ESPN NHL

K. Kringle
1 Candy Cane Lane
North Pole

Dear Mr. Kringle:

Congratulations once again on your savvy, summertime decision to outsource the keeping of your naughty/nice lists to Screen Shots Inc. After all, who better than a nosy notekeeper to decide who gets lumped in with the good group and who needs a plain old lumping, right?

We have complied a thoroughly comprehensive list that includes analyses of the music industry (nice: the guys from OutKast; naughty: nu-metal groups, every last one of 'em) and the fine people who make movies (nice: Bad Santa; beyond naughty: Stuck on You), but for brevity's sake, we have restricted this particular data stream to include recommendations (and explanations) only in the field of professional hockey. (Also, please note: because our final analysis concerns politicians, we thought it prudent to expense 40,000 tons of extra coal to your account. We trust this needs no elaboration on our behalf.)

Here's what we've got so far:

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Nice: Carolina Hurricanes ownership and management for their classy treatment of recently fired coach Paul Maurice. After nine years at the helm, things clearly weren't going Maurice's way thanks mostly to season-long, pooch-like performances from his forwards (and by "forwards" we mean "Jeff O'Neill"). But rather than take a jab at Maurice's character in rationalizing why he was let go -- as opposed to, say, a team that fires their GM, then withholds the remainder of his contract after allegations of insubordination -- the Hurricanes franchise exuded class and respect. Whether GM Jim Rutherford found the right replacement in Paul Maurice remains to be seen, but there's no doubt he served notice that the Hurricanes are an organization dedicated to its employees.

Naughty: Announcers who think they have to identify European players using a cartoonish, half-baked dialect of the country the player hails from. If they're not pronouncing Swedish players' names in a manner that would make The Swedish Chef from The Muppet Show sue for character assassination, they're over-ethnicizing a name like Tomi Santala's to the point that they sound like Tony Montana from Scarface. Until said announcers are willing to enunciate a WASPy name such as "Tom Fitzgerald" like a liquored-up leprechaun would, enough already.

Nice: The Edmonton Oilers, Montreal Canadiens, NHL Alumni Association and everyone involved in the Nov. 22 Heritage Classic for a perfectly-executed example of what hockey can be, given the proper amount of creative thinking and passion. Future efforts at a similar venture may not have the allure this one did, but planning and executing such a massive promotion couldn't have been a piece of cake and hockey fans are richer for their efforts.

Naughty: The pacifist and lover of all things classy who's promoting a pay-per-view featuring nothing but fights between hockey "players." Besides the fact this Don King wannabe is making entrants pay for the privilege of shifting each other's body parts from their original location, we're especially troubled by reports that he was received warmly by cable companies interested in airing the sideshow. Now, we've got nothing against a physical altercation every so often, but as far as we've understood the process, players get into fights because other players get physical with them, not because there's a camera with a lit-up red light on top of it pointed in their direction. The fact that the event is scheduled to take place in North Dakota because that state has no regulations for fighting tells you all you need to know. If you wouldn't pay to see it in an unregulated back alley, you shouldn't be shelling out for something that amounts to nothing more than legalized cockfighting. And if, god forbid, someone should suffer a serious injury -- or worse -- during the program, will the cable companies be willing to share the blame?

Nice: Former NHLer Brian Conacher for grace under horrendous circumstances. The president of the NHL Alumni Association has put on a brave front in the face of a series of devastating tragedies that has shaken the group to its core. Losing vice-chairman Keith McCreary to cancer in mid-December was difficult enough, but the tragic death of chairman Keith Magnuson less than a week later -- and the subsequent impaired driving charges against secretary-treasurer Rob Ramage in the car accident that took Magnuson's life -- seems too heavy a burden to bear, especially because it occurred during the holiday season. That it happened to such fundamentally great people -- Ramage treats strangers as warmly as he does former teammates and Magnuson's enthusiasm for the game was legendary -- makes the ordeal all the more harrowing. But if the families involved are attended to with as much care and consideration as the three members of the executive board displayed towards hundreds of retired players, the legacies of McCreary and Magnuson will remain intact. And perhaps Ramage will be permitted to repay his debt with the dignity and privacy Magnuson would have wanted for his good friend.

Naughty: Oilers GM Kevin Lowe for pioneering The Ransom Note School Of Franchise Building. Asking a player (in this case, restricted free agent Mike Comrie) to repay millions (in this case, $2.5 million) off his contract in return for a trade out of town -- especially when the team doing the asking is under .500 and out of the playoff picture -- is like getting Heidi Klum to go out for dinner with you, then demanding she pick up the tab; if it works out, you're a genius, but in all honesty you've got a better chance of spotting Jim J. Bullock at a "Girls Gone Wild" film festival. In an impressive attempt to better that blunder, Lowe backed out on an agreed-upon deal with Anaheim for Comrie, trading him instead to Philadelphia. Ducks GM Bryan Murray is believed to be none too thrilled over the saga, which has left him trying to repair relations with prospect Corey Perry, who was rumored to be heading to Edmonton in the trade. If you're a rival GM, do you want to do business with a guy who reneges on his word? Sure you don't, which could keep Lowe on the outside looking in during future trade discussions, and as such, could hamper future attempts at improvement.

E-mail Adam Proteau at aproteau@thehockeynews.com.

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