A new age approach to a timeless game

Enough with depth charts. Predictions, rankings too much. Haiku previews all.

Updated: September 1, 2005, 4:46 PM ET
By Ivan Maisel | ESPN.com

College football isn't big in Japan. And if anyone in Tokyo ever reads these, it never will be. But we persevere, as the season beckons with a steady diet of high-calorie games, in trying to introduce a little fiber in your college football diet. Think of this as culture. Pull your nose out of the depth charts, think of the calming forces of the ancient philosophies of the Far East, and snack on some college football haiku.

Remember, the snap count is 5-7-5.

Vince Young
Vince Young won't be complete until he and Texas beat OU.
Vince Young has it all
Quickness, size, and leadership
Complete? Needs OU

Leinart looks well-fed
Crazy, after seven months
Going without Chow

New coach will fix all
Stop me if you've heard this one
The Fighting Irish

Beer, a brat, and thou
Art of love at Camp Randall
Forever Barry

Love that clipped cadence
If Keith Jackson ever quits
It means woe, Nellie

He sprains more ankles
Than spike heels on cobblestones
Is he Bush? Or Ginn?

Myles Brand: watchdog of
Native American pride
And their casinos

Sam Hollenbach
Is Gwen Stefani getting ready to sing about Sam Hollenbach?
Terps have an idea
For Gwen Stefani's next hit:
It's Hollenbach Boy

Strange sight in garnet
Ol' Ballcoach at new address
Stranger sight: 'Cocks win

You may think GameDay
Decides Heisman, BCS.
Not so fast, my friend

Goes together like
NASCAR and college football:
DeAngelo scores!

New BCS poll
Includes coach's son-in-law
Anyone in charge?

Dave Wannstedt came home
To open arms of Mom, Pitt
But hugs don't win games

Charles Gordon
Charles Gordon is Kansas' amazing two-way threat.
Two-way receiver
Jayhawk ballhawk Charles Gordon
His QB or theirs

Crimson 12 on shirt
Pair of wobbly knees below
Joe Willie ... Croyle

Dare you to name which
Teams are in which division
The New ACC

World Trade Towers stood
Bill Clinton was president
Longhorns beat Sooners

Atlanta hates it,
Dallas, too. But in Gainesville
They love Urban sprawl

The Haves and Have Nots:
Instant replay can change games
(That aren't in the WAC)

GamePlan on TV;
Games on XM in your car.
You may need a life

Ivan Maisel is a senior writer at ESPN.com. He can be reached at ivan.maisel@espn3.com.

Ivan Maisel | email

Senior Writer, ESPN.com