Touch of the Grinch, sampling of Snoop

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WEEK: Preseason | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Bye | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

The Bottom 10 inspirational thought of the week:

Every Who
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot …
But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did not!
The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was too sizes too small."

-- "How The Grinch Stole Christmas!" Dr. Seuss

The Bottom 10 can certainly relate to the residents of Who-ville. In fact, for many of the worst college football teams of the 2009 season, it felt like the Grinch arrived in late August.

Quoting the venerable Dr. Seuss, "no one quite knows the reason" why Bottom 10 teams were so bad this season. Maybe it's because their heads weren't "screwed on quite right" or perhaps their "shoes were too tight."

But the final weekend of the 2009 regular season revealed a sliver of hope for the Bottom 10 teams: it wasn't because their hearts were "two sizes too small."

Ball State, which finished 2-10 and had been a Bottom 10 staple all season, avoided carrying a dubious ranking into the offseason by upsetting Western Michigan 22-17 on the road in its Nov. 24 finale. Western Kentucky and Eastern Michigan, both winless, put up good fights in their season finales, while Memphis and Maryland put forth valiant efforts in their last game, too.

A no-show in its regular-season finale against Washington meant Cal earned the coveted No. 5 spot.

With apologizes to Steve Harvey and Snoop Dogg -- the latest orator to tackle the "Grinch" in a recent appearance on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" -- here's the final Bottom 10 of the 2009 season:

ESPN.com's Bottom 10

	Rank	Team	Record	Comment
	1.	Western Kentucky	0-12	"I'm Threw Witchu": The David Elson era ended with a 24-20 loss to Arkansas State. Former Stanford assistant Willie Taggart inherits a team that has lost 20 games in a row.
	2.	Eastern Michigan	0-12	"Betta Days": The Eagles can only hope there are betta days ahead after Ron English's first season ended with a winless record.
	3.	Miami (Ohio)	1-11	"One Chance (Make It Good)": The RedHawks' best day was Halloween, when they defeated Toledo 31-24 for their only victory of 2009.
	4.	New Mexico	1-11	"Loosen' Control:" Lobos coach Mike Locksley keeps his job after a forgettable maiden voyage in Albuquerque.
	5.	Cal	8-4	"Ain't No Fun": The Bears fell down the Pac-10 bowl pecking order after failing to show up in a 42-10 loss at Washington.
	6.	Washington State	1-11	"2 Minute Warning": With a 3-22 record in two seasons, Cougars coach Paul Wulff needs to show much progress in 2010.
	7.	Rice	2-10	"Ain't Nuttin' Personal": The Owls gave up eight touchdowns and 59 points in the first half of their 73-14 loss at Houston in their finale.
	8.	Memphis	2-10	"Ya'll Gone Miss Me": At least the Tigers put up a fight in coach Tommy West's final game, losing 33-30 in overtime at Tulsa.
	9.	Maryland	2-10	"Da Boss Would Like To See You": Terrapins athletics director Debbie Yow has made it clear that 2010 will be a big season for embattled coach Ralph Friedgen.
	10.	New Mexico State	3-10	"Step Yo Game Up": The Aggies will be looking for better things in coach DeWayne Walker's second season.

Waiting list: North Texas (2-10), Virginia (3-9), Colorado (3-9), Illinois (3-9), Tulane (3-9), Ball State (2-10), Colorado State (3-9), Akron (3-9), Vanderbilt (2-10), Texas' clock management, Florida International (3-9).

Mark Schlabach covers college football and men's college basketball for ESPN.com. You can contact him at schlabachma@yahoo.com.

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Mark Schlabach | email

College Football and Basketball

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• College football/basketball writer for ESPN.com
• Author of seven books on college football
• Formerly at the Washington Post and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution