Our special take on the mundane quote
Detroit Looks To Close Out Cup Final
PITTSBURGH -- There is no mightier shield in the late stages of this Stanley Cup finals series than the cliché.
The words all have been doled out, and the situation is clear: The Penguins must win Tuesday evening to force a seventh game Friday in Detroit, or they will watch a Stanley Cup celebration on their home ice for the second year in a row.
But still we demand more words from the coaches and their players, even if those words all have a certain sameness to them at this stage of the proceedings.
Which is why we provide our annual deciphering of the mundane and predictable:
• Actual quote: Pittsburgh coach Dan Bylsma was asked whether the Pens can win without production from Chris Kunitz, Ruslan Fedotenko and Bill Guerin.
"Do we need those guys to score a goal? We don't need them to score a goal. We need our team to play well. We need our special teams to be better than their special teams. If we do that, we're going to give ourselves a chance to win the game."
Translation: Yes, of course we need those guys to score. We didn't sign them or trade for them to have them stand around our dressing room drinking up all those protein drinks and eating almonds. I'd like them to score by the bushel. Even if they mixed in one goal among the three of them, it might be nice. What's that old saying about your library books? Oh, yeah, they're overdue.
• Actual quote: Ruslan Fedotenko on how the Penguins can rebound from Game 5's 5-0 drubbing in Detroit: "We've just got to play our game."
Translation: In Game 5, it looked like our game got mixed up with the New York Islanders' game circa 1973. How the heck did that happen? Actually, instead of our game, how about the 1978 Habs' game? We'd take that.
• Actual quote: Sidney Crosby was asked about his highly publicized slash of Henrik Zetterberg in Game 5.
"I haven't seen it replayed, but I don't have any regrets. He cross checked me earlier on. It's not about getting back at guys at this point. We've got to play hockey here and worry about winning a game."
Translation: I only regret I didn't do it harder and before they started waxing us. And, as for getting back at someone, I'm working on a play where I bank it in off Zetterberg, Pavel Datsyuk and Don Cherry's left knee for the winner. See you in Detroit on Friday.
• Actual quote: Crosby also was asked about the team's response to Game 5 and reminded questioners the Pens were in 10th place midway through the season and would gladly take a one-game shot to get to a seventh game of the Stanley Cup finals. "So, we're keeping things in perspective here knowing what we have to do," Crosby said.
Translation: If I have to watch Marian Hossa hoist the Stanley Cup on Tuesday night, I might throw up.
• Actual quote: Pittsburgh netminder Marc-Andre Fleury was asked whether he thought of Game 6 as separate from Game 7 or both together.
"You know, I really believe it's not over; I really look for that Game 7," Fleury said. "But at the same time, we've got to be ready to just play the game and not worry about it."
Translation: Do you think I could get one of those teeth-whitening commercials? I mean, look at these pearly whites. I think I'd be great. Oh, yeah, Game 6. Well, as long as my teammates don't lose their marbles again, we'll be OK. Do you think Steve Yzerman (executive director of the Canadian Olympic team) was watching the other night when I got yanked? Darn. Maybe he was in the washroom.
• Actual quote: Fleury also was asked about his ability to rebound from that Game 5 performance. "Yeah, yeah, it's just one game. Like I said, if it's 2-1 or 5-0, that's the loss. That's all that matters."
Translation: Didn't they have to send Chris Osgood home during the season for attitude adjustment? When did he turn into Terry Sawchuk? I'm used to you guys ripping on him; now he's a Hall of Famer. Writers. What do you know? You think I'm happy all the time? Listen to "Tears of a Clown." Simpletons.
• Actual quote: Chris Kunitz, Crosby's linemate, was asked whether he feels pressure to score, given he's had only one goal this spring.
"It comes from everybody," Kunitz said. "You can't rely on one guy, or two guys, everybody has to have their best game of the year, because they're going to be coming hard. They know it's their chance to close it out, and you never want to let those slip away from you, because Game 7s, you just never know."
Translation: Did you see when I missed the open net in Game 4? An open net. Wow. You don't see that very often. Well, actually, I guess I do. Quite a lot, come to think of it. I know your chances of winning the lottery are better than mine are of scoring, but, hey, someone wins the lottery right? I mean, they do, don't they? Anyway, you know what I'm saying. I'm due. By the way, what did Bylsma say about this?
• Actual quote: Detroit coach Mike Babcock was asked what he expects from teams playing in an elimination game.
"Desperation. The other thing that happens in the playoffs when you lose a game and you don't play the way you want, you beat yourself up for a couple of days," Babcock said. "Probably not hurt, but you want to be better. You want to be the best you can be. You analyze what you did wrong. Well, we try to do the same thing by being even keel all the time. So we're preparing the same way."
Translation: We'd better win. Have you seen the schedule? We won't play again until Friday if there's a Game 7. What date is that, July 15? Who makes this stuff up? All this after making us play back-to-back days to start the series. Jiminy Crickets. Oh, never mind. Where's my McGill tie?
• Actual quote: Red Wings captain Nicklas Lidstrom cautioned that the Wings haven't accomplished anything other than getting an opportunity to win.
"We haven't won anything yet. We put ourselves in great position, but we're not there yet. We have to stay focused."
Translation: Why does everyone think I'm boring? I'm pretty gosh-darned exciting.
• Actual quote: Detroit netminder Chris Osgood also was asked what it's like to prepare for a game that could end in a Stanley Cup celebration.
"You get excited because you see the light down the tunnel. It's such a grind and battle for so long sometimes you don't think it," Osgood said. "But it seems like it's going to take forever to get there. So, when you're finally here, you get excited. The anticipation is, you know, you want to go out and play your best game."
Translation: Wow. People think I'm going to get into the Hall of Fame and maybe get a Conn Smythe Trophy. And they once said I was the worst goalie to ever win a Stanley Cup. Go figure. Do you think Yzerman has been watching? Hope he wasn't in the washroom when I got that shutout the other night.
• Actual quote: Bylsma was asked whether he's considered putting Petr Sykora back in the lineup even though he hasn't played since early in the Washington series.
"I've considered it every game from the time he hasn't played until now. So I've always considered it. We've certainly talked about different scenarios in the coaches' room and talked about what our team needs and what would help us win this game in Game 6, and we're still talking about it."
Translation: Not a chance. There's a better chance of Mario lacing them up. But thanks for asking. By the way, how good has this been? Last year, I'm a no-name assistant in Wilkes-Barre. Now, I'm, well, I'm still Dan Bylsma, but I'm way more famous than the Dan Bylsma a year ago.
Scott Burnside covers the NHL for ESPN.com.
