Starting the U.S. captain selection process
This may be falling into the Beating a Dead Horse Department, but since the Americans like to begin the selection process for the next Ryder Cup team about five minutes after the Europeans have finished the last sip of champagne in what has become a biennial celebration, it is not too early to begin speculation on who should be the next captain of the U.S. team.
One thing is clear, the tactic of choosing a recently washed-up PGA Tour player is not working. Europe has won five of the last seven Ryder Cups and consider this: If Justin Leonard's 45-foot putt does not have the cup jump out in front of it in 1999 and if Bernhard Langer doesn't have the cup slink out of the way of his seven-footer in 1991, Europe has won seven in a row.
As Yogi Berra might say, clearly the status quo cannot remain the same. Something drastic must be done. So, in the true spirit of Jonathan Swift, here is A Modest Proposal for how to make the United States team more competitive in the Ryder Cup.
First off, the selection process must be changed. Currently, points are accumulated over a two-year period, which means a guy playing in the 2004 Ryder Cup -- oh, say a Kenny Perry for example -- could be on the squad because he had a hot six-week stretch 16 months earlier. The Europeans use a one-year point system, meaning their guys are more likely to be playing their best golf when the competition comes around.
How about this: The American side uses a three-month system. That's it. Want to play in the Ryder Cup? Play well right now or no goofy-looking free shirts for you and, more painfully, explain to your better half why she doesn't get to march in the parade of the wives at the opening and closing ceremonies.
Another thing the U.S. team could do is follow the trend of the great American team sports -- baseball, football and basketball -- and propose a Ryder Cup free agent system. When selecting their two captain's picks, both Europe and the United States could get to bid on any player from anywhere in the world. Imagine what the bidding war would have been like this year for Vijay Singh. Of course, since the PGA Tour is the New York Yankees of golf and the PGA of America has George Steinbrenner-like deep pockets, the Americans will always outbid Europe. We get Singh and Ernie Els. Would that even things up? Of course, Vijay could go to Europe for less money just so he could get a chance to beat Tiger. There are some intangibles here.
When it comes to captains, the PGA of America needs to look not just beyond PGA Tour players but also beyond America and even beyond golf. Why not ask Seve Ballesteros to be captain of the U.S. team? He taught an entire generation of Europeans how to beat the Americans and now it seems as if the generation he taught is teaching the next generation how to whup up on the U.S. team. There is no way the Europeans can complain about the PGA of America hiring a foreign player to be captain of the American team. They do it all the time over there in soccer. The coach of the English national team is a Swede.
Now, the PGA of America might have a difficult time hiring a foreigner to be captain of the Ryder Cup team because of that "America" part at the end of its name. Not even PGA public relations spin-meister extraordinaire Julius Mason could put a happy face on that decision. So let's stick with candidates whose applications can arrive on the wings of a 37-cent stamp.
How about New York Yankees manager Joe Torre? He's been successful -- four World Series titles -- and he has vast experience handling players whose talent is exceeded only by their egos and paychecks. And, when the Yankees get knocked out in the American League Championship series this year, Torre will be available.
Bob Knight is only one outburst away at Texas Tech from being available also. Now wouldn't it be worth the price of admission to see him captain the U.S. team in the Ryder Cup? Can you imagine Chris Riley telling the General he's too tired to play in the afternoon alternate-shot competition -- where you only have to hit every other shot, by the way? How about if one of the Americans asks for a free drop and the ruling goes against him? Wouldn't the sight of a chair skidding across the 14th fairway be inspiring? Or how about Coach Knight grabbing Mickelson by the collar and screaming, "Put the ball in the freaking fairway, Phil"?
Maybe what's needed is someone completely from outside the world of sports. Maybe the tough love of Dr. Phil? With him at the helm maybe those tearful self-confessional sessions that seem to show up for the Americans on Saturday night after they are hopelessly behind can occur earlier in the week when there is still a chance to win. "You guys want to put the blame everywhere but on yourself," Dr. Phil would yell. "You like to win, but you don't want to win."
My choice would be to combine all of the above into one person and make comic actor Robin Williams -- he of countless personalities -- the captain of the U.S. team. He could do it in the character of his Scottish golfer and while the Americans would likely only understand about every third word he says that would be enough for them to learn the most important lesson they need to grasp to start winning the Ryder Cup again: Have fun. Laugh. Enjoy. One of the great moments at Oakland Hills was when Sergio Garcia shanked in his singles match against Mickelson, and he turned to his caddie with a goofy grin on his face and giggled sheepishly. Maybe the Europeans have become so good at winning the Ryder Cup because they have become so good at enjoying the competition.
After all, as Williams says, "It's a game that likes to mess with you." At least that's the printable version of what he likes to say.
Ron Sirak is the Executive Editor of Golf World magazine.
