Thinking funny
Breeder's Cup weekend makes Lake Wobegone look like Siberia. At the Breeder's Cup, it's like Nicely Nicely in Wonderland: two drinks make you handicap better, all the payoffs are gigantic, the tellers don't accept tips, house cuts are suspended, DQ's get a rebate, and food stamps are accepted.
They'll be redirecting insane amounts of currency at Santa Anita Nov. 6 and 7, and at simulcast venues near and foreign. It's a perfect event for movie land, part artificial, all about money. It's unlike any other event because most races are longer on breeding than form, throwing 95 percent of handicappers off their feed. Sure enough, overall industry percentages run true, with around 30 percent of the Breeder's Cup favorites winning. But nowhere else do you routinely find 20-1 and 30-1 shots leaning in for second. There's no such thing as a short payoff on a Cup exotic. "Value" shoppers can save that panic bet for five-horse fields at Belmont.
At most places, horses running on huge odds carry notes from their doctors. At the Breeder's Cup, the pictures of health can be sent off at double figures to one.
Playing the Cup card requires a special mindset. It's more than thinking positive. It's thinking in the extreme. It's almost like thinking in animated terms, the Roadrunner breaking out of the 12-hole, Wiley Coyote on the rail.
To help create the proper mood, I pulled up these Breeder's Cup-like results from a day of racing like any other, from Saturday, the 24th of October.
Wins:
Note: Blue Ribbon Downs, located in eastern Oklahoma approximately 22 miles from Hardly Anywhere, will shut down soon. So it might be a good idea to keep an eye out for going-away $400 Quinellas.
Places:
Note: Speaking of fake surface prices, at Keeneland Saturday, Satan's Quick Chick and Slides Choice ran 1-2 and helped construct a $35,148.80 trifecta on a two-buck chance.
Show:
Note: The results and prices in the 4th at Penn National were as follows.
The favorite was beyond heavy, Star Hawk was a nickel on the dollar. It became lame on the turn and was taken from the track by van.
I know, I know, who could believe it. Just pull it up, 4th, Oct. 24, Penn National.
$2 Pick 3's:
Note: At Mountaineer Saturday, these winners, $11.20 and $23.60, led to a Double worth only $69.20.
Careful, kids, sneaking around catches up with a person in the long run.
$2 trifectas:
Note: At Woodbine, Chantal Sutherland had four wins, and two of those winners keyed two $4,000 trifectas. This just in, she can ride.
$1 Supers:
$1 Pick Four:
$2 Supers:
50-Cent Pick 4:
It's not like anything can happen at the Breeder's Cup; anything is probable.
Write to Jay at jaycronley@yahoo.com.
