Tanks Giving

Updated: November 29, 2006, 7:04 PM ET
By Jay Cronley | Special to ESPN.com

Thanks for:

Soldiers.
Fewer IRS audits.
Health.
Desperate divorcees.
Nova Scotia.
Dunkin Donuts coffee.
HDTV.
Blimps.
Dogs.
Frontline flea juice.
Hank Goldberg's picks.
TiVo.
The Racing Form.
Pansies.
Caller ID.
The Mute button.
The possibility of peace.
Poppy Montgomery (she's on one of those cop-show-things that all look alike except for her).
Dean & Deluca.
People who feed the needy more than one day a year.
The rage against cell phones used by drivers and grocery shoppers.
Donald E. Westlake novels.
Bad free throw shooters.
Slot machine players.
Robin Meade.
Old neighbors.
Barbaro.
Readers.
Women jockeys.
Women tennis players from Russia.
ATMs.
Convenient payments.
Oscilloccinum (made of something like duck guts, but don't laugh, it works on the flu).
Heated car seats.
USC female cheerleaders.
Small horse race tracks.
"The Shield" returns soon (it's the only great show on television).
Tornado sirens.
Imus in the morning.
Ed McBain novels.
The Independence Bowl (it might sleet).
Fifteen-yard pass interference penalties in college football (the point-of-foul penalty in the pros is nuts because it assumes the pass would have been caught).
Ex-wives (considering the alternative).
Paper road maps.
Overdraft coverage.
Christmas decorations at the OTB joints (including tellers in elfin gear).
One hundred and 50 cable channels.
Bad guys trying to smash Horatio Caine.
Leno's contract.
Cops.
Refunds.
Rebates.
This job.

Write to Jay at jaycronley@yahoo.com