Commentary

One spy's view of '08-09 regular season

Updated: April 10, 2009, 5:35 PM ET
By Damien Cox | Special to ESPN.com

Mole
iStockphoto.comtwitterHockeyMole is in da house!
We stumbled across one league spy's "notes" from the 2008-09 regular season. The spy went under the name "twitterHockeyMole," but the spy's "bio" wasn't readily available. We still think it's legit. You be the judge.

Made it in. Have infiltrated the NHL's NY offices. Nobody knows; spying for Paul Kelly. Wonder if Ted Saskin can read my e-mail?
10:22 a.m., Sept. 15 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


RT @JohnDavidson: What did they teach Erik Johnson at the NDTP? You'd think getting out of a golf cart would be part of it.
4:56 p.m., Sept 15


Ran into Bettman. Told him it would be great to hold awards in Vegas. He accidentally spat coffee on my white shirt. Dumb idea, I guess.
2:15 p.m., Sept. 19 twitterHockeyMole


@T_Saskin: Yes I can. Tell Daly so much for "This is beginning of beautiful friendship." Lasted as long as a Torts postgame explanation.
5:07 a.m, Sept 23


Giggling over fact Craig MacTavish is already calling Penner "Dustin Penne." Too bad about Dwayne Roloson. He'll never get his job back.
4:03 p.m., Sept 30 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


Leafs 3, Wings 2. No need for Brian Burke in Toronto now, huh? Told u Maurice was to blame -- you'll never work in the league again, Paul!
10:22 p.m., Oct. 9 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@SeanAvery: A favor? Send that T-shirt Bettman ordered for me with all the things I'm NOT supposed to say. Were references to ex-girlfriends a no-no(?)
11:15 p.m., Oct. 10


Such buzz from NHL over Winter Classic in Chicago. Plan to have Steve Bartman sit in left-field corner and catch a Bobby Hull slap shot.
2:34 p.m, Oct. 21 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@JohnDavidson: First the golf mishap. Now Palin's ceremonial carpet gets our goalie. Is our season video going to be directed by Hitchcock? Or Ferrell?
10:55 p.m., Oct. 25


More giggles over L.A. plans to use J. Quick in goal. Told Lombardi it's OK as long as he has Steve Speedy on wing and Jo-Jo JumboTron on D.
9:08 a.m., Nov. 1 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@Lombardi_NotVince: Funny. Real funny. Raitis Ivanans now has your home address.
3:07 a.m., Nov. 2


@LLamoriello: Uh, small problem here. Didn't bother to buy a mask for any of our other goalies this season. Just baseball caps. That's all they ever need.
11:30 p.m., Nov. 4


Colin Campbell just gave Chris Simon a 48-game suspension. Don't have the heart to tell Colie the big fella's in the KHL. Let the intern do it.
3:19, Nov. 6 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@SawProducer: Just between you and me. If we fire Melrose after only 16 games, will the league let us spend to a $87M cap this season?
7:33 a.m., Nov. 10


@L_Dude_Barrie: Anybody wanna buy a golf course?
7:48 a.m., Nov. 10


@MapleLeafCaptain13: This guy I know, he's from, um, Norway, isn't sure whether he should play in the NHL this season. Could he pick up the season when NBC does?
5:46 p.m., Nov. 19


Mats? Is that you Mats?
5:47 p.m., Nov. 19 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@MapleLeafCaptain13: Um, no, this is Lance Armstrong. No, it's Victor Hedman. Wait, no, it's Shaq.
5:49 p.m., Nov. 19


@SeanAvery: Need the T-shirt man! Gettin' an itchy trigger finger down here in Big D. No one laughs at my fart jokes. Actually, the Vogue folks didn't either.
12:08 p.m., Nov. 20


Hartnell sent request to NHL to not have to cut his hair. Gary says no. Note to Paul to grieve this one. He and Lindros can work on this.
11:54 a.m., Nov. 30 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@TheSilverFox: Aren't we past the GM trading deadline? I steal Ryan Hollweg for a fifth and this is how they treat me. I WON A CUP 20 YRS AGO, DAMMIT!
5:43 p.m., Nov. 30


Oops. Forgot to send T-shirt to Sean. Thought he was still with the Rangers, but they'd never take him back. Maybe it'll all blow over.
10:00 p.m.7, Dec. 2 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@MapleLeafCaptain13: Are they playing all 82 games again this season? Three periods in each game? Still full contact? My, uh, friend wants to know.
2:39 p.m., Dec. 7


@TavaresJohnGenerals: Any chance the Islanders will be moving? Or being sold? Why can nobody tell me the name of the new coach?
5:11 p.m., Dec. 9


Emotions at office high over economy. Winnipeg mayor hung up on Gary. Something about shoving something somewhere. Or dead coyotes.
11:30 a.m., Dec. 12 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@MapleLeafCaptain13: It was me all along. Big Mats. Vancouver gave me the Cup tradition I was looking for. Hope I can play with Mess.
3:56 p.m., Dec. 15


Weird reports out of Montreal. George wants out. He says no. I believe him. Must be those Liverpool fans spreading rumors.
9:22 a.m., Dec. 24 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


Bartman won't do Classic. Colie suspended him for 122 games. Settling for really bad uniforms and guest appearance from Hull hairpiece.
12:38 p.m., Dec. 29 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


Weird to hear both Lidstrom and Datsyuk booked hotels in Bahamas for Jan. 24-25. Aren't they supposed to be somewhere else that weekend?
10:55 a.m., Jan. 12 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@Foppa21: HOW MUCH DID THAT BALD STIFF GET FOR HALF A SEASON?!
6:43 p.m., Jan. 19


Gary not happy. Spills coffee on me again. Accidentally. Zetterberg gets 12-year, $73M deal. Gary says he's no DiPietro. Does he mean Paul?
2:45 p.m., Jan. 28 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@SeanAvery: Feeling calmer. Anger management working. Just wondering … why the &%^$#@!?&$ DIDN'T YOU SEND ME THAT %$#?:&@! T-SHIRT?!
5:08 a.m., Jan. 31


@OlliJokinen: I don't think they like me here. Should try harder. Should apologize to coach for those Police Academy jokes. Will call Sean for advice.
2:55 p.m., Feb. 2


Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood sure make a nice couple. Very photogenic. Geez, I hope she never dated He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
1:19 p.m., Feb. 11 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


Gary and Bill called me into office today. Want to know what was the name of the city I suggested for the NHL Awards. I said Vegas.
8:59 a.m., Feb. 16 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


Sharks humming along, B's winning, Ovie scoring, Parise looks like real deal. And those brothers in Montreal seem to have good friends.
5:16 p.m., Feb. 18 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@EmeryBeLikeTyson: Who knew suitcases of money didn't mean contracts were guaranteed?
2:09 a.m., Feb. 22


Torts to Rangers. Already swore at Statue of Liberty. Told press he wants to hire McLellan and some guy in D.C. Don't think he can do that.
6:44 p.m., Feb. 24 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@AlexanderSemin: What I said about Crosby? Never mind.
8:43 p.m., Feb. 24


Florida in bad fix with that Bouwmeester dude. Just two more days. Too bad trade line to Canucks was ripped out of wall in Panther offices.
3:33 p.m., March. 2 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@OlliJokinen: Guess the Police Academy apologies didn't work. Why do they call him Iron Mike?
3:00 p.m., March 4


@SeanAvery: If there's a TV timeout and everyone's just kinda stretching, can I hit the goalie in head with my stick? What if I wasn't angry at the time?
4:09 a.m., March 16


Lacroix called Gary and asked if it's OK if the Avs lost every game the rest of the season by 5 goals. Gary said lottery ensures integrity.
12:54 p.m., March 20 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@L_Dude_Barrie: Anybody wanna buy a golf course?
1:08 a.m., March 24


George says yes, maybe, sure it's possible Habs are for sale. Perhaps those friends of the Kostitsyns would be interested?
2:17 p.m., March. 31 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@GarthSnow: That Maurice is a great coach. The size of his brain alone beat us by 9. Shame to be losing that bad this time of year, right Pierre? Ha!
11:01 p.m., April 7


CuJo ties Gump Worsley's all-time record with 352nd goaltending loss. Does this make the late Gumper happy or sad in the life beyond?
10:08 p.m. April 8 Sent from twitterHockeyMole


@T_Saskin: Still got your e-mail. Been reading everything for months. Passing on to Gary and Bill. Wait til I tell Chelly. Maybe I could be ombudsman.
8:04 a.m., April 9


Gotta run.
About four hours ago Sent from twitterHockeyMole


Damien Cox, a columnist for The Toronto Star, is a regular contributor to ESPN.com. He is the author of "Brodeur: Beyond The Crease" and "'67: The Maple Leafs, Their Sensational Victory, and the End of an Empire."

Damien Cox, a columnist for the Toronto Star, is a regular hockey contributor to ESPN.com. In this role, he writes numerous columns on the NHL.