Holmes says she cut herself with scissors

Updated: May 29, 2005, 7:13 PM ET
Associated Press

LONDON -- British double-gold medalist Kelly Holmes said she cut herself with scissors and considered committing suicide two years ago because of depression.

Holmes, who won the 800- and 1,500-meter gold at the Athens Olympics, said she cut her left forearm and stomach during a two-month period in 2003. At the time, she was dealing with a series of leg injuries in a French training camp.

"I made one cut for every day that I had been injured," Holmes told the News of the World newspaper on Sunday. "With each one I felt I was punishing myself, but at the same time I felt a sense of release that drove me to do it again."

Holmes sought help from a doctor, who diagnosed her with depression. Holmes couldn't take antidepressants because it would have affected her performance, so she took herbal serotonin tablets.

Holmes said her coach and family didn't know of her self abuse.

"People get depression for various reasons, but can't express how they feel," she said. "This is what happened in my life, but I was able to change it and go on to what happened afterwards."

Her autobiography, "Black, White and Gold," will be released next month. The 34-year-old star was made a Dame, the female equivalent of a knighthood earlier this year.

She hasn't committed to the world championships in August and is considering retirement.

Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press