Wasted away again in Margaritaville

Originally Published: November 1, 2004

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The Bottom 10's inspirational thought of the week:

Pale invaders and tanned crusaders
Are worshipping the sun
On the corner of "walk" and "don't walk"
Somewhere on US 1

I'm back to livin' Floridays
Blue skies and ultra-violet rays
Lookin' for better days, lookin' for better days
Lookin' for Floridays

-- Jimmy Buffett's "Floridays"

The Florida Keys were about the only part of Florida that didn't take a beating last week (Key West High shut out Hallandale 31-0 to improve to 6-1 and close in on a playoff berth), so who better to soothe the pains of the Gators, Hurricanes, Seminoles, Golden Knights and Panthers this week than Jimmy Buffett?

Although we were tempted to turn our tribute to Texas A&M for its inability to focus on Baylor -- a little George Strait might have been fun -- the combined efforts of Florida, Miami, FSU, UCF and FIU were impossible to ignore.

And who knew UCF and Buffett had so much in common? Buffett's "License To Chill" CD dominated the No. 1 spot on the Billboard 200 while UCF -- still the nation's only winless I-A team -- continues to dominate the top spot in the Bottom 10, sitting on No. 1 for the fourth straight week.

Several teams earned their own licenses by scoring victories. Baylor (which nearly sent A&M to the coveted No. 5 slot), Kent State, Central Michigan, Indiana and Tulsa all get the week off. We hear Margaritaville is lovely this time of year.

Everyone else is fair game. So while the players who aren't quite at the legal drinking age will sip virgin margaritas (and don't even try to slip a fake ID past the Bottom 10 bouncers), the rest can enjoy a little bit of blended heaven with the rest of the Parrot Heads.

Don't accuse the Bottom 10 of having an East Coast bias. Just as Mr. Buffett enjoys getting away from Florida and spending some time in Montana, the Bottom 10 enjoys heading west to get away from it all too. In fact, this week we're going all the way to Seattle for the Arizona at Washington Pillow Fight.

With apologies to Steve Harvey, here's this week's Bottom 10:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10
 RankTeam2004 Rec.Comment
1.Central Florida0-8"Margaritaville." OK, Golden Knights. Sing it with the Parrot Heads: "There's booze in the blender and soon it will render that frozen concoction that helps me hang on."
2.Western Michigan1-7"Stories We Could Tell." The 2004 Broncos will have plenty to tell about the year they lost to both Eastern and Central Michigan to capture the inaugural Directional Michigan crown.
3.Temple1-7"Wonder Why We Ever Go Home." Not that the Owls pack them in now, but will they even need a home in 2005?
4.Buffalo1-7"I Have Found Me A Home." Little-known fact, but the Bottom 10 commissioned this Buffett chorus with the Bulls in mind: "Yes, I have found me a home, And you can have the rest of everything I own, 'Cause I have found me a home."
5.Florida football0-3"The Weather Is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful." The Gators get some company from their Sunshine State rivals Florida State and Miami this week.
6.SMU1-7"My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink And I Don't Love Jesus." For the Ponies, "It's that kind of mornin', really was that kind of night" after a 42-0 loss to Fresno State.
7.Ball State1-8"If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me" Doubt the Cardinals are on anyone's speed dial these days.
8.Kentucky1-7"Cheeseburger In Paradise." With Jared Lorenzen gone, this Buffett tune doesn't have much to do with this year's Wildcats, but the Bottom 10 digs it nonetheless.
9.Arizona1-7"I Heard I Was In Town." The arrival of Mike Stoops brought excitement to Tucson, but wins have not followed.
10.Washington1-7"Come Monday." The word out of Seattle this Monday is that come next season, the Huskies will have a new coach.

Waiting list: Arkansas State (2-6), Duke (1-7), Idaho (2-7), Illinois (2-7), Penn State (2-6), San Diego State (2-6), San Jose State (2-5), Tulane (2-5), UNLV (2-6), Utah State (2-6), Vanderbilt (2-6), Wyoming dance team uniforms.