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It took a couple of Screen Shots-free months to realize it, but it's true what they say: absence (of watching your boss, sweating not insignificantly, pore through your column as he weeds out so-called "libels") really does make the heart grow fonder.

However, before the cap is cracked on another season of pro hockey, it's important to know where one has been before one knows where one is going -- and why referring to one's self as "one" inevitably requires the employment of a British accent, even when one is only typing it.

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And so, in lieu of a slide show, we present excerpts from the Screen Shots summer diary (Note: in keeping with the column's family-friendly tone, certain diary portions involving Jennifer Garner, Mediterranean beaches, candlelit nights and the entire scenario's inevitable letdown have been excised):

June 3: NHL confirms plans for regular-season outdoor game at Edmonton's Commonwealth Stadium. Experts project attendance to come in somewhere between 55,000-60,000, pretty good for an early-season game, but miniscule in comparison to crowds expected for still-in-the-works "Everybody In The Building Thinks Those Mustard Yellow Predators Uniforms Are An Affront To Professional Sports And Ought To Be Legislated Against" Night.

June 12: Attend NHL awards. Remark to colleague in attendance "there's no way NHLers can be more wooden than they are in your average postgame interview." Midway through ceremonies, stand corrected. Commence work on blanket apology to forests and pulp products everywhere.

July 8: Dominik Hasek announces plans to return to NHL with Red Wings, putting incumbent Curtis Joseph on trade block. Resist urge to revel in Joseph's misfortune. Also resist notion of future column on topic, especially one on how ironic it is that a player who left his team in favor of a franchise known for its ruthless pursuit of championships gets jettisoned for that very reason.

July 24: Suddenly begin to fondly reminisce about gripping, Nov. 16 1-1 draw between Blue Jackets and Predators. Immediately swear off all foods eaten in last seven days and triple amount of alcohol consumed in same period.

August 9: While whitewater rafting on Ottawa River, get tossed out of raft and sucked 25 feet underwater, bouncing off rocks and fighting ferociously powerful undercurrents not visible to naked eye. Suddenly feel strange kinship with all who interviewed for Maple Leafs GM position.

August 17: Talking to the Boston media, Bruins GM Mike O'Connell notes subtle differences between newest Bruin tough guy Sandy McCarthy and ex-Bruins tough guy Kryzstof Oliwa: "He's more aware defensively. He's not as loose a cannon," O'Connell told the Boston Globe. "He's better within the team structure. He works hard. He's more professional." Just another reason why the Bruins are such an attractive free-agent destination: their loose cannons are only mildly untight, and a shade more professional than your run-of-the-mill paid puncher. (And let's not forget their outstanding approach to alumni relations.)

August 22: Read comments from Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs on upcoming labor unrest. Among the many gems: "Boston makes money, and it will continue to make money. When I say it makes money, it doesn't lose a lot is a better way to put it." (Well, that should clear things up. The Bruins make money by not losing a lot of money. And to think, we've been sitting on a fortune all these years!); Jacobs' wisdom was bequeathed during a panel discussion with the owners of Boston's NBA, NFL MLB and NHL teams. Combined championships since 1986? Er, one. When you care enough to beat the very best ...

August 26: As part of officially assuming ownership of the Senators, Eugene Melnyk announces ticketholders-only Eagles concert. Piggybacking off that idea, send suggestions to various NHL teams on similar venture, including:

The Chicago Blackhawks and Ozzy Osbourne: Neither has had a hit since the early 80s; both feature dithering old men prone to shouting episodes (e.g., "Sharon!" and "To hell with televising home games!") and, with the exception of their inner circle (i.e. "Sharon!" and Bob Pulford), few claim to comprehend anything they say.

The Florida Panthers and Simon and Garfunkel: Hey, if Paul and Art can patch up their differences, why can't GM Rick Dudley and coach Mike Keenan? (Also provides fresh context for "The Sounds of Silence".)

E-mail Adam Proteau at aproteau@thehockeynews.com.

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