Guess who's back …

Originally Published: September 16, 2005

Maisel E-Mails

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By Ivan Maisel
ESPN.com
Archive

Hey, I was busy.

That's my explanation. The e-mail column took a back seat to preparing for the college football preview month, aka August. It took a back seat to summer vacation, driving my daughter back from camp, covering the U.S. Open and the PGA, buying a used Prius (feeling pretty cocky, now that gas is $3.19 a gallon), sneaking in some summer golf (still terrible), and the annual media guide toss, which was held last night.

It's a ritual in the Maisel household. My office is in the attic of our home. I used to keep five years' worth of media guides in my house, but the ease of the Internet and the unease of my clutter-hating wife made me decide to keep only the current ones. At the end of every summer, my kids open the windows of the attic and try to fling last year's guides down three stories into the open trunk of my car on their way to the dump.

The media guides are on the way to the dump. Not my kids.

My son takes the teams he likes the least and tries to skid them under the car. He's pretty good at it. The secret, I learned after year one, is to not park the car directly under the window. That way, errant throws have a tougher time slamming into the body of the car.

So we've performed our summer rituals. Now that the season is here, the e-mails return, too. Here we go:

You aren't alone. My friend Matt Newman, Michigan grad and Portland, Maine, resident, flew into Cincinnati on Friday night. We drove to Columbus for the Herbstreit Classic (Colerain vs. Tyler Lee), then drove up to Toledo and crashed about 2 a.m. Got up at 7:30, hit Ann Arbor, stayed for the entire game (I am a Notre Dame grad). Went a back way around I-94, hit 23 South, parked about three miles from the Shoe at 7:40, ran to the stadium, bought tickets for $220 apiece, and we were in the stands as the opening kickoff was kicked. Drove back down to Cincinnati after the game.

One of the greatest days ever. The differences you speak of are completely true. Ann Arbor was a symphony, Columbus a rock concert. When we got home we watched the game on TiVo, and both felt the TV did a poor job of conveying how intense the crowd was.

And we did all this without a Town Car, but jammed in a Honda Civic.

Sean Mangan
Cincinnati, Ohio

For the record, I didn't ask for a Town Car. I asked for John Daly's motor home and negotiated down to a Town Car. It's all in how you ask for things.

I read your article "Living the dream …" with great interest as my buddies and I attended both games as well. It was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me. I'm a UT alumnus, so you can only imagine how amazing it was to watch my team win in such a hostile environment. I have never heard a stadium that loud, and I have never been a prouder Longhorn than I am today.

For the record, I have never seen fans more disgustingly abusive than the OSU fans. Earlier in the day, I was pleased to see the Michigan fans cordially welcome the Irish to Ann Arbor. I was shocked by the number of insults and epithets hurled my way by every kind of Buckeye fan simply because I was supporting my team. No doubt that environment made the win that much sweeter. I hope that Texas fans will show class and sportsmanship next year when OSU travels to Austin for the rematch.

Thanks for your article.

Stuart Lodge
Addison, Texas

I got several e-mails regarding the Buckeye fans' behavior in Columbus, including a hilarious eyewitness report by UT fan Robert Semple, who just wrote too long for me to reprint his hour-by-hour account. Buckeyes fans, you have to realize, are the people who regularly need pepper spray to know it's time to go home. They come by it naturally. Their ancestors were the people who didn't think Woody Hayes was good enough to coach the Buckeyes.

I'm sorry that the only feedback I ever give isn't good, but I won't read your stuff if you are going to write about pornography, albeit briefly, as in your Michigan-Notre Dame/Texas-Ohio State story. I was following you on Town Car ride, but then you mention Paris Hilton in simile and I left your story. Keep up the coverage, but keep it clean.

Francis Fillerup
Salt Lake City, Utah

Vanity Fair as porn? Well, they did put Deep Throat on the cover last spring. It was Woodward and Bernstein's Deep Throat. … You know, I'm not speechless often. But this letter threw me. I don't mean any disrespect to the writer, but if the photo of Ms. Hilton covering each breast with a hand qualifies as porn, who's going to tell him about Victoria's Secret? Reality TV? God forbid, Cinemax?

I just finished reading your two-a-day stint hauling through Big Ten country on a jaunt that only the most devoted college football fans can appreciate -- Michigan/ND and Texas/OSU in the same day. My reluctance to admit that I have never been to the Big House or the Shoe is overshadowed by my conference devotion as a longtime Michigan and Penn State fan. And I can't help but dream about the day my "job" takes me to coverage of two of the most storied games of the 2005 season. I need your job.

Please retire soon and pass the pad and pen over to me. I won't let you or ESPN down. I can even start by mopping the floors in Bristol, CT, if necessary.

Awaiting job interview,

John Sears, PhD
Chicago, IL

John is clearly neither a PhD in English or in psychology. If he were, he would understand that he doesn't need my job. He wants my job. Why is it that every conversation I have lately, I end up sounding as if I'm talking to my children? My daughter needs a cell phone. No, I say, you want a cell phone.

What happened to Geno? My favorite part of for Argument's Sake last year was the actual "argument" between the two of you.

Ryan Purcell

Geno who?

Thanks for the great article on the Michigan fight song "Hail! To the Victors!" I'm 37 years old. I'm reading this article the morning of the Michigan/Notre Dame game and I'm crying. Crying because I live in New Jersey now. I moved here when I was 14 years old from Grosse Pointe, Michigan. Here's the story …

My mom attended the U of M, and my dad, well, he's a graduate of Michigan. You have to understand that my first pajamas was a Michigan football uniform. I saw my first game -- homecoming 1972, when I was just 5 years old. I saw Notre Dame block that field goal to win in 1979. I went at least twice a year until 1981, when we moved to New Jersey. The first song I ever learned all the words to was, "The Victors." Five years old. Could do it cold. My parents had me sing it for their friends.

It all came back to me three years ago. I had a client who got me two tickets to see Michigan play at Penn State. I took my dad -- who else could I possibly have taken? I found two other tickets for two friends and we tailgated with all of our Michigan flags, shirts, and of course, a CD with the Michigan fight song going at full tilt in Happy Valley among Penn State fans. We got to our box, filled with Penn State fans and watched Michigan spank Penn State 20-0. The best thing about that day? Watching my dad's eyes fill with water when he sang, "Hail! To the Victors!" after every score and the win.

That's what that song means to a Michigan man.

Chris DeWorken
Rockaway, NJ

And this:

Ivan,
I have always enjoyed your writing and your observations. Your piece on "The Victors" was a classic.

You cannot underestimate the importance of that song. I think (with lots of bias) that it is the best fight song in college athletics. Although I guess a lot of people agree with me. I was born, grew up, and now, once again, live in Ann Arbor (although my status as an alumnus is limited to university elementary between and inclusive of second to fifth grade). My parents met here at Michigan law during the 50s.

I now live about 1½ miles from Michigan Stadium (six blocks from where I grew up). My 5-year-old son, DJ, a frequent attendee at the Big House and at Yost Ice Arena (an amazing place if you have never been there), knows the tune and all of the words to "The Victors" by heart. He has since he turned 4. During his first week of kindergarten (two weeks ago), he was asked for his favorite song and quickly answered "The Victors" without hesitation.

David E. Burgoyne
Ann Arbor

In a nutshell: those two letters are why college football is so much better than the NFL.

I just finished reading your "Tulane balances life and football in wake of tragedy" story on ESPN.com. I don't know why I'm sending this except to tell you I think it's a story worth telling, and it was done very well. It brought both tears and laughter to me as I read it. Thanks for a warm and touching account of the Tulane football team.

Marilu White
Nashville

The Tulane story generated a lot of response, as well as several letters asking how to help the Green Wave team. In the days since the story ran, the team has found a home for the season at Louisiana Tech. That eased a lot of concerns. Tulane plays Mississippi State on Saturday. Most of the country, I'm betting, will be pulling for Tulane.

Ivan,
College football haiku? I suppose next you'll be delivering your television commentary surrounded by an Alvin Ailey modern dance troop. P.U.

Troy Bickford
Washington, D.C.

Ivan,
Much respect to your haiku-izing, sir, but TMQ Easterbrook's trademark lawyers are holding on line two …

Rob Russell
Austin, Texas

The college football preview done in haiku also generated a lot of e-mail, split fairly evenly between people who liked them and people who couldn't believe I had the chutzpah to imitate former ESPN.com columnist Gregg Easterbrook without crediting him. Mr. Easterbrook, evidently, has been writing football haikus for years. I say evidently because I have never read them, which should serve as conclusive proof that I am not an NFL fan.

Even if I were, I'm kind of busy this time of year, and when I have time to read, the NFL is not my first topic. It would be like a cook at Denny's taking some time off to go work the Fry-O-Lator at McDonald's. I didn't intend to equate Mr. Easterbrook's work with junk food, either.

For the record -- actually, it's just a hunch -- I don't think he has copyrighted the haiku form. I came up with the idea to write the haikus entirely on my own, and much to the horror of editor Joe, who ran them anyway.

Ivan Maisel is a senior writer for ESPN.com. Send your question/comments to Ivan at ivan.maisel@espn3.com. Your e-mail could be answered in a future Maisel E-mails.