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ORLANDO, Fla. — Three days in the woods, starting with absolutely nothing, looking to kill some deer and survive off only what we shoot. The catch is, all our products have to come off the Shooting Hunting Outdoor Trade Show floor and we can't spend over $2,000.

If you've ever been on the SHOT Show floor, you might have some grasp of the options. Over 700,000 square feet of options (although we can pretty much rule out tactical right away, so it's slightly narrowed down).

But this still sucks in terms of the enormity of the task. I hit the floor with 2,000 hypothetical dollars in my wallet and good intentions, but go cross-eyed and weak-kneed when I actually see the spread of booths.

I must say though, it all came so beautifully together, I might even have some leftover meat for Eifling as he crawls to me begging — begging because his products are useless — begging because he's starving (can you starve in three days?).

Anyway, here's what I came up with.

Budget: $2,000

Guns and ammo

Picking a gun was easy on the SHOT Show floor because there were only 87 million choices. Seriously, I had almost no idea where to start, so I went with Winchester and started checking out their new line of rifles.

And like any good shopper looking to boost the economy, I over-spent a little. The way I see it, if your gun doesn't work, you're pretty much out of luck. According to Southwick Associates (the company that runs huntersurvey.com), the average rifle costs $517. Mine cost $739.

I settled on the Ultimate Shadow rifle, Model 70 (bolt action, 7mm, 24-inch barrel length, blued finish barrel). It doesn't look much like other rifles. It gives a secure hold in both hot and cold temperatures, and feels tight in my hands, which should help with control. Control becomes real important since I can't afford a scope on this "meager" budget.

Coming out of my gun will be Barnes Bullets newest product, the TSX" Bullet. A box of 50 cost $30, and judging by the video I saw that was blowing up prairie dogs and dropping deer in their track (videos never lie, right?), I won't need more than one box. I'm ready to hunt and gather … sort of.

Gun and ammo: $769

Remaining budget: $1,231

Dressing myself

So, I'm watching a character flaw coming out of me as I shop, but in this case, it could cost me my theoretical life. I just, possibly, overspent on a rifle and with clothes on my mind and still a decently fat wallet, I head straight for the Under Armour booth.

I'm sure Under Armour is not the most expensive clothing on the floor, but it's high-end stuff. But their slogan is "Athletes Hunt," their stuff looks better than everyone else's, and they got me.

I started with the Men's Camo Skysweeper Bib. It comes with the heavy price tag of $299.99. But oh, it's warm, and if I'm going to be in Wisconsin for three days, being warm is right there on top of my list next to eating. After spending $40 on underwear and an under-shirt (I'm going to have to wear them for four days), I start looking at jackets. Again, it may not fit perfectly into my budget, but my next purchase is the Men's Camo Idylwild Shell jacket for $259.99. I add another UA long-sleeve shirt for layer purposes ($30), some heavy-duty socks from a new booth (Columbia® Summit Crest" Socks - $12) and all I have left are boots.

Wow. There are a lot of people selling boots. I'm most impressed by Rocky Boots (and their booth was close). I went with Badger style for two reasons: 800 Gram Thinsulate® Ultra Insulation (don't know what that means, but it sounds warm) and durably waterproof and breathable Gore-Tex Fabric (I know what that means).

Total clothing cost = $742

Other important things (accessories)

Well crap. As I expected, I'm running out of money. Value is now the name of the game. I still need a place to sleep, something to skin my food with and cook my food on, and something to start fires with and cut wood with. I've got $489 to work with.

I also need small essentials, like a compass. I went with a Highgear TrailPilot 2 for $30. It's a compass and a thermometer and it easily clips onto my gear. Then I grabbed a knife from Toollogic that comes equipped with a LED light on top. Should be everything I need to clean a deer and get around at night and saw through some smaller logs, all for $60.

My next stop is at the Ultimate Survival Technologies booth (I'm thinking maybe I should have started here) where I quasi purchased a StrikeForce Fire Starter for $25. When you scrape the striker down the flint material that comes with it, you generate a spark three times as hot as a standard match — sounds good enough to me.

As I see it now, I need a tent and cooking equipment, and I've got $374 left.

I'll start the cooking process with the 10 Minute Deer Skinner. It's definitely not as cool as it sounds and I'm not even sure it works, but for $30, even the possibility that it might work is worth it for this situation. I'm throwing in a 10-inch Seasoned Cast Iron Skillet from Camp Chef for $15, and some spatulas and other accessories for $25. It's not fancy, and it's probably going to suck come cooking time, but I'm on a tight budget and can't afford a nice fire rotisserie.

With only a tent left on the agenda, I headed for the Snow Peak booth to pick up the Amenity Dome tent. It might be a little high-end ($250) and it has a porch, but again, comfort and warmth — protection from snow — are going to be key on this trip. And it comes right in on budget.

I have money left (things I should have gotten).

At this point, with the first run of items taken care of, I've got $69 left. Here's what I don't have that would be nice: scope, binoculars, sleeping bag, deer stand.

The only two of those I might be able to swing for less than $70 are binoculars or a sleeping bag, so it looks like I'll be climbing trees and sleeping on the floor of my fancy tent.

Considering the money I've already poured into comfort, I headed toward the optics booths. It turns out binoculars can be very expensive, but I did find a pair for $60 from Yukon Advanced optics (the Rambler). I could go into all the dirty details, but the reality is they are binoculars and they'll help me see deer I otherwise wouldn't be able to see.

One last stop before the woods…

With my final $9, I stop by the food court inside the Orange County Convention Center and get a burger — one burger — because that's how much a burger cost. No fries, no drink, just a poorly made hamburger.

I'm going to stick it my pocket and save it for Eifling, so when he comes crawling over to my camp about a day and a half into the hunt, I'll give him a day and a half old burger that was crappy when it was fresh.

Because that's just the way I roll.

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