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As fans of the comedy series "Portlandia'' know, the secret to merchandising is to slap a bird on it. And apparently, the same holds true for baseball uniforms.
After four rounds of voting, tigers, fish, elephants, snakes, astronauts, seafarers, gun-toting officers of the law, buccaneers, heavenly bodies, Native Americans, pinstriped Northeners and even two pairs of colored socks are all gone. Our Battle of the Uniforms will finish with the Battle of the Birds.
The No. 1-seeded Cardinals, who have as iconic a St. Louis design as the Gateway Arch or a bottle of Bud, beat their longtime rival, the Chicago Cubs, in the final round of the National League voting, 54 percent to 46 percent.
Meanwhile, the Cinderella team of the American League bracket upset yet another higher-seeded team in the AL championship. By a margin of 3,103 votes, fans declared they prefer the orange and black Baltimore Orioles over the traditional uniform worn by everyone from Babe Ruth to Derek Jeter. Or perhaps fans just hate the Yankees' pinstripes.
Whatever the reason, it's the Cardinals versus the Orioles for the title of baseball's best uniform. Bird watchers should get their binoculars out for this ornithological fight, though Toronto fans are probably wondering why their colorful Jay was found wanting.
This is serious business, so to make sure that everyone gets a chance to take a long, careful look at these two uniforms and judge the colors, logos, caps and overall style of both home and road uniforms, our polls will be open throughout the weekend. You can cast your vote up until noon ET Monday, when we will declare the winner.
So good luck Cardinals and Orioles. May the better uniform win. And remember voters, this isn't about who actually wears the uniforms but the uniforms themselves.
--Jim Caple
Note: Championship-round poll closes at noon ET Monday.
Mobile users: To vote, click here.
Battle of the Uniforms: Championship
(1) Cardinals vs. (13) Orioles

Audubon would have loved this championship.
Battle of the Uniforms seedings
We've now reached the final four. Or, if you prefer, we've reached the league championship series.
Either way, the Battle of the Uniforms is now in the home stretch (or as a malapropism-prone boss of mine once liked to say, "the home run stretch"). In the American League, the Orioles are facing the Yankees, and the National League crown has come down to the Cubs and the Cards.
The seedings, done by Jim Caple and myself, have largely proven accurate. Three of the final four teams were seeded either No. 1 or No. 2 in their respective leagues, which means our uni assessments are largely in line with yours. The lone outlier is Baltimore, which was seeded 13th but upset the top-seeded Tigers.
I'll admit it: I was kind of hoping for a rogue uniform design to make it to the semifinals, just to make things interesting. The Diamondbacks, say, or the Marlins. And I was seriously rooting for the A's to upset the Yanks (they came thisclose). In the end, though, the classic designs have won. And that makes sense: The classics are classic for a reason.
The cool thing about the Battle of the Unis is that several on-field rivalries have been echoed at the ballot box. Wednesday we had the Yankees just eking out a victory of the Red Sox (whose fans were no doubt chanting "Yankees suck!" as they clicked on the Sox icon), and now we have a classic National League matchup, as Chicago and St. Louis face off for Senior Circuit supremacy.
So who's going to advance to the uniform World Series? You folks get to decide that. But I'll say this: I'm voting for the teams with the feathers.
--Paul Lukas
LCS-round polls close at 9 a.m. ET Friday, and the championship round begins shortly thereafter.
Mobile users: To vote, click here.
Jim Caple bracket: American League
(2) Yankees vs. (13) Orioles

The Birds have upset three teams so far, but can they knock off the Pinstripers for the AL title?
Paul Lukas bracket: National League
(1) Cardinals vs. (2) Cubs

These two teams have always had an on-field rivalry. Good to see that's extending to their uniforms.
Battle of the Uniforms seedings
Whew! That was a close one.
The New York Yankees -- wearers of pinstripes, owners of the most identifiable uniform in American sports, and so wealthy their sleeves should come with gold cuff links -- nearly went down to defeat at the hands of the budget-conscious Athletics, who gave baseball yellow and green uniforms.
Yes, it's true. The Yankees' famous NY logo was nearly beaten by the Athletics' elephant patch in a second-round matchup so close that Nate Silver could not have been able to call it. After a nip-and-tuck battle, the Yankees finally escaped with a slender 51-49 percent victory to advance to Wednesday's quarterfinals.
It was a tough day for Bay Area fans, who lost another squeaker when the Giants lost 51-49 to the Pirates. It seems the Bay Area needs to expand its population base just a bit.
The rest of the battles were won by fairly wide margins, including the battle of the Soxes (Boston beat Chicago). That sets up an interesting matchup with another battle in the never-ending Yankees-Red Sox rivalry. Good luck, guys, and remember: Bloody socks matter only if the voters can see them.
That isn't the only matchup of teams with old-school classic looks, though. The No. 1-seeded Tigers, who still are dressed roughly the way they were when Al Kaline was in right field, take on the Cinderellas of the bracket, the No. 13-seeded Orioles, who handily beat the Royals.
Over in the National League, the No. 1-seeded Cardinals will take on the Pirates, with the Dodgers and Cubs going head to head. This has not been a great season for either Los Angeles or Chicago, but at least one of those teams will win this round.
Who will advance to the Final Four? That's up to you. Polls are open until 9 a.m. ET Thursday morning.
--Jim Caple
Mobile users: To vote, click here.
Jim Caple bracket: American League
(1) Tigers vs. (13) Orioles

Will the Tigers eat the birds? Or will the Orioles fly away to victory?
(2) Yankees vs. (6) Red Sox

So we have yet another battle between these bitter rivals. The winner of this battle may be the uniform with the fewest blood stains.
Paul Lukas bracket: National League
(1) Cardinals vs. (4) Pirates

Fun fact: Cardinals team president Bill DeWitt III is heavily involved in the team's uniform decision-making. Gotta love that level of passion!
(2) Cubs vs. (6) Dodgers

The Cubbies may finally have a championship within their grasp, even if it's only in the uniform bracket.
Battle of the Uniforms seedings
As a wise man once said, "Vote early and often." And that's exactly what baseball fans did Monday, as the first-round balloting in the Battle of the Uniforms attracted an enthusiastic electorate and gave us some interesting results.
The Yankees' uniforms trouncing the Indians' look? No surprise there. Ditto for the Phillies over the Diamondbacks and the Giants over the Rockies, among others. Still, there were some mild upsets, such as the Twins beating the Angels and, in the biggest eyebrow raiser of the first round, the Nationals beating the Mets.
That Nats-Mets outcome was the closest race of the first round, with Washington prevailing by 55 percent to 45 percent. Most of the other contests were blowouts. Look at some of these numbers:
• Orioles over Astros, 79 percent to 21 percent.
• Red Sox over Mariners, 73 percent to 27 percent.
• Pirates over Marlins, 81 percent to 19 percent.
And so on. The biggest landslide? The Cubbies trounced the Padres by a whopping 86 percent to 14 percent, offering convincing proof that San Diego needs to go back to the drawing board and get some new uniforms (and giving beleaguered Cubs fans a little morsel of success to feel good about).
As for the second round, there are some intriguing matchups. In the American League, Boston faces off against Chicago -- a battle of the Sox! And in the National League, the Pirates and Giants will be reminding people that they were wearing black long before it became a trendy color.
The most interesting pairing in this round, though, finds the Yankees, the ultimate example of old-fashioned aesthetic tradition, facing the A's, whose green-and-gold look ushered in baseball's Technicolor era. It's old-school versus new-school. Too bad George Steinbrenner and Charlie Finley aren't around to witness it -- they'd likely be voting along with the rest of us.
--Paul Lukas
Note: Second-round polls close at 9 a.m. ET Wednesday, and the next round begins shortly thereafter.
Mobile users: To vote, click here.
Jim Caple bracket: American League
(1) Tigers vs. (9) Twins

Can one D beat a T and a C (plus an occasional M)? It can if it's old English.
(2) Yankees vs. (10) Athletics

It cost roughly $200 million to dress the Yankees in their pinstripes. The Athletics went to a thrift shop but still look @#&% awesome.
(3) White Sox vs. (6) Red Sox

Sigh. If only these two teams wore their pant legs high enough that we would actually see the socks that are the entire basis for their names.
(5) Royals vs. (13) Orioles

Great battle between Royals blue and the Orioles' vibrant orange. And you know Buck Showalter will make sure their caps are on straight.
Paul Lukas bracket: National League
(1) Cardinals vs. (8) Braves

Which jersey prop is stronger: the tomahawk or the bat?
(2) Cubs vs. (10) Nationals

An established veteran against an up-and-comer. The smart money's on the veteran.
(3) Phillies vs. (6) Dodgers

Two classic looks here. A pity that one of them will have to lose.
(4) Pirates vs. (5) Giants

Interesting pairing here: black and orange versus black and gold.
Battle of the Uniforms seedings
Jerry Seinfeld famously said that because of the way players constantly change teams and teams occasionally change cities, sports fans are actually rooting for clothes.
"You are standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city," he said. "Fans will be so in love with a player, but if he goes to another team, they boo him. This is the same human being in a different shirt, but they hate him now. 'Booo!!! It's a different shirt! Booo!!!!'"
Well, he's right about that. We do root for clothes. And against clothes. As well we should. If Yankees pinstripes or red socks or Dodger blue or, worst of all, those powder blue alternate Royals tops don't get your blood boiling, then you're not a true fan.
Which is why we're holding our Battle of the Uniforms. As Seinfeld said, what is most important is not the player but what the player is wearing. And no, we're not just talking about Kevin Youkilis, but that's a good example.
It's the uniform that is most important. After all, your team may stink. It may not have had a winning record in 20 years. It may not have reached the postseason in your lifetime. It may not have reached the World Series in your grandparents' lifetimes. But chances are your closet is still overflowing with your team's replica jerseys that you proudly wear to the ballpark, the office or the nightclub.
We can look at the standings and know which teams are on top, but which teams have the best uniforms? Which designs have stood the test of time, and which are as dated as the grunge look? Do you prefer the classic look of Detroit's old English "D" on the chest and the Yankees pinstripes? Or do you appreciate the South Beach neon look of the Marlins' jerseys? Should the bill of a cap be as profoundly curved as Christina Hendricks or as flat as the Marlins' offense? Should socks be visible to midcalf, to the knee, or tucked under baggy pants legs?
All this is for you to decide. We've seeded all 30 teams based on their standard home and road uniforms and placed them in a bracket. Throughout the week, you'll have new matchups to vote on each day until only one uniform is left standing. We'll announce the winner next Monday.
Until then, we'll also provide stories and lists about such things as what caused the god-awful '70s look, the rules for when and how to wear replica jerseys, and the good, the bad and the ugly of uniforms throughout the decades.
So check out the bracket. Read our style analysis. Vote for your favorite uniforms. Vote against the ones you hate. And keep checking back each day to see which teams advance and who ultimately tops your best-dressed list.
One request: We know people can get pretty passionate about uniforms, but please keep things civil. If the fashion police can't maintain order, we may have to call in the security in those Padres camouflage jerseys.
--Jim Caple
Note: Detroit Tigers and St. Louis Cardinals have first-round byes; first-round polls close at
9 a.m. Tuesday, and the next round begins shortly thereafter.
Mobile users: To vote, click here.
Jim Caple bracket: American League
(2) Yankees vs. (15) Indians

With one of sports' greatest logos (the Tiffany-designed NY) pitted against one of the worst (Chief Wahoo), this battle should be as lopsided as the trade that sent Graig Nettles from Cleveland to New York.
(3) White Sox vs. (14) Rangers

With that great SOX design across the chest, this should be a much more favorable matchup for Robin Ventura against Texas than when he charged Nolan Ryan.
(4) Astros vs. (13) Orioles

The Orioles would stand a much better chance if this were the late 1970s and early '80s when their white-front cap style was in fashion and the Astros were wearing rainbows.
(5) Royals vs. (12) Rays

K.C. should win this matchup unless the Royals wear their powder blue alternate tops or Joe Maddon comes up with another great road-inspired costume theme for his players to wear.
(6) Red Sox vs. (11) Mariners

Have to favor the old classic Red Sox look in this matchup, unless Seattle's King Felix shows up wearing his crown and velvet robe.
(7) Blue Jays vs. (10) Athletics

The Jays should win this matchup. Then again, the Jays should look a lot better in their uniforms this year than they have so far. But never underestimate the power of an elephant.
(8) Twins vs. (9) Angels

In the logo battle between TC and the haloed A, the Twin Cities of Minnesota get a slight edge over the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
Paul Lukas bracket: National League
(2) Cubs vs. (15) Padres

A gorgeous, time-tested look versus a generic slate of blandness. Feels like a mismatch, right? But hey, upsets are always possible.
(3) Phillies vs. (14) Diamondbacks

Old-school versus new-school: The Phillies have had only two different uni templates since 1950; the Diamondbacks had two different uni templates within their first decade of existence.
(4) Pirates vs. (13) Marlins

Let's say you're a baseball player, and you can be drafted by the Pirates or the Marlins. Either way, you're gonna lose a lot of games. But wouldn't you rather lose them in that nice Pirates uni?
(5) Giants vs. (12) Rockies

Fun fact: The Rockies are the only MLB team that currently wears purple. But it may take more than that to defeat the classic look of the defending World Series champs.
(6) Dodgers vs. (11) Brewers

Say this much for the Brewers: They sure have a lot of uniforms (home, road, home alternate, road alternate, throwback, Spanish, Polish, Negro League, etc.). But does quantity equal quality?
(7) Mets vs. (10) Nationals

Granted, any uniform looks better when Stephen Strasburg or Bryce Harper is wearing it. But the Mets' look still feels more natural, while the Nats' feels forced.
(8) Braves vs. (9) Reds

Subtlest uni change of this season: The Braves changed the belt tunnel piping on their alternate road pants from red to blue. Will that garner any additional votes?
Battle of the Uniforms seedings
Major League Baseball has suspended Padres outfielder Carlos Quentin eight games for charging Dodgers pitcher Zack Greinke after being hit by a pitch Thursday night. That's a good deal less than the eight weeks Greinke will be sidelined with a broken collarbone he sustained in the fracas. Did the punishment fit the crime? SportsNation weighs in.
- Karen Braun: "He needs a lot more time off. How did Greinke incite this? Welcome to baseball. There is no way that hit by pitch was on purpose ... not in that situation during the game. Don't worry, Quentin will have his punishments. ..."
- Allan Paolo Aclo: "The gravity of the suspension should not be proportional to the amount of money the pitcher is making. I guarantee that if this was some no-named or third-rate pitcher who got hurt in a brawl, no one would be calling for Quentin to be suspended for a month. By no means am I saying that Quentin wasn't at fault but 8 games is sufficient in my book. He's an everyday player. If a pitcher gets suspended for 7 games, he will likely miss only one start."
- Jerald Johnson: "What a joke. He should get no more than 5 games. It's MLB taking care of their Golden Franchise. Greinke got what he deserved plain and simple."
- Dave Robb: "It should be 50. Guy leads his league in hit-by-pitch last 2 years playing about 200 out of 320 games because he leans in and is a statue. It was obviously not on purpose given the count and score. He ruins a guy's year. I'm not even close to a Dodgers fan. It's just wrong."
- Ryan Downs: "I think Kemp should've gotten at least a game as well. If Hairston got suspended for instigating a 2nd incident, wouldn't Kemp confronting Quentin after the game be instigating a third?"
What do you think? Leave your comments below.
No one ever gets hurt in baseball fights, right? There's an initial charge (usually blunted at the very last second), a bit of pushing, lots of posturing, maybe an ejection or two, but in the end, all the players return to their dugouts having received only emotional wounds. That wasn't the case in Thursday night's Dodgers-Padres brawl, which resulted in Dodgers pitcher Zack Greinke breaking his left collarbone after a tussle with Carlos Quentin. The Dodgers as a whole are furious, with Matt Kemp confronting Quentin after the game and Don Mattingly suggesting that Quentin be suspended for as long as Greinke is out. Considering the collarbone is kind of important, that might be a while.
Purpose pitch?

Carlos Quentin has been hit more times than any other major leaguer since 2008. Greinke has hit him three times, the most recent incident coming during the 2009 season.
Punishment for Quentin?

Don Mattingly wants Quentin suspended for as long as Greinke is out, which would be unlikely to occur but would be pretty harsh if it did.
Incoming retaliation?

Normally teams have a period to cool off before facing each other again, but the Dodgers and Padres will have only this weekend -- they play their next series starting on Monday.
Greinke's absence?

The Dodgers have gotten off to a 6-3 start, but losing a pitcher like Greinke could derail even the best teams.
Opening Day -- well, Opening Night, really, and we technically already had one of those in Japan, but who's counting? -- is finally here, as the Cardinals will take on the Marlins tonight in the first stateside regular-season MLB game. It's bound to be an exciting season with so many players having changed teams, but has the power structure been altered significantly?
Vote: Pick each division and pennant, and the winner of the World Series
Rank: Baseball's best teams? | Top players in the game?
World Series repeat?

The Cardinals prevailed over the Rangers in the 2011 World Series, but St. Louis lost its biggest gun this past offseason ...
Best player?

... which is a pretty big loss, considering he might be one of the best players of all time.
Odd one out?

The Red Sox missed the playoffs last season after an epic September collapse. Will they be on the outside looking in once again?
AL's best?

Prince Fielder and Albert Pujols were probably the two biggest additions to teams in the American League, meaning the balance of power could shift.
NL's best?

Likewise, the addition of Jose Reyes to the Marlins could give the team a huge upgrade -- offensively with new third baseman Hanley Ramirez, and defensively at shortstop.
We can understand if you don't want to take the time to grade your tech-support help on the other end of the telephone, but when we're talking about the dollars and emotion you've invested in sports, we think it's worth the effort. It's time for ESPN The Magazine's Ultimate Standings, in which SportsNation grades organizations on everything from ticket prices and stadium experience to the talent on the field, court or rink. Which team will end up on top this year? It depends on what you say.
Take part in the 2011 MLB survey
2010 MLB Ultimate Standings
1. Los Angeles Angels (Overall: No. 3)
2. Tampa Bay Rays (Overall: No. 6)
3. Colorado Rockies (Overall: No. 13)
4. Minnesota Twins (Overall: No. 14)
5. Atlanta Braves (Overall: No. 15)
Take part in the 2011 NFL survey
2010 NFL Ultimate Standings
1. New Orleans Saints (Overall: No. 1)
2. Indianapolis Colts (Overall: No. 4)
3. Green Bay Packers (Overall: No. 9)
4. Arizona Cardinals (Overall: No. 19)
5. Baltimore Ravens (Overall: No. 20)
Take part in the 2011 NBA survey
2010 NBA Ultimate Standings
1. Orlando Magic (Overall: No. 2)
2. San Antonio Spurs (Overall: No. 7)
3. Cleveland Cavaliers (Overall: No. 10)
4. Dallas Mavericks (Overall: No. 24)
5. Oklahoma City Thunder (Overall: No. 25)
Take part in the 2011 NHL survey
2010 NHL Ultimate Standings
1. Pittsburgh Penguins (Overall: No. 5)
2. Detroit Red Wings (Overall: No. 8)
3. Washington Capitals (Overall: No. 11)
4. San Jose Sharks (Overall: No. 12)
5. Chicago Blackhawks (Overall: No. 16)
- Rank 'Em: Where do Gonzalez and Werth rank among MLB's best players?
- Vote: Is Gonzalez the best 1B in the AL East? | Was Werth's contract reasonable?
Baseball's hot stove always seems to flare up in spurts. Weeks of inactivity go by with rumors flying but few trades surfacing. Then, in the course of a weekend, everything can change.
The Red Sox's long pursuit of Adrian Gonzalez finally came to an end, as Boston will trade several young prospects for the chance to add a hugely important left-handed bat to its lineup. Gonzalez seems tailor-made for Fenway Park and instantly changes the balance of power in the AL East. Meanwhile, the Nationals made their biggest free-agent signing ever, inking Jayson Werth to a seven-year, $126 million contract. Werth is a big-time talent, but the Nationals may have overpaid in their pursuit of true relevance. Would you rather have the slugging excellence of Gonzalez or the five-tool consistency of Werth?
- "I'm not sure there's another hitter in the league better-suited to absolutely RAKE at Fenway park than Gonzalez. A left-handed slugger with power to all fields, especially left? Thank you very much Santa, your early Christmas present is appreciated." -- skidemon166
- "Too many years. Werth is a great player though. It will be worth it early in the contract. But I don't see good productivity coming from him when he's 37/38. I hope he doesn't take replacing Dunn into mind and try to put a lot of shot out of the park." -- GoMets210

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Miguel Cabrera might not hail from planet earth.
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