Caple: The how-tos of tailgating
Louisiana State University Location, accessories, food, drink and friends are all necessary ingredients for a good tailgate party.The drawback of a good tailgate is that eventually you must pack everything up and go inside the stadium to watch the game. Then again, I guess no one will make you go inside.
"There have been times when I tailgate the entire game," Jeff Hancock told me as he savored his spread outside Husky Stadium before a recent game in Seattle. "Simply because the games have been pretty terrible football recently. Plus, I can see the JumboTron from here and watch the game that way."
And why wouldn't you, when you consider the tailgate parties available?
Louisiana State fan Jerry Payne tailgates at every LSU game in a 40-foot motor home that retailed for $400,000 and comes complete with a master bedroom and bath, real wood cabinetry and a 37-inch hi-def TV. And by every game, I mean home and away, even to Husky Stadium on the University of Washington campus, some 2,600 miles from LSU's campus, the farthest from home the Tigers football team had ever played.
Payne says the drive took him 35 days -- "The game was a good excuse for a road trip" -- but by Southern tailgating standards, he had to leave only a little ahead of normal. Tailgaters at schools in the South are renowned for showing up three days before the game, if not earlier.
And if you think that's serious, some tailgaters are sponsored by beer companies.
But you don't need a beer sponsorship or a rig so lavish USC could offer it as a recruiting incentive to a running back's parents. Your tailgate will get votes in all the polls as long as the grill is hot, the drinks are cold and you have all the required ingredients:
Accessories
Regardless of whether you drive one of the most expensive motor homes in the world or the old Toyota Nissan that still has stains from your 21st-birthday run, the key is to show your school pride. Mark your territory by flying so many pennants and banners other fans confuse you for the team store.
To fill the hours -- if not the days -- before the game, you must be wired. A radio might have cut it back in the days when "the wave" was cutting-edge in the stands, but now you need, at minimum, an HD TV with a dish pulling in games from across the country, a wireless router, "NCAA Football" for Xbox 360, a cornhole game in team colors, plastic cups for beer pong and the marching-band CD blaring so loud on the stereo system you get noise complaints from frat row.
Or, if you can't arrange that, bring a football to toss into someone else's tailgate party, then just stick around when you pretend to retrieve it.
Alcohol
Some people say fans should not introduce alcohol to a college campus filled with young and impressionable students, many of whom aren't yet of legal drinking age. I say why let the students have all the fun?
Still, which is the proper beverage for a tailgate -- beer or wine? The answer, of course, is both. The key is properly pairing it with the opponent.
For an early-September, unranked nonconference opponent such as Northwestern, savor the final warm days of summer with a white wine, like a Riesling or a gewurztraminer.
When the days cool, switch to red wine -- a nice pinot -- for those opening conference games.
As autumn deepens and the games take on added meaning against the occasional ranked opponent, add some hard ciders or winter ales.
When the frosts of November arrive, fortify yourself with hot chocolate and a shot of amaretto or schnapps.
For those late-November games against archrivals with BCS bids on the line, go with the hard stuff -- scotch or good old American whiskey.
And whenever you find yourself a two-touchdown underdog, go with all of the above to deaden the pain come the fourth quarter.
(Just remember to ALWAYS have a designated driver available, as valuable to your Saturday as a quality offensive line.)
Food
I once tailgated with some LSU fans who served up jambalaya, duck and oyster gumbo, stuffed quail, deer sauce piquante, wild duck, Cajun sausage, crawfish étouffée, rabbit, alligator stew and marinated pork tenderloin. And that was for a Division II opponent.
While you don't need to have Emeril as your personal chef, proper tailgating does require a local approach to grilling. Tailgating at Washington or Oregon demands cedar-planked salmon. Tennessee needs barbecue. Wisconsin cries out for bratwurst, and plenty of it.
To really take your tailgate over the top, though, add dishes that reflect the opponent. I'm not talking about grilling their school mascot -- which could be nauseating, offensive and, in the case of Nebraska's Herbie Husker, probably illegal (though not necessarily a bad idea) -- but offering dishes that reflect their home state. So if Iowa is in town, serve up plenty of corn on the cob, then devour it just like your school's defense will eat up the Hawkeyes offense.
Location
The best places to tailgate are The Grove at Ole Miss, on a boat moored on Lake Washington in Seattle or the Tennessee River in Knoxville, with a view of the Wasatch Mountains (BYU), within sight of Touchdown Jesus (Notre Dame) or anywhere within scent -- and reach -- of an LSU fan's grill.
Ideally, you also want to enjoy the marching band and cheerleaders as they head to the stadium. And having a bathroom nearby is nice.
But really, as long as you're on campus and close enough to walk to the stadium, you're doing fine -- because the last thing you want to do is drive to the game and still need a ride from your car to the stadium.
Good friends
This is the most important ingredient. Student loan payments may force you to serve up the packages of ramen left over from your sophomore year, but you're still good if you're surrounded by plenty of friends from college who make you feel young enough to stack empty beer cans in the front window.
As Lisa MacGeorge said, the food is fun but it's the old friends that make the tailgate. "A lot of us don't see each other except at Husky football games," said the UW fan.
Just remember, when you tailgate, everyone is welcome. That means total strangers wandering by, even if they're wearing the opponents' colors.
In fact, especially when they wear the other teams' colors.
"At LSU, we share everything," said Tigers follower Louis Petersen.
It's just a game, folks, so take the high road and welcome even your enemies to a cold one and a pulled-pork sandwich. It's the right thing to do. Plus, when they have their mouth full they won't be able to respond to your trash talk.
Jim Caple, aka The Road Warrior, is a senior writer for ESPN.com. His Web site is at jimcaple.net, with installments of "24 College Avenue." His book with Steve Buckley, "The Best Boston Sports Arguments: The 100 Most Controversial, Debatable Questions for Die-Hard Boston Fans," is on sale now.
