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"I figured I'd be like Cal Ripken, after he broke Gehrig's record," Lowell quipped. "Just annihilate it."

And so he did. Until he made the mistake of un-annihilating it. That's the only problem with records like this one -- most career at-bats without something or other. Once you achieve the something or other, you forfeit your record.

"Well," Lowell said, "they say records are made to be broken -- or unbroken."

But apparently, the sadness of unbreaking his record was obliterated by the exhilaration of finally reaching third base.

"I was about to pull the base out," Lowell laughed. "But I asked Derrek Lee, `Would that be wrong?' He said, `That would be pretty stupid.' So I left it in."

There was something fitting, too, about the fact that Lowell finally thumped this triple on a day when the wind-chill factor was in the 20s. You know that old saying about how the best way to stay warm is to keep moving?

"Yeah, I took that to heart," Lowell said.

But as with every great feat, there's a little emptiness that accompanies it -- once the man who climbed the mountain realizes that's one less mountain left to climb. So the question on all our minds now is: What does Mike Lowell have left to accomplish? An inside-the-park homer?

"Nah," Lowell decided. "For that to happen, I'd need both outfielders to collide and get carted off. And when the stretcher comes out, I figured I'd just be rounding third. And it would still be bang-bang."

So Lowell figures he'll just start piling on a bunch more triples, now that he's got the hang of it.

"You know what they say," Lowell philosophized. "You steal one base, you're a base-stealer. The way I look at it, I'm obviously getting faster as the years go by. So I'm running through all the signs now."

Might as well. He has lost his status as a big-time Zero Hero, so there's nothing to hold him back. So we'll just turn our attention to the new all-time record holder -- current A's catcher Ramon Hernandez (1,481 at-bats, zero triples, through Sunday).

"He's what -- about 500 (at-bats) back?" Lowell mused. "Maybe this time next year, I'll fly into Oakland when he gets to 2,000 -- and we can have a little ceremony."

Tiger Tracks of the Month
Their record looks like the kind the hoop team at Arkansas-Pine Bluff ought to have, not the kind a team in the major leagues ought to have.

The Detroit Tigers have been 0-9. They've been 1-17. They've been 2-19. Even now that they're up to three wins, the Tigers will still have fewer at the end of April than Esteban Loaiza. That's hard to do.

But then the Tigers' whole season -- every bit of it -- has been hard to do. Fortunately, it has produced a little gallows humor to help us all enjoy their wild ride. So let's take a look back at some of their unforgettable April highlights.

	Paquette

Six Pack of the Month
Before we get off the subject of the Tigers completely, the Department of Homeland Security has issued the following alert for their Opening Day starter, Mike Maroth.

His Brian Kingman alert level has been upgraded to code yellow.

Yes, Mike Maroth has already made it onto the radar screen of a guy whom you never want to be paying attention to your every trip to the mound.

That man is the legendary Brian Kingman. His self-proclaimed title: Last 20-Game Loser of the 20th Century. And all you need to know about Kingman's warped perspective, 23 years after his 20-loss season for Billy Martin's 1980 A's, is that he likes that title, on the theory that even dubious fame is better than no fame at all.

So with April not even off the calendar, Kingman already has his voodoo dolls loosening up in case he needs them to keep Maroth off his tail.

At this point in 1980, on the way to 20, Brian Kingman had three losses. Mike Maroth already has six. He has another start Wednesday that could make him the first pitcher in history to lose seven games before May 1.

Kingman didn't lose his sixth game until June 2. He didn't lose his seventh until June 23. So he knows a crisis situation is looming.

"I will have a voodoo doll ready for Maroth," Kingman told Wild Pitches. "The problem he has created for me is trying to determine when to break it out."

Tough call. Ten pitchers have lost 19 games in a season since Kingman lost 20. He has had to resort to his last-ditch voodoo-doll defense system only three times -- for Omar Daal in 2000 and for Albie Lopez and Bobby Jones in 2001. None of those three made the giant leap from 19 losses to 20.

So those voodoo dolls remain undefeated. And like Kingman, they're not ready to give up their crown.

"All of the other voodoo dolls were activated in September," Kingman said. "It's only April. Voodoo decorum dictates following a strict protocol -- which, of course, I can't completely reveal -- which, among other things, requires only activating the dolls in times of extreme need. I guess the question would be: Has that time arrived already? Is six losses in April the equivalent of 18 or 19 in September? What if Maroth had 18 or 19 losses and 10 starts left?"

Hmmm. We're sure that voodoo decorum also dictates that you don't want to risk burning your big voodoo horses before the spring flower beds even bloom. It's one thing to ask them to start cranking out wins in September. But right now, asking a voodoo doll to be responsible for keeping any Detroit Tiger out of the loss column is way out of line and a sign of sheer desperation.

So we're betting on Kingman keeping his voodoo forces away from the front -- for now, anyhow. That's because he knows if Maroth is going to succeed in wresting away the crown, he's going about this all wrong.

"If you're going to lose 20," Kingman said, "it is better to lose them later than earlier -- to avoid a complete meltdown, or removal from the rotation. I lost five in September. Nine in a row was my longest streak.

"Hey, wait," he said. "Keep that stuff quiet! I can't be giving away the formula if I am going to retain my title."

Oops. Looks like he just did. Now it's up to Mike Maroth to reap the benefits of that wisdom -- and keep the voodoo dolls from making their Detroit debuts.

Wrong Number of the Month
Carl Everett hasn't just been hot this month. He has been (ahem) dialed in.

	Everett

After almost getting dumped by the Rangers, he has been tested -- and (sorry) answered the call.

He doesn't just play the outfield anymore. He (OK, one more) roams the outfield.

Yes, we'd like to thank the Rangers' ever-visible left fielder, from the bottom of our hearts, for being the man selected by the improper authorities to get plunked by a cell phone in Oakland. It's made for some excellent cell-phone humor opportunities. And they don't come along every day.

Even Everett himself, miraculously, has joined the jokefest.

When he was asked by the Dallas Morning News' Sean Horgan how his day had gone, Everett quipped: "Verizon-ish."

And when manager Buck Showalter was asked for his theory on why someone would throw a cell phone on the field, Showalter joked: "Maybe he was out of minutes."

But Wild Pitches has been investigating the real story behind this bizarre incident. And it turns out, according to Rangers outfield-witticist Doug Glanville, that this was just part of his team's top-secret communications system. "People don't realize that now, every outfielder has a cell phone," Glanville told Wild Pitches. "So whenever the coaches need to move a player, they call him."

But as any of us who attempt to use cell phones know problems often arise. And Glanville told us exclusively that that's just what happened here.

"What happened in Carl's case is that he let his battery run out," Glanville reported, "and the bullpen was trying to help him out by throwing him an extra phone. I don't think they meant to hit him in the head, but maybe they were trying to remind him to charge his phone before every game."

Oh, sure it may have looked suspicious when Everett angrily tossed the phone over the fence. But Glanville said that was easily explainable.

"He only threw the phone back," Glanville said, "because his contract specifically states that he only use phones equipped with a camera."

So in retrospect, was way too much made of this incident? You ... (warning, one final pun alert) ... make the call.

Jayson Stark is a senior writer at ESPN.com.