All-Quasar: The best not-quite-stars
It is with equal parts wonder and satisfaction that the eighth annual All-Quasar squads are presented.
Harry How/Getty ImagesWhen quasars collide: Matt Bonner and Trevor Ariza have qualities bordering on stellar.
(For those who've never had the urge to name a pet Copernicus, quasars are scientific shorthand for quasi-stellar celestial matter that sometimes resembles a star but is, in fact, not.)
(For those who traditionally take the time between the Super Bowl and the NBA All-Star Game to do their taxes, the All-Quasar teams are a way to recognize players who have made an indispensable contribution to their team's success but will not be in Phoenix this coming weekend.)
The eighth rendition of the awards has particular significance for a variety of reasons. Now that Pluto has been sent to the D-League, there are eight planets in our solar system, so there's that. And of course you're aware that there are eight kinds of B vitamin, the nutritional equivalent of a quasar.
More than anything, though, it's baffling to think ESPN.com has welcomed this treatise for eight years running without, to my knowledge, making a dime off it.
The qualifications -- for those looking to take legal action over their favorite player's being ignored -- are as follows.
1. A candidate's team must have a winning record at the start of All-Star week. (Hence, David Lee and Ronny Turiaf, past selectees, don't qualify.)
2. A candidate can't have been an All-Star or have much chance of ever being one. (The committee has misjudged this only once so far, selecting Caron Butler as an '06 All-Quasar. Eight years, one underestimation -- you try it.)
3. Special consideration is given to players who have washed out elsewhere or have rehabilitated a career spinning sideways. (Quasars being, of course, intergalactic first cousins to black holes.)
4. Statistical improvement is weighed only in context with its meaning to a player's role. Someone who shoots a high percentage but has never made a momentum-shifting shot or who rebounds well but never takes the ball away from an opponent is merely cosmic dust, not All-Quasar material.
Miss Hubble-licious, the envelope, please:
First Galaxy





Second Galaxy





Ric Bucher covers the NBA for ESPN The Magazine.



