Psychologists call it the Tapioca Syndrome.

Prisoners are fed tapioca pudding every day for lunch for years and years and pretty soon the bland treat becomes more than just dessert. It becomes a comfort, a routine, a stabilizing force in a scary, chaotic world. Then one day the cook decides to try something a little different -- you know, stretch his culinary skills a bit, liven things up a tad -- and sets out a big bowl of chocolate pudding for lunch thinking the prisoners will enjoy trying something unique.

And voila!

Riot.

When the smoke clears they find the cook, motionless in a heap in the back of the kitchen -- drowned by the prisoners in a giant bowl of chocolate pudding.

Folks, today I feel a bit like that cook.

The reason I enjoy doing this column is because it affords me the opportunity to stretch occasionally and try new things, different topics, unique angles, weird styles and tones. Last week I set out some chocolate pudding instead of tapioca.

And voila!

Riot.

Now, before we get to the WHYLO of the Week, I have a few observations on The Column About Nothing, which my wife Kim is calling the Cop Rock of Internet columns.

First, I will admit that sometimes prisoners don't riot because the pudding was different. Sometimes they riot because the pudding was just awful.

However, your nasty, ugly electronic vitriol hasn't changed a thing. I will continue to experiment.

Furthermore, I found it very peculiar that when I responded to the most barbaric postings, 99% of you backed off or completely reversed your positions. Listen, I want your feedback, positive and negative, but to go off on me so harshly and then not stand behind what you wrote is weak and wishy-washy.

Like Tom, for instance, who originally wrote in to say:

"Mr. Fleming, if my time is worth anything, you owe me big. That was the biggest waste of space ever known to sports writing. Save your cute and creative ditties for a junior college writing class."

I emailed Tom back, saying that I was sorry he hated the column so much and suggested he try some other Flem Files, and Tom replied:

"OK, so it wasn't that bad. I am a fan of sports writing that leaves the clichés and routines behind. On second glance, I guess you were going for that effect. I just didn't expect such an artsy approach. Guess you caught me off guard. But please keep stretching. There is nothing worse than a writer content with his work."

Hey, tell that to Shawn, who edged out, oh, 982 other readers to become this week's WHYLO.

Shawn originally wrote:

"I waisted 2 minutes of my life reading your stupid column. I can't believe you get paid for that sh-t."

I emailed Shawn back with the simple suggestion that when writing in to call someone's writing a piece of doo-doo you should first be able to spell words like WASTED correctly.

Our man Shawn replied with this:

"I was not an English major in collage, but I know that the column you wrote was a joke and a waste of time."

So, just for Shawn, this week the award is called:

WHEW HELPED YOU LOG ON?

Here's the best -- er, the worst -- of the rest (keep reading, there are a few positive comments mixed in):

"Hey Flem, happy New Year. You're the worst writer in the history of the world." Bob

"Your column is the equivalent of Hemingway writing, 'Well, it was kind of ... well, you know how Spain looks in the morning.' Maybe your next column could be to ESPN, resigning." John

"That column about nothing was awful. I wish you a speedy recovery." Brian

"You get paid to do that stuff and you decide to completely mail it in. Congratulations. You suck." Kleewyck.

"This piece of feces qualifies you as the king of the WHYLOS. Piece of advice: Turn your paycheck into the charity of your choice." Dan

"I liked it, it was different." Viper

"Don't read this ... was pretty darned funny. Thanks a lot. I need a chuckle to counteract the post-holiday doldrums. To quote the four-year-old son of a friend, the folks who dissed your column are 'just a bunch of big, fat poopy heads.' Heed them not." Charles

"Did someone walk off the street and type this or are you actually a paid writer. Just curious." Scott

"Regarding don't read this: I wish I hadn't." Will

"Funny, I just found myself at the water cooler talking about how much your article sucked." Mike

"Your writing is awful." Jeff

"I think you've gained another reader, number 9!" The Dude

"That column was wack man! Sorry." Joel

"I thought that column was very interesting and thought=provoking. Keep up the great work!" JAJ

"That was truly awful. I guess it could have been worse though: it could have been about soccer." Brendan

"Congrats. You have just written the worst column of all time." John

"I must confess, never have I read a more aptly titled article. Don't read this? I won't make the same mistake again." Tony

"If they paid you for that "Don't Read This" article, please send me the email address of you HR director. I too have nothing to offer an organization like yours." Scott

"NOT ALL REPORTERS CAN BE THEMSELVES. CONTINUE TO BE YOURSELF." Andy

You can count on it, Andy.

David Fleming, a senior writer for The Magazine, shares his off-center perspective each week. E-mail flemfile@aol.com.