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Inventors have been registering bright ideas with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office since 1790. While some inventions like the flush toilet, personal computer and aspirin have proved invaluable, the same cannot be said of every innovation, including many products made with outdoor recreationists in mind, many of which could charitably be described as far-fetched.

Here, see what I mean.

Happy Camper
Patent Issued In 1985 Bubba is a happy camper. Why? Because it's cold outside and Bubba's new Happy Camper sleeping bag allows him to unzip some zippers, poke his arms and legs out and walk around. Now you might ask, why would Bubba want to walk around in his sleeping bag in the first place? So he can answer Mother Nature's call, of course. Other zippers allow the user to open strategically placed apertures for easy nighttime relief without leaving the comfort of the warm sleeping bag.

Goose Head
Patent Issued In 1991
Wild geese don't want to meet with "fowl" play, so they keenly avoid hunters. This means hunters must find a way to fool the birds so they won't leave the scene. And, of course, what better way to do that than dressing up in a super-hero cape that has a plastic goose head built into the attached baseball cap. The inventor suggests the hunter move his head from side to side and flap his cape a little to simulate a happy goose. I think anyone wearing this strange hunting outfit should not only be banned from owning guns, they shouldn't be allowed to breed either. In this case, I'm rooting for the goose.


Flying Fish
Patent Issued In 1972
Are you one of the millions of anglers who dreads the laborious task of hauling your catch out of the water every time you hook a fish? Well, listen up, lazy boy, because this fishing apparatus practically guarantees you won't have to get up off your fat butt all day long! A big balloon floats on the water's surface above your baited hook. When a fish bites, you simply press a button on your fishing pole and the balloon instantaneously fills with lighter-than-air gas and, hopefully, hooks your fish. You will watch in awe as your finny friend is pulled effortlessly out of the water and suspended in mid-air. You just sit back and comfortably reel in your catch — out of the air! I suggest you reel it in fast, though, before sea gulls swoop in and eat your hanging fish for dinner. Talk about the one that got away.

Squatting Deer
Patent Issued In 2000
Attention big-game hunters. Are you finding it difficult to get deer to come close enough for a decent shot? According to the inventor of this amazing product, you could use a decoy, but decoys resemble statues; they're immobile and don't look life-like. His solution? A Squatting Deer! That's right, a fake Rudolph that simulates a deer going to the bathroom. Through the magic of remote control, the deer can be commanded to squat, just like it's doing its business. And guess what? Rudolph's tail wags, too! Isn't that's endearing?

Cricket Gun
Patent Issued In 1992
Do you ever use crickets for fish bait? Of course, you do. And doesn't it aggravate you when you open the top of your cricket cage and all those hoppers take advantage of this opportune moment and flee for their lives? It's a sad state of affairs, but catching a cricket for your hook requires both hands, and you know what that means — you may have to set your beer down for a moment, causing you to lose concentration. Well, here's the solution: the Cricket Gun! To use, you just load the gun with a bunch of frisky crickets, and when you need an insect for bait, you simply pull the Cricket Gun's trigger and snatch the little bug as it flies by. The cricket will be so befuddled by being shot out of the gun that it probably won't resist when you impale it on your hook. Beware, however: plump crickets tend to make messy gun jams.