Time to hit the Panic button
The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:
Who knows who is both your best friend and brother
When everyone's deserted you
Who'd shoot first and ask questions later
If anybody's messed with you
Pretty soon we'll all be tumblin' like a barrel
Thrown from the top of the waterfall, well
I'm drowning in piranhas in the river
Man, what a drag, man
-- "All Time Low," Widespread Panic
Every Bottom 10 member might be hearing those Widespread Panic lyrics in their heads this week. From the band's hometown of Athens (can Georgia stop anyone other than Vanderbilt?) to Columbus (is Ohio State's offense really that bad?) to even the music hotbed of Austin (is the Texas offense really that mediocre?), there is indeed widespread panic as we hit the midpoint of the 2009 season.
Ohio State reached an all-time low Saturday, losing at woeful Purdue 26-18, which cost the Buckeyes a chance of getting beaten soundly in yet another BCS National Championship Game.
Oklahoma's season also reached an all-time low. The defending Big 12 champion saw its record fall to 3-3 after losing to rival Texas 16-13 in the Red River Rivalry game in Dallas. Worse, Sooners quarterback Sam Bradford re-injured his right shoulder, which might prematurely end his season.
The Bottom 10 believes Bradford might have avoided such a harsh fate if he'd only spent Friday night at Superpages.com Center in Dallas, where Widespread Panic performed two rip-roaring sets.
Word of advice to Texas quarterback Colt McCoy: Spend an extra night at home before making the trip to No. 15 Oklahoma State on Halloween Night. Widespread Panic is playing two nights at Austin Music Hall, and hearing "Don't Be Denied" might do you some good.
The Bottom 10 reached an all-time low last week, too. Six teams reached the midpoint of the season without a single victory. Two of them -- 0-7 Ball State and 0-6 Eastern Michigan -- play Saturday in what, unfortunately, probably isn't an all-time low for the MAC, but could be an all-time high for the Pillow Fight of the Week.
So, with apologies to Steve Harvey and with help from J.B. and the boys, here's the latest Bottom 10:
ESPN.com's Bottom 10
|1.||Western Kentucky||0-6||"Rebirtha": The Hilltoppers had to know the jump from FCS status to FBS play would be difficult. But 14 losses in a row? Can they start over?|
|2.||New Mexico||0-6||"Tickle The Truth": The Lobos' on-field performance has been bad, but coach Mike Locksley's off-field behavior has been worse. Bye week came at the right time.|
|3.||Rice||0-7||"Driving Song": Opponents have been driving on the Owls all season. Rice ranks dead-last among 120 FBS teams in scoring D, allowing 45 points per game.|
|4.||Ball State||0-7||"Lawyers, Guns and Money": Warren Zevon cut the original, but WSP does one heck of a cover. The Cardinals (No. 101 in pass defense) don't cover very well.|
|5.||Texas A&M||3-3||"Pickin' Up the Pieces": Or whatever is left of the Aggies' confidence in Mike Sherman. A&M lost 62-14 at Kansas State, which lost 66-14 to Texas Tech on Oct. 10.|
|6.||Miami (Ohio)||0-7||"Mercy": That might be the rallying cry at Miami. The RedHawks don't do anything well: They rank last among FBS teams in scoring, kickoff returns and turnover margin.|
|7.||Eastern Michigan||0-6||"Hope in a Hopeless World": Yes, there's hope even for the Eagles. Winless Ball State travels to Rynearson Stadium for an epic pillow fight Saturday.|
|8.||North Texas||1-5||"Weight of the World": That's the burden the not-so-Mean Green's offense carries onto the field. UNT's offense averages 405 yards per game, but the D surrenders more than 35.5 points per game.|
|9.||Illinois||1-5||"When the Clowns Come Home": Has Ron Zook's circus act run its course at Illinois? The Illini have lost six consecutive Big Ten games and eight of their past nine overall.|
|10.||Akron||1-5||"Already Fried": There's little zip in J.D. Brookhart's program. The Zips' only win is over Morgan State, not the kind of momentum you want with a new stadium.|
Waiting list: Arkansas State (1-4), Florida International (1-5), Utah State (1-5), San Jose State (1-5), Washington State (1-5), SEC officials, UNLV (2-5).
Mark Schlabach covers college football and men's college basketball for ESPN.com. You can contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.