Commentary

Lane Meyer's language lessons

Originally Published: September 23, 2009

By David Duffey | ESPN.com

WEEK: Preseason | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bye | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

I'd rather be a fool, I'd be lost with someone new,
I'd be better off dead than to live without you,
I've been searchin' every day, tryin' to find another way,
I'd be better off dead than to live without you

-- "One Way Love (Better Off Dead)," Elizabeth Daily

The Bottom 10 would be better off dead than live without the teams we love. But we are searchin' every day for the right someone new for the highly coveted No. 5 spot.

Since Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin and Florida coach Urban Meyer just can't stop taking verbal swipes at each other, the bickering SEC duo deserve to share the honor this week. Combining their names gives us Lane Meyer, which happens to be the lead character in "Better Off Dead." And at this point, it's starting to be difficult to remember which coach fired the last verbal shot. "Come on, Lane, mellow off. You're really bringing me over, man, " Al Meyer told his son in the film. We couldn't agree more.

Miami (Ohio)'s reign at No. 1 didn't last long. Although the RedHawks lost, they are No. 2 this week. Western Kentucky's loss to FCS Central Arkansas was more than enough to move the Hilltoppers to No. 1. Ball State remained at No. 3, and New Mexico made the move to No. 4.

Colorado beat Wyoming to exit the Bottom 10. Tulane moved to the waiting list after a bye week, which opened the door for a return of one of the Bottom 10's all-time favorite pairings: FAU and FIU are back together and holding down the No. 10 spot.

Pillow Fight of the Week: New Mexico State at New Mexico.

So, with apologies to Steve Harvey and celebrating classic quotes from "Better Off Dead," here's the latest Bottom 10:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10

Rank	Team	Record	Comment
1.	Western Kentucky	0-3	"Buck up, little camper, we'll beat that slope together." The winless Hilltoppers face a bumpy course in 2009, but the Bottom 10 will be along for the ride.
2.	Miami (Ohio)	0-3	"I think it's in my best interest if I went out with someone more popular." The RedHawks finally scored last week, so the Bottom 10 turned its crush to WKU.
3.	Ball State	0-3	"This isn't funny, Charles! If I don't have a dream, I have nothing." The Cardinals can dream, but the Bottom 10 reality is that passing WKU or Miami is unlikely.
4.	New Mexico	0-3	"Man, you're the hottest thing since sunburns!" If the Lobos can't beat New Mexico State at home Saturday, they will be an even hotter Bottom 10 team.
5.	Lane Meyer	0-2	"You would do well to do as mother says, Lane Meyer." If Lane Kiffin and Urban Meyer can't say anything nice, they shouldn't say anything at all. Looks as if they're headed back to the SEC principal's office.
6.	Rice	0-3	"Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn." Sounds like something the Owls have heard. Rice's defense is last in the nation in scoring defense.
7.	Temple	0-2	"I want my two dollars!" The Owls will get that and much more from Penn State after traveling to Happy Valley and losing 31-6 to the Nittany Lions.
8.	Eastern Michigan	0-3	"Friends … you know, friends." For a short time, it looked good for the Eagles in Ann Arbor, but neighboring Michigan didn't end up treating them like a friend.
9.	Virginia	0-3	"Truly a sight to behold. A man beaten. The once-great champ, now a study in moppishness." But with IU and Duke next, there could be hope for the Cavs.
10.	F_U	0-4	"Well, you'll make a fine little helper. What's your name?" There's nothing the Bottom 10 likes more than a reunion of Florida Atlantic and Florida International.