dolphins in Week 15. There's no reason to give the rookie -- most likely the quarterback of the future for the franchise -- a taste of the NFL for a quarter and then pull him back to the sidelines, especially considering that the Ravens aren't going to be playing more than two games the rest of this season.

Dominic Rhodes, RB, Raiders: Either Rhodes or LaMont Jordan will be starting at tailback for the Raiders this week. The problem is that as of right now, fantasy owners have no idea which one it will be. Not an inkling. This is especially annoying considering that Justin Fargas became an unlikely 1,000-yard rusher in limited time as the centerpiece of the Oakland offense, so anyone plugged into that role may be primed for a big day.

So who's it going to be?

My money is on Rhodes, for the following reasons:

1. LaMont Jordan demanded a trade

… Um, yeah, there is no No. 2.

If you demand to be traded in the middle of the season, it's tough to look like anything other than a surly malcontent. Chances are, your offensive line won't be blocking as hard for you (source: "The Longest Yard") and your coach will just tap the shoulder of the guy next to you, who has just as impressive a résumé ("former backup"). The Raiders sat and waited on Rhodes for a good portion of the season, and he didn't come cheap. So put yourself in the Oakland coaching staff's shoes: Do you play the guy who demanded a trade in the middle of the season? Or do you go with the guy you chased in the offseason and is finally healthy and ready to start at running back?

Kenton Keith, RB, Colts and Darren Sproles, RB, Chargers: These two pretty much fall into the same category, although if pushed, I'd lean more on Sproles than on Keith, based mostly on Sproles' ability to break free for return touchdowns. But the situations are very similar, outside of Sproles being the more dynamic "return TD points" gamble: Both Sproles and Keith stand to garner a large amount of carries in the second half of the games, as their teams have clinched division titles, and it might be wise to rest the starters and not risk injury. It happened last week for Sproles in the San Diego blowout of Detroit, and it could very well happen to Keith this week, as Joseph Addai will most likely take a breather on the sideline for the final 30 minutes.

They aren't the most solid of plays, but Hail Mary candidates never are. With a gaping hole in your running back or flex positions, though, Sproles and Keith could help plug the virtual leaky dam and save the village from massive flooding, which would have been followed by catastrophic outbreaks of cholera, then certain death, a general feeling of malaise and fear among the survivors, a descent into savage ways, the splitting into tribes that are forever at war with one another, reports of cannibalism, idol worship, and the end of the world as we know it.

… The opposite of a Christmas column, indeed!

Jay Feely, our fantasy-playing kicker, was upset by Tatum Bell in the semifinals of the NFLPlayers.com Fantasy League. So he is dead to us.

Lost in the shuffle of the New England dominance this season is the fact that the Patriots' punter is Chris Hanson. For those of you who may be admiring your Christmas trees as you read this, recall the incident back in 2003, when Hanson was a punter for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Coach Jack Del Rio -- as an inspirational ploy -- had put a big tree stump and an ax in the middle of the locker room, using it as a metaphor to "keep choppin' wood." Hanson, who decided -- with a group of other players -- to swing the ax, hit the wood from a funny angle, and caused the ax to eventually find its way into his foot. The Pro Bowl punter needed surgery, and missed the end of the season.

Nando Di Fino is a fantasy baseball and football analyst for ESPN.com.