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Holmes says she cut herself with scissors

5/29/2005

LONDON -- British double-gold medalist Kelly Holmes said she
cut herself with scissors and considered committing suicide two
years ago because of depression.

Holmes, who won the 800- and 1,500-meter gold at the Athens
Olympics, said she cut her left forearm and stomach during a
two-month period in 2003. At the time, she was dealing with a
series of leg injuries in a French training camp.

"I made one cut for every day that I had been injured," Holmes
told the News of the World newspaper on Sunday. "With each one I
felt I was punishing myself, but at the same time I felt a sense of
release that drove me to do it again."

Holmes sought help from a doctor, who diagnosed her with
depression. Holmes couldn't take antidepressants because it would
have affected her performance, so she took herbal serotonin
tablets.

Holmes said her coach and family didn't know of her self abuse.

"People get depression for various reasons, but can't express
how they feel," she said. "This is what happened in my life, but
I was able to change it and go on to what happened afterwards."

Her autobiography, "Black, White and Gold," will be released
next month. The 34-year-old star was made a Dame, the female
equivalent of a knighthood earlier this year.

She hasn't committed to the world championships in August and is
considering retirement.