Assume the position
The Bottom 10's inspirational thought of the week:
I want you to know, I said I want you to now right now
You've been good to me baby, Better than I've been to myself, hey-hey
And if you ever leave me, I don't want nobody else hey hey
I said I want you to know, I said I want you to know right now
You know you make me want to (SHOUT)
-- "Shout," Otis Day and the Knights
While Otis Day and the Knights led Bluto, Otter, Boon, Pinto, Flounder and the "Animal House" crew in a joyful rendition of "Shout," the teams in the Bottom 10 make us want to shout for a much different reason. From one team remaining winless, to another suffering a program-changing upset, to two teams combining for 10 points, there were plenty of reasons to wail this weekend.
Although tempted to turn to Ashlee Simpson after her Milli Vanilli-like performance on Saturday Night Live to get us through this week's ranking, the Bottom 10 thought that recent events in Gainesville gave us no choice but to turn to the boys from Faber College.
"I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture, be done on somebody's part!" -- Otter "And we're just the guys to do it!" -- Bluto
Central Florida remains the nation's only winless squad following its 43-7 loss to Miami (Ohio). Entering the third week of their reign at No. 1, the Golden Knights' quest to dethrone Army looks solid. Finding a deserving team for the coveted No. 5 spot is often challenging, but Florida's performance in Starkville, Miss., not only secured the Gators a spot in the Bottom 10, but it also proved to be the undoing of coach Ron Zook.
"We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even." -- D-Day
Three teams escaped the Bottom 10 again this week. Give Ohio State a Buckeye for its 30-7 win over Indiana. Mississippi State's shocking upset of Florida gets the Bulldogs off the list this week, but the Bottom 10 will always Remember the Maine. Tulane beat UAB 59-55 to also make it off the list.
"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" -- Bluto
With an amazing five teams in the Bottom 10, it should be no surprise that this week's Pillow Fight returns to MAC country. The battle for the Directional Michigan Cup resumes in Mount Pleasant, Mich., on Saturday when Western Michigan heads to Central Michigan.
ESPN.com users had plenty to say about the Oct. 25 Bottom 10 ranking.
With apologies to Steve Harvey, here's this week's Bottom 10:
|1.||"Thank you sir, may I have another." Seven teams have paddled the Golden Knights and four others are waiting their turn.|
|2.||"As of now, they're on double secret probation." Actually, the Owls have already been expelled from the Big East and have yet to pick up a conference win in their final season.|
|3.||"See if you can guess what I am now." We thought the Bulls' problem had cleared up, but on closer examination its only blemish was against winless Central Florida.|
|4.||"I state your name." If the Broncos lose their Directional Michigan showdown with Central Michigan, their pledge days are over and Broncos can take the Bottom 10 oath.|
|5.||"Hi, Eric Stratton, rush chairman, damn glad to meet ya." Coach Ron Zook's firing means rush season in underway in Gainesville. In case you weren't aware, some guy named Steve Spurrier is a Florida legacy.|
|6.||"Toga! Toga! Toga!" A Bottom 10 party without the Ponies just wouldn't be the same, now would it?|
|7.||"Now we consecrate the bond of obedience. Assume the position." The Cardinals have paid their dues and are certainly a Bottom 10 member in good standing.|
|8.||"You'll have to come back later. I'm doing the dishes." An off week didn't fool the Bottom 10. We knew the Golden Flashes were still hanging around.|
|9.||"I won't go schizo, will I? It's a distinct possibility." The Wildcats are the only SEC team without a conference win.|
|10.||"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." Six plus four equals 10, right? The Hawkeyes' two field goals trumped the Nittany Lions' two safeties. Condolences to the 108,062 in attendance.|
Waiting list: Arizona (1-6), Baylor (2-5), Central Michigan (2-5), Duke (1-5), East Carolina (1-5), Houston (1-6), Idaho (2-6), Illinois (2-6), Indiana (2-5), South Florida (2-4), Tulsa (1-6), UNLV (2-6), Washington (1-6) and back by popular demand Wyoming's uniforms (the road unis reminded the Bottom 10 Guy of a dirty Q-tip).
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