Berry: Love/Hate for Week 3
Go Jes!
For those of you unfortunate people who are not watching "Rock of Love" along with me, former Poison lead singer Bret Michaels has narrowed it down to two choices: Jes, the hairdresser and bartender and Heather, who works in Vegas in, as she puts it, "the dancing profession."
I wonder if I have seen Heather perform. When I am in Vegas, I am often a patron of the arts.
Heather has grown on me, mostly when she went crazy on the evil Lacey and her creepy dad. But Jes is actually normal. At least, for a reality-show love interest. Props to Heather for having a dad that can drink an entire beer bong, and for her liberal use of the made-up word "tatters." But, Jes is cute, funny and the least crazy of them. And honestly, no matter what the decision, if all you do is choose the least-crazy one, you're ahead of the game.
Speaking of crazy, despite the horrific call I made vouching for the Bengals' defense and the benching of the Browns, last week was slightly better. Thank you, Joey Galloway, Brett Favre, Deion Branch, Chris Chambers among others. For scoring purposes, by the way, if I am within two points, I consider it a push. And based on the parameters, I went 43 of 74 for 58 percent.
Trevor (St Louis): Props for grading yourself after the fact -- it takes guts. Though you are not the only one. Brad Evans also does it, though admittedly not to the same extent. Anyway, sit Reggie Brown this week for either James Jones or Jacoby Jones? Thanks.
TMR: Thanks, Trevor. I'd stick with Brown versus Detroit. Not crazy about either Joneses versus San Diego or Indy, respectively. And yes, I am very familiar with Brad. He used to post on the message boards at my old TalentedMrRoto.com site and I gave him his first job (and introduced him, with a strong recommendation, to his current employer).
I've been writing with the same style, tone and attitude for nine years now and I've seen a lot of imitation over that time span. More than ever before now that I am at ESPN, but folks that have been playing for a long time know who I am, what I do and how I do it. So I consider it the highest form of flattery and move on. The important thing is lots more folks are talking fantasy than when I started. It's much more mainstream and accepted, and that's a great thing.
Onto this week's "Love/Hate." As always, players I love this week are guys I think exceed the statistical benchmarks. Guys I hate, I feel will fall short. That simple. Those benchmarks are 225 yards and two touchdowns for quarterbacks (or 17 fantasy points in ESPN standard scoring); 100 yards and/or 40 yards and a touchdown (or 10 fantasy points) for running backs and wide receivers, 60 yards or a touchdown for tight ends and eight points for kickers and defenses. I used to say no obvious names, but I don't think there is such a thing anymore. If I had told you to start LaDainian Tomlinson last week, you would have said that was obvious. It also would have been wrong.
Matt Stover, K, Ravens: I love him as much as I can love a kicker. Which is not saying a whole bunch.
Tom Brady, Randy Moss, Laurence Maroney, Wes Welker, Patriots: No truth to the rumor that the Bills' defense is so slow, Belichick hired a sketch artist to steal signals.
Jon Kitna, Roy Williams, Shaun McDonald: The only thing better than a passing offense? A passing offense that gets to face a banged-up secondary.
Donovan McNabb, QB, Eagles: Wait, did he say people are "tougher on you when you're a bad quarterback?" Hmmm. Anyways, he gets on the right track here.
Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles: Knee, schmee.
Jason Avant, WR, Eagles: Has scored in two of his past three games.
Ahman Green, RB, Texans: Here's a shocker: This is the only guy I'm listing from the Texans-Colts game. Everyone will be fine, but no one's going off. Two underrated defenses go at it here.
Chris Chambers, WR, Dolphins: Tied for sixth in the NFL for receptions. And with Trent Green as his quarterback. Now that's impressive.
Ronnie Brown, RB, Dolphins: No guts, no glory. I think Miami tries to establish the run on the road, and you can run on the Jets.
Thomas Jones, RB, Jets: Finally has a big week. Hoping same can be said for me.
Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings: Is Tavaris Jackson still in the league?
Tony Gonzalez, TE, Chiefs: This week? I'm gonzo for Gonzo! (Pause). Hmm. How come no writers ever steal that one?
Ben Roethlisberger, Willie Parker, Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes, Steelers: When you are collecting signatures on the don't-believe-in-the-49ers petition, go ahead and add my name.
Steven Jackson, RB, Rams: Oh sure. This season he struggles. Sigh. I still believe.
Marc Bulger and Torry Holt, Rams: My way of saying we don't see that kind of week from Isaac Bruce again.
Carnell Williams, RB, Buccaneers: When I was very, very young, Meadowlark Lemon of the Harlem Globetrotters started a short-lived rival entertainment basketball team called the Buckateers. Because, you know, we need more than one team that does wacky hoops tricks. Anyway, that has nothing to do with anything, but I always think of that when I write the Buccaneers. Nuts, right? That's how my mind works. Be glad you're not me.
Carson Palmer, Rudi Johnson, Chad Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Bengals: They play the Seahawks. The Seahawks are not as bad defensively as the Browns. They're not a whole lot better, either.
Matt Hasselbeck, Shaun Alexander, Deion Branch, Seahawks: 51 points.
Jamal Lewis, Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow, Browns: Why sell high this week when you can do it next week?
Josh McCown, LaMont Jordan and Ronald Curry, Raiders: Forty-five points.
Maurice Jones-Drew, RB, Jaguars: Well, I know the Jags aren't throwing it against Denver.
Travis Henry, RB, Broncos: Now running for 10.
Jake Delhomme, Steve Smith, DeShaun Foster, Panthers: Think after Byron Leftwich sees his defense up close, he changes his mind?
Jason Campbell, Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, Chris Cooley, Redskins: My Redskins are 2-0. I might not get a chance to gloat again.
Bernard Berrian, WR, Bears: Fun to say, and this week, he's fun to play.
Drew Brees and Reggie Bush, Saints: Must-win for Saints, and for the Bush and Brees owners.
Matt Leinart and Edgerrin James, Cardinals: At least Matt's still got his rugged good looks. Too bad Edge doesn't have the gold teeth anymore.
J.P. Losman, Marshawn Lynch, Lee Evans, Bills: They will all be great buy-lows after this week. (I know Lynch was terrific in Week 1, but his value will be lower after this game).
Tatum Bell, RB, Lions: To own Tatum Bell is to hate him.
Matt Schaub, QB, Texans: It's not just Andre Johnson's owners who will miss him.
Larry Johnson, RB, Chiefs: Still think I was crazy for taking Joseph Addai at No. 3?
Philip Rivers, Vincent Jackson, Chargers: Only three teams have fewer yards than the Chargers so far this season. And the Bolts are on the road. At Green Bay. Which has a good defense. How you Chargers fans like Norv Turner now?
Alex Smith, Darrell Jackson, Vernon Davis, 49ers: Steelers have given up 10 points all year.
Jay Cutler, QB, Broncos: Cut Cutler! From your Week 3 lineup that is. And to answer your next question, yes, I am ashamed of myself.
David Garrard and Dennis Northcutt, Jaguars: You know what I like to do? Avoid Champ Bailey and Dre Bly.
Joey Harrington, Warrick Dunn, Jerious Norwood, Joe Horn, Falcons: Guess which team I'm not so high on this week?
Julius Jones and Patrick Crayton, Cowboys: You probably don't have better options than Marion Barber III or Tony Romo here, but temper expectations against the Bears.
Cedric Benson, RB, Bears: See Bell, Tatum.
Deuce McAllister, RB, Saints: That Mike Karney goal-line vulture scared me.
And that's all I got this week. Good luck in Week 3, kids. And remember to tune into the "ESPNEWS Fantasy Insider Show" every Sunday morning at 11 a.m. ET and then, flip over to ESPN.com for "Fantasy Football Now" at noon. It's all the latest inactives, news and analysis leading up to kickoff.
